When my buddy and I moved dirt into the back yard as phase III of my backyard overhaul, a stranger approached us with an interest in helping. He purported to be a neighbor, and I assumed foolishly that he meant to help in the neighborly way like my ancestors did, banding together to raise the barn. He had an ulterior motive, and so when I ran into him last night again trying to use the same sob story, I told him to move along and sell his snake oil elsewhere. You see, I don't need that kind of help from the neighbors, and I dont' need that kind of neighbors, and the more we tolerate this kind of behavior the more it persists.
The man first approached us after three hours of shoveling and offered his "help". He proceeded to toot his own horn and take credit for the acceleration in our progress. While it was invigorating to have a fresh pair of hands and an energetic attitude, it was inaccurate and unfair for him to take credit for our progress. We were making good time considering that we are only two, and all he did was shovel. Jay and I did all of the moving and dumping, and so it's easy for him to talk big. In all he and I walked nine miles hauling dirt in wheelbarrows back to the yard. I should have become skeptical earlier than I did. He claimed to be a new neighbor, but I asked Jay how it was possible for him to live in my neighborhood but not have a job. He claimed to be an amazing construction worker, but if that's true, he could do far better actually having a regular job than coming over hoping for some crumbs. I am normally wary and cynical, and I should have known better than to think any neighbor would come over and help me out of the goodness of his heart.
He had a lot of nerve when we finished. Aside from taking credit for helping us get the work done in only one more hour than when he arrived, he presumed to deserve a reward for his work. He gave me a sob story about needing money for his new baby, and when I told him I had no cash, he brazenly suggested I take him to an ATM to get some. Apparently he's done this before. Often. Since he did work hard and saved me the effort of doing longer work after Jay left, I decided to pay him. Little did I know that he would ask me for a whopping $80. I should have told him to get out right then and there. I did tell him that when he arrived there was no contract and as such I was not obligated to give him anything. I told him that as far as I know, he was just helping, since he never asked for any money until it was over. If he had, I would have told him to move along, because I can handle it without paying him that exorbitant sum. Since he did help out, I chose to give him money because it let me take the rest of the day off. I told him: "I don't mean to be rude. I didn't tell you to have a child, and I certainly didn't have any of the fun involved in making your daughter, so I don't see where it's my responsibility to provide for her." At this point, I think he stopped expecting anything from me because he didn't press the issue when I let him out of the car. I suspect that he still slandered me and my demographics after he left for not giving him what he demanded. It wasn't until then when he told me to let him out near an apartment complex where he lived (that's almost a mile from my house) that I fully realized that probably everything he told me was a lie. Trick me once, shame on you; trick me twice, shame on me.
Last night at the grocery store, I saw him again and decided to right my wrong and vent about it here. When he fed me the same sob story about his newborn kid and not being able to afford diapers, I realized he didn't remember me. I reminded him that we had met, that I had already done him a solid, and I told him that if he continued to solicit in our vicinity, I would call the police. I told him if I ever saw him on my street I would call the police. I reminded him that he told me he would come back and work for free before I actually paid him and I had never seen him again. He gave me every reason to detest members of his demographic; he certainly isn't doing his fellows any favors.
That's not the kind of help from the neighbors I expect. I have a neighbor to the south who is passive agressive and reports me to the HOA rather than coming to me directly. However, when I repair what irks him, he doesn't thank me. He finds some other thing about which to complain. I doubt he notices that I fix things. I'm the good neighbor. I noticed that his weeds were already going to seed, and since I was weeding mine, I weeded his side yard too. I know that if I let it go, the seeds will establish more weeds in my yard, and since I'm already out there, it takes little extra time to weed or spray poison on his weeds since he has bare dirt. I didn't ask him to pay me my hourly wage as compensation or to even replace the weed killer and water I use keeping his side yard clean. That's the neighborly thing to do.
Christ taught me to love my neighbors as myself. I do not think however that if He came or caused one of His children to come to me for help that they would use manipulation, emotional abuse, condescending speech, verbal fisticuffs, or other tools of the adversary to solicit my assistance. I do not think it is love to manipulate people into doing things. I think that's a high form of self-service. I do not think this man was one of those we sometimes entertain who are really angels in disguise. I think he was a charlatain who uses my values to serve his selfish desires. I doubt he has a kid. I hope not. However, I gave him more than I should have so that I could feel better and because he had indeed earned something by his labors. I do not earn $80/hour, and if he's really good enough as he claims to earn that, he should have no problem getting a steady job and living a better standard of living than I do. Since he's in the parking lot, I venture that he's neither a neighbor nor a help to anyone, including himself. That makes me sad.
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