When folks I know to whom I desire to give a gift get married, I insist on delivering the gift personally. See, it's not really something that conforms well to the anonymous pile of presents or to a standard thank you note. In fact, to this day I have actually only been thanked once for this particular gift. Unlike all the others, my gift comes with a message because it has deeper meaning than the objects lead you to believe.
The origin of this tradition begins somewhat inauspiciously. Some folks I really liked who by my reckoning were a great couple were getting married, and financial circumstances for me were as such at that time that I was unable to be as generous as others might appear to be. Although I have sinced learned that giving a gift thought makes it more valuable than its price tag, at the time I took a less symbolic approach. I scoured around the house looking for something meaningful and appropriate but for which I did not have to put out any money I had not already spent. Since then, it has become my standard wedding gift.
If you've received this same gift some time in the last five years, chances are you received it from someone who's copying me. I consider that a great form of flattery to be copied. I just want to go on record as the originator of this idea and the thought behind it, because as far as I can figure, nobody gave me the idea except for God, and I have subsequently applied it. This way you will understand the intent for which it became a tradition as it becomes diluted by others who mimic the semblance without the substance.
Our story begins at the store. No, not Tiffany's or anywhere even so fine as Kohl's. You can get these items at Wal-Mart or Home Depot, where they are the cheapest because their value is in their symbolism and their utility rather than their price tag. You stop in the aisles and pick up two items, a roll of duct tape, and a can of WD40. From there you contact the happy couple and arrange a time to visit them, which usually occurs after the honeymoon and after all the other gifts are opened and thank yous written and sent. The meeting set, you gather your thoughts, the gifts, and wait.
Usually I get down to brass tacks rather quickly. I'm there with a gift and a message for them, after all, and they have granted me a personal audience. Without any more delay than is necessary, I produce them from an opaque container, either a paper bag or a box and explain that the gift is both useful and a symbol. I have never encountered newlyweds to whom someone else already gave duct tape or WD40, both of which may be handy at any time in the first few weeks or years of a marriage. Then, I tell them why I really chose the gifts.
Sometimes they don't know that I have been married before. This gives me a perspective on life and love and companionship they lack and that they do not know I have. See, life is a stormy sea. You'll be driven to high progress along your way one minute and be dashed against the rocks another. You get together with someone for and about whom you care so that when times are hard you can face them with someone at your side and so that when times are grand you can share the joy with someone special. As you ride the waves of life, things may become bound up that grind against one another and cause friction, and it is then that it helps to have some way to lubricate things and keep them running smoothly. At other times, things will come apart, and it is useful to have a way to keep them together. I give these items to remind them that there is someone who loves them who gives them those tools to help them stick it out through the storms and arise at their very own land of promise.
People often forget that marriage is a triumvirate. You and your beloved enter into a contract with the Savior who agrees to sanctify and bless your marriage as you remain faithful to Him and to each other. If you keep your focus on your relationship with Him, even if things come apart between you and your beloved, He can help patch it back together when the opportunity arises. Some among us unwisely and selfishly think that the focus should be on our mate, and they cry foul if God comes before Love. It's wise to remember that marriage is a sacrament of the Church and only recently an usurpation of the State, which is the real reason why it's solemnified in a House of God. Place Christ first at all times in your marriage. That done, He then provides you with the tools to keep your marriage strong and unified as well as keep things moving smoothly towards a common goal. Christ is the chief cornerstone. I think that without Christ you face rocky shoals but that you can weather anything if you keep your focus on Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment