Fruits of Faith in Christ

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Sometimes people ask what the benefit of faith is. Sometimes it’s easy to understand why. In some of our trials, as life’s storms rage about us and we remain tempest-tossed, it seems like having faith makes no difference. For many, years go by and nothing changes for the better in terms of the circumstances that first led them to faith and to their knees. It has ever been so. During his earthly ministry, Jesus ministered to many, including one woman possessed of a blood issue for many years. She believed that, if she could but touch His robe, she would be healed, but it was not an option until the day He finally passed by her way. Was Christ ignorant of her or ignoring her? Did He not care about her plight or hear her prayers? Sometimes the fruits of faith look different from the reward or rescue or the healing for which we pray. Consider these four among perhaps many others.

1. Faith in Christ gives you perspective
The world obsesses about fame, fortune, and fun. However, we all know that Instagram reels highlight only the rosiest parts or the darkest parts of the lives of people around us. Most of life is routine and responsibility, peppered with tender moments and difficult obstacles. Some of us enjoy more prosperity than others; some endure more abiding troughs. Faith in Christ reminds us that Christ came not just for the things of the world that burden us but to lift ALL of our burdens. During His ministry many complained that He did not throw off the yoke of Roman oppression; His sacrifice in Gethsemane and triumph over death on the cross throws off the yoke of EVERY oppression. Eventually the Jews would be free. Maybe not today; maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough and for the rest of all life.

2. Faith in Christ gives you hope for a better world
Because He lives, we know that there can be better things. When we think about His miracles, we know that Christ CAN heal any mortal travail. He didn’t heal everyone everywhere, and even many of those who were in his immediate vicinity were not healed in the timing or way they might hope. It was ever thus. Naaman was upset because the prophet told him to wash in the river Jordan when his homeland had better rivers. If he had refused to follow the prophet’s command, he would have not been cleansed. Too many people get upset when God refuses to follow our commandments after we spend a lifetime refusing to obey His. Even those who were healed were told to “show themselves unto the priests”. Some still chose to disobey Christ. When we think about the greatest miracles of Christ, we know that Christ came to overcome all travail, not just those of the moment in this world. In reality, many of those are of little moment or no moment at all. Yes, it sucks to be sick, but a resurrected and glorified being in the presence of God need never worry about being sick or hungry or halt or mute ever again. The real rescue and the truly better world is not here, but back in the presence of God, and Christ’s life and atonement make that possible where it was not before He came.

3. Faith in Christ opens you up to recognize and act on inspiration to benefit your life
Among the first principles of the gospel we find faith, but not just any faith. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the faith God expects of us. The things God asks of us help us purify ourselves so that we can hear His divine guidance and be willing to act on the uncomfortable suggestions He makes. When God commanded Israel to enter Sinai, it was not easy, but it took them to a land of promise. Sometimes we may wander in the Wilderness of Sin for forty years, but for those who will see as He sees and hope as He asks us to hope will inherit a land of promise. It wasn’t easy to build an ark. It wasn’t easy to go before Pharaoh. It wasn’t easy to accept the need to go to Ninevah. It wasn’t easy for the Disciples to trust that Christ would rise the third day. It is easy to be a doubting Thomas, but the miraculous thing about Thomas is that He went forth and preached that same Jesus because Christ opens the door by which we gain access to the Father. Only in and through Christ can God’s power truly access us, enoble us, inspire us, edify us and lead us to our own individual land of promise. Maybe it’s not where we like or what we like, but it will be of benefit to your life to follow Him.

4. Faith in Christ prepares you to receive any Divinely Initiated Assistance He decides to send you
It is only the faithful who can actually receive the blessings Christ promises. Jesus asked the man whose son had palsy if he believed; the man admitted he needed help with his unbelief, but as soon as that happened, Christ was able to manifest His power to the blessing of the man. Whenever we receive any blessing, it is predicated on our faith in Christ, not just believing that He is or what He said, but living as He asks. We show our faith not in blind recitations but in the way in which we act, and as we act, all men know we are His disciples and cannot, if they truly are Christians, deny the blessings are divinely appointed. Without faith it is impossible to please God or to receive any blessing from His hand. Christ is the way, the truth, and the life, and no blessing comes to us from the Father save by Him.

