I've worked in higher education for over eight years, and in those eight years, I've never won any awards. To my knowledge, I was never even nominated for one until this past month, and I only know that because the faculty member who nominated me came to tell me. In truth, the only reason I even care would be for the $200 attached to the award, but it was nice to know that someone tried to get me the award even if the attempt ultimately failed. During the budget shortfall, members of the GOBNet received raises while I received more work to do. However, despite the pay, the stratification, and all of the rest, people who want to know know the truth- I am a valuable player.
This professor thinks there may be discrimination in the process somewhere. He told me that when he discovered today that someone else was chosen, he went back and looked at previous people to receive faculty of the year, and some evident trends emerge among the selectees. Although he's not sure if the bias exists in the hiring process (since we are rare) or in the nomination selection, he suspects that I didn't win because of my demographics. You can see below the twelve last recipients of the award, three of whom have been working here fewer than two years, and six of whom started working after I did. Only one of these people has more than 20 years of service, and it's her first time receiving the award.
At the end of the week, I get the best recognition that my work can actually provide. When each new semester starts, they come to me and ask me which classes I can teach. The lead faculty for chemistry told me last Saturday that they need me to teach general chemistry to prepare students for higher courses because I'm good at it. I have one of the highest retention rates in the department, and I've never had a section cancelled due to insufficient enrollment. Students take other courses from me. I may not get a raise or a promotion or a ticket straight to the presence of God, but students talk to me, listen to me, and sign up to take classes from me, so I continue to have a job and an opportunity to excel at the same.
Since we have electronic keycards, it's very easy to tell who is at work, when, and for how long. I make a point of using the card on a door near my office or to my office within the last half hour of work to prove that I was on campus near the time when I am expected to be at work at least. Staff members know full well who leaves early chronically, and they often opine the absence of these people and feel sorry that I am at work while others are absence receiving money they did not earn. Faculty invite me to spend time with them, offer to make me Christmas gifts, and go out of their way to talk to me. Of course the usual suspects have their inner circle, but they are not offered opportunities to teach. They probably don't want to do any more work than they must or even the work with which they are tasked.
All too often in this life, the credit is unjustly ascribed to those except to whom it rightly belongs. The world seems to be divided into clicks and MyFave groups, where people prop up those they like and ignore the rest. Although many talk in sweeping magnanimous gestures, when you look at the details, they are mostly all talk. They love their friends and hate their enemies and ignore everyone else. They focus on their own advancement, even if they must lift others in order to achieve that. Hardly anyone if anyone has pure motives. I don't write this blog to make money or be famous. I haven't received a dime. Nobody hires me to review products or pass on information. I do this of my own volition. I'm not even sure my motives are pure, but at least I'm not pretending that they are better than they are.
I am acutely aware of my own shortcomings, and I am acutely aware that I am different from most people I know. My trust isn't in flesh and bone, in stone and steel, or in the assistance of students or superiors. As I picked up the five pennies I found today, I renewed my resolve to trust in God. At the end of the day, at the end of our lives, no matter how much you talk, no matter how good you are at memory modification, no matter what people believe or pay others to preach or publish or proclaim as "settled science" the truth remains. God knows who you really are. He promised that we will reap what we sow. He just didn't say when. I know that in a way I am getting the rewards He can give me now, and I will continue to do what is right and trust in a far better world than anyone can ever imagine. I make mistakes. I refuse to let them make me...
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