As a rule, I don't seek the company of or spend time with young people unless I am forced by circumstances to do so. Most of the young people I encounter come through one of my classes, either at university or at church now, and for some reason they trust me. They really seem to like me. The young men at church tell their leaders that I'm the coolest/best Sunday School instructor they've had, and although the bar for that is pretty low, they come back and retain things I say. I really do think they realized that I earnestly and honestly have high hopes for them and their futures, that this is my agenda, and that I'm not painting myself as an expert even when I'm correct. I want them to be better than I was, which is not a common theme of their interpersonal reactions, and I think they are young enough to believe in that, desire it, and leverage off of it to their gain.
I am not a threat. I'm not seeking out their company for some ulterior motive. When it's at work, the students generally choose me and not vice versa, and at church they come into my class based on their birthday, in the making of which I had zero say. They know that I am an adult, making me older than they are, but they really don't know that I'm very close in age to their parents. You see, they can't really gauge my age any better than I can gauge theirs, and since they usually guestimate based on the age of the children and I have none, they would have to piece things together and do the math. I'm not a parent, and I'm not their parent, and I'm not really friends with their parents necessarily, so they tell me things they wouldn't tell their parents knowing that I'm not going to betray that confidence. I'm not there to judge them; I'm not there to rob them; in fact, I have defended them in several instances, and they know it. When they take my advice, they benefit from my perspective and experience; when they ignore it, they gain their own. No matter what they choose, I don't gain anything or lose anything, and so they are free to take it or leave it because I don't live there and because there's no drama between us. I see them for a few hours per week tops, and then I leave them to their own lives. In other words, "I teach them correct principles, and then I let them govern themselves." Unfortunately some of them decide to turn their noses at and their backs to me, but tempis fugit...
They relate to me better than many other adults. Despite the number of years I have on them, my life is more like their life than other adults they know. Sure, I finished college and have a job, but I also work at a college, and so my life is just an advanced version of theirs and from the opposite perspective. The things that trouble them are the things on my mind, and most of what's on my mind crossed theirs. Although I am serious, I am also fun, doing the things that interest me whenever I like, and because I'm an adult with a real job I am able to do those things more frequently and with more flair and expense than they can afford. When I was young, I had an adult male role model who empathized with and related to me to help guide my choices, and I think young people want an adult friend. Sometimes parents attempt to do this, often with disastrous results, because they need their parents to be their parents, and then they need someone else like me to give them the tools, show them the ropes, illustrate the pitfalls, and point of without guile why I went where I went and why I think they should go where I suggest. I'm hilarious. I'm intelligent. I care about them (God only knows why). I listen to them. I remember things about them. I relate things to them. I don't really know about them personally, but I was a young man once, and I know what I faced and how I faced it. Things have changed in semblance, but in substance things pretty much remain the same, and the principles that helped me navigate well ought to help them do in kind.
I know things that can be of use to them. For many of the young people I meet, I am actually old enough to be their biological father, giving me the benefit of those years consequence of both mistakes and triumphs. Usually, I pass on the things I'm glad I know and the things I wish others had been able to tell me. It helped my sister prepare for her military career, it helped the USFS supervisor for whom I worked last summer get into and prepare for graduate school, and it helped several students navigate through and graduate from nursing. I'm a useful mammal. Sometimes, this gets abused, and they regard me as more of a resource than an actual friend. Many of them might consider us friends, but if they only talk to me when they need money, advice, comfort, or some other kind of help and then go have fun with other people, they're wrong. I know that the leadership of my congregation regards me as the right choice to teach the youth for this reason. Who better to teach them and act as an example of faithfulness and faith than someone who does his level best to live the principles he verbally espouses? I am an example, a beacon, someone who did it and does it and keeps doing right no matter what happens. That's the kind of person I would want to teach my kids if God ever grants them to me- someone who practices what he preaches and who practices what I preach.
Admittedly, it baffles me that young people listen to me and take my counsel. When I spoke in church on Easter Sunday, several of the youth with whom I have never spoken and who I do not know not only listened to my remarks but also remembered things I said. Most of them vanish into the ether once our time together ends, probably because neither party truly chose to spend time with the other, but sometimes students take another class I teach or recommend their friends come to mine because of things they enjoyed. Sometimes, I know it offends the parents that their youth talk to me about things they don't share with their parents and then follow my advice after their parents told them the same thing. I don't have an ulterior motive. I am not trying to be the panacea. At church I point them to Christ, and at school I point them to truth, and so my message is always the same- find out all the truth that you know and use it wisely. Now, I know the disappointment the same as parents when they choose another path, but since most of them are not emotionally attached to me, it's not the same as a wayward child or a painful consequence. One rejection still stings today. The rest, I can live with their choices. I did my part, and I know that it will be with me as though all men accepted my message, that God will send blessings without compulsory means because I treat them as agents and let them choose their own adventure.
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