Although I’m not much a fan of the phrase “falling in love” and despite my theories on letting friendships develop and thereby make stronger and lasting relationships, I feel inclined to admit that I do not know any girl who has grown into loving someone. In my experience, if they don’t like me from the getgo, it’s not worth any more investment of time, effort and money. What I find even more irritating is that while girls won’t give us a chance if they’re not attracted initially, they want us to give them a chance, try them on for a while and see if they fit. A recent instance of a double standard with some old acquaintances from high school comes as yet another annoyance. These girls, who knew me and who I am before they saw my car or wardrobe, nevertheless choose to judge me based on what I own.
I find their projection of love and compassion somewhat disconcerting. In the recent mortgage crisis, they consider me void of feeling because I don’t want to bail out people from mortgages they never could afford. These girls extend compassion to people in foreign countries and families losing their homes that they don’t know, but despite their ovations of concern over my sordid state of affairs, they have made no actual efforts to elevate my estate. One of my students Monday night told me I need a new car but made no offer to buy me one. This sounds a lot like an excerpt from the Screwtape Letters in which Screwtape points out that the patient’s compassion to the Germans is largely imaginary and his frustration with his neighbor very real indeed.
The woman I thought I loved wanted to save the world and do all sorts of random strangers favors while at home I became a lightning rod for vitriol. Dr. Laura Schlessinger pointed out in her book Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands that women are often kinder to complete strangers than they are to their betrothed bedfellows. Fortunately for me, I just got an infusion of hope yesterday when our secretary at work showed me a picture of her very cute daughter and told me that she, like me, lives a more practical life.
1 comment:
Everything I've experienced tells me that women are not the only ones guilty of neglecting the proper care of a spouse. Admittedly, I have had such issues too, and I think everyone would benefit from stepping back and make sure they treat even those closest to them with the same kindness.
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