After church last Sunday, I pulled the mens group leader in my congregation aside for an instructional moment. He's several years younger than I and unaware that some of the things he says in sweeping broad strokes come across as uninviting. I explained to him how it made me feel, and he told me that he wasn't going to change the way he talked to make me feel better. I told him thanks for letting me know where I stand and walked away. I don't know how men like this become leaders, but when he was dismissive and derisive of my concerns, I lost any and all desire for further felicitation with him.
By contrast my new department chair seems to be the perfect choice for a leader. Many professors don't like him because he's a bit too officious for their preference, but I like that because it means I can know where I stand. He's consistent and constant. He looks after the people who take care of the mission as much as he cares about the mission. When I got hurt at work, he simply said, "Do whatever it takes. We want Doug well." He responds to my requests for time off and purchasing and everything else promptly. He's a stark contrast to his predecessors. that doesn't mean things will be better, but it does mean that things will be consistent.
What struck me most about this encounter was how arrogant and condescending the man was. He's a man for whom the ends always seem to justify the means because for him everything is coming up roses. I don't think he will ever struggle for anything, and I'm not sure he isn't being groomed to rise in the ranks of the priesthood irrespective of his flaws. Although I didn't do this to confront him, he took a defensive posture almost immediately and got his dander up at what I said. I've never really felt like he and I had much in common, and now I'm not sure that I care. He's certainly not someone to whom I would turn if I needed help. He's already shown me that he's disinclined to acquiesce to my request.
Far too often, good things unjustly end up in the hands of those who deserve them least. Dishonest men prosper at business; philandering men end up with amazing spouses; abusive men win and keep loyalty; intoxicated men outlive the drugs that should kill them; incontinent men are held in esteem and vaulted above others. I suppose this really stems from the kind of men who aspire to leadership. Good men don't really desire power or wealth, position or fame. The people who seek that seek them whatever the cost and don't care how they get there. If they step on your toes getting there, then so be it. That's not really leadership either, but because they wear the title, sit at the desk, and speak with the power to back up their position, we accept them and follow their lead.
God willing, I will never have this or any other position of responsibility. I'm not one of those who aspires to power. I'm not even comfortable passing judgment on students when I grade exams. What I do know is that most people begin once given the least scintilla of power to exercise unrighteous dominion. They abuse their position and the people over whom they have stewardship. It's a great temptation to favor some and exclude others, but I found out this week that I am not alone. As I said before, I discovered I already earned the esteem of people whose esteem actually should matter to me, and even if I'm never popular or powerful I'll never really be alone. Leadership, now that's lonely. I hope this man's wife and children prove good company.
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