I've been feeling sorry for myself since I saw my sister's annual video this year. She seems to have an exciting life full of awesome adventures, great challenges, and voluminous rewards. I know however that she posts the rosiest parts of her life. I know this because my parents tell me about her struggles. Maybe she has been to cool places like the Great Wall of China and the Persian Gulf, and maybe she'll get to see cool things during her two years in Europe. Maybe she has more money than I do. That's because her life, her responses, and her interactions differ. Even if I did the same things as she, I'd have different outcomes because I'm a different person and because I'd encounter different people. We compare ourselves to others all the time; it's a human thing to do. It's also usually harmful. However, in comparison there really is no comparison. While it's not as bad as comparing apples to oranges, it's like comparing oranges to lemons or limes or grapefruit or mandarins. They are all citrus, but they are not the same citrus. We are similar, but we are also unique, and therefore each of our lives will be too.
Upon honest reflection, I had plenty of adventures myself. I went away to college as an undergraduate, but she did not. Granted, I didn't get out much to "cool" places, but I did spend time each Sunday talking to and feeding the homeless, watching the balloon races, and just enjoying my life before technology, facebook, and one-upmanship. I lived in the Alps for two years. I didn't get to travel like she will, but I also got to see life up close with the people of Austria because I lived in little villages, attended services and celebrated festivals as one of them. She may see sights I did not; I got to meet and know people she will never know. Some of them were Nazis. I'm not sure I'm glad I met some real SS officers, but she won't, and in that way my life is different significantly with experiences she may never have. In graduate school, I got to study different things and meet different people and attend conferences. Afterwards, I drove over every square inch almost of Nevada on road trips. Those things might not interest her, but the more salient point is that they interested ME, and so I went on adventures that I wanted to do that I could also afford, and some of them created interesting and unique stories and experiences that I value. I went to Alcatraz one Christmas Day with my boss. I did cool things when I was her age. I also did things I didn't ever think I would or didn't want to.
I had to overcome struggles that she didn't have and go alone many times. I managed to overcome them. My sister managed to get a job that actually rewards her with promotions for doing a good job; mine just gives me more work. My ex wife wasted away much of our substance gambling, and I've recovered well, and that's impressive. Eventually, I purchased my freedom from her and "settled all claims and counterclaims", which didn't come cheaply. I try to think of it now as an educational opportunity that cost me more than I expected. The actual sum of my goods may pale in comparison, but my sister never even got married, so she never got divorced. As a single male, I faced several unsubstantiated claims of impropriety, and even though I came out as innocent, they still cost me grief and some small amount of money. My sister is a female, obviously, and they are usually not accused of improprieties. She finds people to go with her, and I usually go stag. That might be due to proximity rather than true affinity, so maybe she isn't with "friends". I did enjoy going to Montana alone because I decided when I'd had enough and didn't have to wait for a tour group or ask others if it was ok to leave early or stay late. I did what I wanted when I wanted.
Everyone is a package deal. If I wanted to have her pros, I would have to also deal with the struggles concomitant with her achievements. One of the congregational leaders in my last unit was a man who by all visible accounts lived an enviable life. He had a supportive and attractive wife, a handsome family, a lucrative job, physical beauty, a leadership position, etc. He also suffered from some chemical imbalances that caused him no end of trial. I would like to have the good parts of his life, but I drove home from services each week glad that I didn't have to deal with the trial inside his mind. When it comes to my sister, she likes different things, same things for different reasons, and pursues other talents. She's a different person, and she will live a different life. Also, she is better equipped to handle that life than I, in particular because she chose parts of it. I know she struggles, but not because she tells me directly. I can tell because of how she tells us stories about what she does at work and with friends and because I've visited her in her apartment and seen that she's also apart from the world like I. I think most people are more lonely and more disheartened than we think. Social media encourages people to post the rosy parts of their lives without showing the price paid to arrive there or the cracks in the pavement that undergirds their current standing. You can't trade places with anyone and just get the rosy parts; you get the whole package.
Our lives vary because our interests and opportunities vary. I told my intern last week that I believe "luck" is our perception of the difference between outcomes: we define as luck when someone's outcome differs from what we expect our outcome in similar circumstances would be. My sister never expected to go to the Great Wall, but another opportunity opened that door and she took it; I would never fly from Nevada just to see a stone wall when I could just drive to Ft. Churchill which is a few hours away. By virtue of circumstances, my sister managed to get an engineering gig even though she never intended to. By contrast, I ended up as a teacher, because I couldn't get anything else to work out, which doesn't pay the same dividends. Much of my compensation comes in unmonetized forms like when students take me again or write me thank you notes. I got one with $300 once, but I returned the money because I didn't need another ethics investigation. This month, I went back and watched the annual videos I made since 2010 for my family and realized the myriad of adventures and experiences I had. Many of those things my sister has done too. Her experiences were different because she is different and because she met different people doing those things. I also realized that before we did these videos I also had great adventures, and so I'm going to make one for 2007-2008 to catalogue my travels in Nevada. I'm glad my parents asked us to make these videos, because it reminded me of the richness of my own experience and of some rare and valuable personal perspectives too sacred to share here. Suffice it to say that I have seen God's hand, heard His voice, been rescued by His grace and steered by His eye to where I am. I believe that I am where He would have me be doing what He would have me do, and that's more important than all the luxurious vacations or creature comforts you could acquire. Generally speaking, my life pleases Him, and that realization gives me peace and hope for future adventures, no matter how rough or pleasant the road from here to there may seem.
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