Today was a strange day on the mountain in many ways. Apparently, the Forest Service decided to send me up to Mary Jane Falls as the first official foray this season. Winter weather and hiker's poor respect for the trail left this trail in very poor condition. It was also the scene of strange sights, and given the sweltering valley temperatures it was a complete mad house. We found a dead deer not far from the trail, a small grave containing a baby blanket and what I hope was the skeletal remains of a pet, and a group of 40 youth from Central Christian Church carrying a cross up the trail. I guess it really was the way of the dead today, and it's sad.
We like to think most of the time that things happen for a reason, but truth is we really have no idea what those reasons might be. Animals die all the time because of predators, accidents, disease, and advanced age. This particular deer was a young one, not quite a foal, but not an adult from its diminutive stature. Children die all the time. We hope when they do that the people who created them, housed them, and bore them hopefully loved them and did what they could to save and help them. I appreciate that young people desired some sort of appreciation for the struggle of Christ carrying His cross in exercising this trek. I have never seen crusaders before, but these kids seemed less interested in Christ than in impressing each other. That's not strange, but the other hikers on the trail were uncomfortable with this display, and we were all glad when they vacated the falls and returned to the parking lot.
Death, dismay, and dejection are the rule in life. It was a beautiful day, good exercise, and a successful reconnoiter, but it was sad to see the state of the trail and all of the litter. I got over death as an undergrad when I used to essentially slaughter plants looking for salt-tolerant mutants. Soon after that, I realized that you can't really eat without eating things that someone killed. Even plants are living things. It's sad when the foals die, when children die, and when young people engage in a misguided effort or a good cause for the wrong reasons. Each hike reminds me that you work really hard to rise above the din and dissonance and distractions of the world only to have to come back down in order to deal with coworkers, neighbors, family members, and absolute strangers who stir up trouble in your life. Sometimes the trail is torn up and sometimes the waterfall is dry when we arrive. Part of it's timing, and the other part's luck, and sometimes you may feel as I do that without bad luck you might not have any at all.
As we grow older, the hope and optimism of youth gives way to the pessimism and cynical dejection of adulthood. I really hate that I feel this way, but I got the impression that the males in the youth group were less Jesus freaks and more there to impress the girls in the troupe so that they could have romantic opportunities. When Bob reported the grave, my mind immediately jumped to "intentional dump by a woman who didn't want anyone to know she had a kid". I'm far too young to be this jaded, to be this bitter, to brood and brood and brood. I hate feeling like shaking my fist at the heavens and asking God to go bless someone else for a while. Truth is that when I got divorced, the person I was died,, making way and room for this one, and since then I've struggled to do what is right while other people reap what I sow. I guess that's really one message of Golgotha- "For surely he hath bourne our griefs and carried our sorrows, and we esteemed him scorned and smitten of men..." If you truly decide to go up higher, you must expect that other people profit while you perspire, because He who was greatest among us descended below them all.
My adult life experience came as quite a shock. I have learned things I never hoped were true. I have experience things I never imagined I would. I know things I wish I didn't. I have paid for others mistakes. I have paid for almost all of my own. I have even paid for good things I did. To a small degree, I know a little about the road to Golgotha. Jesus carried His own cross. He was hung out to dry for the sins of others. He watched other people benefit from His suffering without appreciating it. He was better than I- He did it because He loved us. Owing to the auspices of the mortal realm, many things in our lives will die. We will lose hope, lose faith, lose loved ones, lose opportunities, lose our way, and ultimately every one of us will die. The atonement of Christ, in that olive garden on the mount across from Golgotha, serves to alleviate all of those except for one, and when He rose after dying on Golgotha, it completed the lot. Christ marched up that hill to Golgotha to breathe life into everything that makes life wonderful. He needed to suffer so that He would know how to succor His people. Now, I don't have the answers, and I can't say that it's easy or that the rewards have come, but because of Golgotha I know that one day they will come, they must. Even in science, we talk about balance, about the circular nature of things, that what you do comes back to you. One of my students recently said "The person in front of you is the person furthest behind you" to which I made the connection that this is why "karma" takes so long sometimes, because although those people are in front of you, they're also WAY behind you, and it takes the long road to get back to you. On that long road, wherever you are and whatever you do, I'll be right here waiting for you.
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