Among the many complaints people make as reasons why I can’t get a date with the type of girl I keep asking out comes the concept of my car. Despite arguments to the contrary, I believe that my car indeed sends the right message about me. It tells you what I care about. It just doesn’t happen to send the message some people think it ought to. When I debark it in a nice Italian suit, people are mystified at how I can drive such an ugly POS car like that. What I drive doesn’t matter to me, nor quite frankly does it matter what my house actually looks like. Unfortunately, they judge me by my car.
I keep an account with Wells Fargo Bank NA not because I like them as a lender but because I inherited Kim’s long-term record as a customer when we got married. According to their records, I show up as having been a customer since Kim was 14 (I inherited her record dates as a customer), and since after we sold our home we initially used Wells Fargo as a holding account for the proceeds of the sale ($150000 gross and $80000 net), I also qualified at one point as a top tier banker. While working in manual labor years ago, I took fiendish delight in visiting the bank after work when I was grimy and tired to do my banking. The tellers judged me to be some dirty grimy schmoe and treated me accordingly at first, with a marked change in their demeanor once they accessed my account and were informed as to my history as a customer. Picture if you will a teller calling a dirty and oily man “Sir” and asking if there was anything else they could do to help him before thanking him for continuing to bank with them. They incorrectly treat me with disdain at the outset based on my exterior.
It’s supposed to be what’s on the inside that counts. I am regularly criticized for not giving girls a chance to whom I am not attracted and for not giving certain girls a fair chance. One in particular who lives in Vegas now but who I took out on one date in Reno complains that I didn’t give her a fair chance. I took her on a date; that I didn’t ask her out again indicates that I had more than one good reason for not pursuing a relationship with her. I find it oddly irritating that people demand from me that I judge them by what’s on the inside while they insist I change my curb appeal despite the fact that few argue with me on my internal value.
2 comments:
Through my sister, I have come to know many guys with absolutely amazing cars. Unfortunately, they themselves are not near the quality of person that their vehicle is. It is sad that we live in a society where appearance matters so much.
While I wholeheatedly agree with you on the general preconceptions people make based on appearance, an important point was raised to me once about dating. You have one chance to make an impression that will last, and that is the first one. People who see you, see what you surround yourself with and tend to judge your quality by the quality of those things. To reference The Pirates of the Carribean, Will Turner was confronted by the admiral concerning Elizabeth. He told Will how impressed he was with the sword he made, and how he hoped Will gave everything else in his life the same care.
Problem is, there is no rule of thumb when it comes to people. You can't give a person only one chance to shine on a date, nor can you drag it on hoping that the gem inside will be what you are looking for. It's tough. But I think you are old enough to know what you like, and made the right decision. That girl needs to trust you enough to know that you aren't willing to waste her time on a relationship that is more one-sided than is preferable.
Thank you for your well-thought commentary. I understand the disproportionate value that people place on first impressions as almost all of my friends admit that they would have never tried to get to know me on their own. Not that I look like crap; I'm "neat and comely", and at work I dress professionally as befits a professor of biology.
However, I do meet a lot of people in nonstandard circumstances and of course there's always the car. When people hear about it, they usually say to keep it, but it gives women the impression I'm not successful (which I am, I just don't see any point buying depreciable assets on credit). I don't go a lot of places, and most people I meet are during the course of work, but I'm not allowed to date people I meet at work since as a professor I can influence their grades...
I generally surround myself with people who are needy. I like to give of my time, talents, and blessings, and the earnest seekers among them are those I try to help. However, if you're hanging out with needy people, others are apt to, as the Pharisees did to Christ, point out that you spend your time with undesirables. That's supposedly laudable, but only if done from a distance (other people doing it with your monetary contribution).
I use the car, and the beard I shaved off, as a character litmus test. I really do not want a high maintenance woman, having already walked that road, who only pursued me for my money.
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