I have a meeting with the new department Chair on Friday. I am a little nervous. When people have good things to discuss with you, they usually will volunteer that it's good information or a formality or something like that. The department chair for whom I teach told me a week ago about how my evaluation as a new professor in their department was 'good stuff' and not to worry, and so I'm at peace. In this particular pending instance, I have no idea what the topic or timbre of the discussion might be.
Almost two years ago, someone I knew tried to spring something on me for which I was unprepared. We agreed, I thought, to talk about it at a specific and later time. However, the other individual started to pester me with text messages trying to force the conversation on their terms and timetable. I wrote the following response:
When you come to me to discuss something, it means you have already given it some thought. Please do me the favor and allow me time to rationally and prayerfully consider my own thoughts and feelings on the matter before I respond. If you rudely attempt to force a response, I will simply shut off my phone and ignore you, especially if I am tired or in a bad mood. Phones are a privilege, and instant gratification is the business of fast food companies, not mine.
If you were tired or irate, how would you like me to regard you?If we have already agreed to discuss it in person, how do you think I will respond if you try to force the conversation earlier?
Cell phones are not a tether by which you can keep me in check, and if you insist on regarding them as such, I will assume you do not trust me. I am one of the best men I know, and if you cannot trust me, you do not deserve me as a friend, let alone anything else.
As of today, I will no longer respond to texts or voicemail or emails immediately, unless you are a blood relative or my wife/child, of which I currently have none. Please make a note for personal reference. If I choose to, I will respond, but that discretion lies as always with me.
Oh, and while we're on the subject, don't drop by uninvited. That's rude too, especially if I am in the middle of something and otherwise engaged. It is not that I don't care or am involved in something bad, it is that I am already involved in something that deserves my attention because it was there before you came. Furthermore, if you force it at work, you in effect rob my employer of my contribution and attention, for which he pays me great sums of money.
If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911...
To my great surprise, this person still talks to me today. Apparently, some people are mature enough to not take a reasoned but slightly emotional reaction to an emotional attack personally.
When you are ambushed by something unexpected, it is well within your right to ask for time to logically and prayerfully work out a response. In preparation for this meeting, I asked my close friend what he would do. He told me that he always asks for time to consider what has been presented, to prepare a wise response, to consider what lessons can be learned, and to prepare an appropriate plan of action to correct the issue. After all, as I told this other individual in December 2009, it is unfair to expect me to respond in five minutes to something you have taken five hours, five days, or five months to develop in your own mind.
Sometimes things aren't really up for discussion. I have been the recipient of several conversations over the last few years that were mostly informative monologues. The outcome was decided before I even knew the conversation would take place, but at least some had the courage to tell me to my face. I hope they understand why I said nothing and let it be. When there is nothing to say, the best thing is to hold your tongue and press forward. I will do that whatever the outcome of this meeting might be.
No comments:
Post a Comment