It's very difficult to measure success, particularly because we do not always mean the same thing by the words we use. Before I joined the naturalist on the night hike Saturday night, we discussed our observations of the superficial and prodigious nature of many people that frequent the Vegas area. Most of these are the metrics measured by men, and so before you measure yourself or allow others to measure you, it helps for you to keep in mind what success means for you. Also, it helps to choose metrics that you can actually achieve rather than items that rely on the exercise of another person's agency.
For my own part and parcel, I use the following poem to guide my steps and measure the effectiveness of my actions. It's inaccurately ascribed to Emerson; I do not know it's original source.
To Have Succeeded
To laugh often and love much:
To win respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give one's self;
To leave the world a little better,
Whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch,
Or redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm
And sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived...
This is to have succeeded.
When I honestly evaluate myself, I fall short in only a few places. I am not always good at finding the best in others. I have a few antagonists in my life for whom I can honestly pray and on whom I can honestly evoke blessings. In the moment, I'm not so charitable. I don't have any children, and I don't laugh as often as I should, but I do laugh enthusiastically. Everything else I can honestly say at least once was true.
Far too often we choose to measure ourselves based on things we don't control. I remember shortly after my missionary service Dallin Oaks gave an address and abjured the use of such things as goals or metrics to judge our own worth. We cannot force others to choose the right, and when we do, it's often a facade or dissatisfying to all. We can invite, entice, and resolve concerns as we move forward, but ultimately success as a missionary isn't determined by convert baptisms, success as an adult isn't dependent on marriage, success in work doesn't depend on your wage, and success as a parent doesn't depend on having perfect kids. It's in doing the best we can with what we have, our honest best, all the time. When you finally learn how to be a dad, how to be a husband, how to be a disciple, that's your victory. When your son learns those things, it's his. You teach people correct principles and let them govern themselves. I am not a lesser man because I am single. I am different than those who are married. Different does not denote deficient. You decide only what you do. Other people make their own decisions too.
I've had some semesters and life chapters with which I'm not terribly happy. I also remind myself that I cannot judge my past self with present information. On honest reflection, I usually made the best decision with what I had under the circumstances. This spring, I buried all of my grandparents, and students could tell something was wrong, but I gave my honest level best to be on task, on time, on topic, and on top of my game, and they seemed to understand I was doing my best despite something beyond the classroom. I've spent time with people with whom I later parted ways. I don't like that because I honestly intended to be a good friend and brother. I wish I were a better man, and I wish those interpersonal relationships led to happier endings. I was true to myself, and I'm interested in making amends. There are honest critics out there; I wish there weren't, but I know my weakness. I need the Savior just as much as the next man. Hopefully one day He will give me success.
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