In the information age, it's easy to get information about some people without their knowing you did so. We know things people didn't intend to tell us, didn't think they told us, and never intended to tell us if you know how to find it. Sometimes that information is provided against our desires. Sometimes it's provided without our knowing it. I previously wrote about how I detest Google because it tracks EVERYTHING you do and sells it for "advertising purposes", and I think I already wrote about how I hate the assessor's office for making available on their website details about the house I bought. I am guarded about certain details, certain stories, and certain information, and so when other people know certain things about me that I did not tell them, it does not win them props in my book. It puts me even more en garde. Just because you think it's a cute gesture doesn't mean the recipient will feel the same way.
It's that time of year when Christmas cards arrive. I don't send any, but I appreciate those who reach out to let me know they care enough to spend money on a stamp to send me mail that isn't a bill. Far too many people contact me only when they want help. However, imagine my surprise to receive a card from a woman with whom I have not spoken in months, whom I haven't seen since June, and to whom I NEVER gave my address. I am unsettled knowing that she has my address since I didn't give it to her. I haven't reached out to this person because I do not want to. Is it endearing behavior or should I be worried that I have a stalker?
Only one other person ever came to my house without my giving them permission to do so who knew me at all let alone well. The Jehovah's Witnesses come all the time, but they visit the neighborhood and not just me. When she arrived and knocked on my door, it didn't endear her to me. In fact, I felt violated. My home is my refuge, and I invite whom I will to visit, and she was never invited. Later, when she attempted to build a relationship with me, this affront made sure that we never became anything because I wasn't sure I could trust her to vouchsafe information she could only get from me and not pass it on.
I come into possession of sensitive information all the time. I am bound by HIPPA and FERPA to keep some of it secret, and I am bound by HONOUR to keep the rest secret. If it is not my information to disseminate, it doesn't matter how I got it. I believe very strongly that this is one major reason why my Sunday School kids like me- they trust me not to betray them when they share sensitive information. On the other hand, if it affects me directly or involved me personally, I am perfectly free to share it. I know these people found out my address in a sidelong albeit probably legal manner. The first discovered it because she was a realtor. The second still boggles my mind, but it made me even less interested in seeing her again. Who is this that darkeneth counsels by words without knowledge? I don't like when people have advantage over me by knowing information about me that I did not give them. All too often, they know half the story without the other half to explain the context. You will hear lots of things about me; some of it will actually be true, but only some.
Although I know that other people may know my address, they choose not to reveal that out of deference. It's the proper thing to do, to not use information gained illegally, unethically, or surreptitiously in order to advance your personal prospects. People do it all the time, which is why so many people are rich, but it doesn't make it right, and this particular person has made herself less compelling to me because she has information about me that puts me at a disadvantage. I could probably find out her address; I have no interest in so doing. I'm not stalking her, but the case could be made that she is stalking me. I think the take-home message is that just because you find it endearing doesn't mean others will feel the same, and just like any other projected behavior, unless you clear it with someone first it may not have the outcome you intended.
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