It is difficult sometimes when we pray, obey, hope and live as we are asked and the blessings do not come. Do you think that Israel did not pray in bondage for release from Pharaoh? Do you think Daniel said the wrong words when in Persia and got thrown in with the lions? Do you really think as Job’s terrible friends did that he wasn’t good enough and that God was punishing him? Job was nearly convinced of this. Most of the people who talk of hope and joy are in a place of hope and joy, so if you are still in the wilderness their words may rightly ring hollow. You haven’t failed until you quit. So, if you are not there yet, keep trying. Put one foot in front of the other. Take two steps forward, and even if you then take one step back, you’ve made a little progress. Fear not to do good, little flock, for He is with us. And His promises while not always swift are always sure.

For those of you who wonder how much longer, consider this song. Hold on; there will be light. That is the promise of Easter. The King is coming. Long live the King.

Dodging Dogs and Danger

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This morning on the way to work, I watched a guy hit a dog and drive away without checking on it. I was out front driving, and I saw the dog and stopped to avoid hitting it. He was behind me, speeding like a banshee, and went around me to pass and just smashed into the dog. I will be haunted for a long time by the sound I heard of him hitting the dog. There were two; maybe he hit both, but they were both young and none of us needed this enroute to work.

I don't really know what more I could do. I suspect that, because they were young, these dogs had never seen a car before except for riding in one. I suspect that they broke out and were just out "having an adventure" and had no idea that the day would go badly for them. I don't know who owns them, and aside from paying money out of my own pocket for a stranger's dog, I don't think there's much I could do. I don't know if the police even care about things like this. Did I do wrong? I second guess myself all the time.

It made me think about life in general and grateful for mine. I have outlived many people I know, and although my life may not be sunshine and skittles, since I am still alive there is a chance for a good day tomorrow or next month that will be worth sticking around for. Many children suffer; they hunger, they get cancer, they get aborted, they get abducted, they get diseases, and some get hit by cars too. Even adults can go at any time. I had a friend who was murdered in 2013 at the age of 41, and two years ago a guy I knew died of cancer at 37. Every day is frought with danger for us to dodge, and sometimes with dogs.

When my beagle was dying in 2019, I knew it was final. He had cancer. He was 16. If I took him to the vet, they would have just told me to euthanize him and "end his pain". I wasn't ready to intentionally kill something that loved me, so instead I tried to make every day as good as I could to make it worth him sticking around. Sometimes I wondered if, looking at his face, he was thinking, "Life keeps getting better and better. What will tomorrow bring?" Some days were blase; some were memorable in sad ways, but in the last seven weeks I had him, we had some tender moments that I treasure, and so I am glad for all the good times.

Any day could be our day. It's when it's avoidable or when young things die that we find it most tragic. However, any life not fully lived is tragic. We have so many opportunities. We miss so many opporunities. We dodge dogs and danger, but we also dodge hope and love and opportunity, not intentionally sometimes, but because we don't feel worthy or energetic or confident or like we can succeed. The dogs this morning looked happy when I saw them. I don't think anyone that saw them after the crash is as happy as they were. It was a wake up call for me to use today differently because it might be all I have left.

Before I left for work, as I have done for nearly two years now, I spent a half hour playing with my dog. We played fetch and tug of war. I scratched his belly and wrestled with him. I want so much to fill his life with good things so that, when he is gone, I have good memories on which to look back. I think all of life is bittersweet, but it is the sweet sometimes that adds savor to the bitter. I miss my other beagle a lot. But I also have a lot of good times on which to reflect where I did a good job at giving him a good life. I need to do the same thing for myself.

Today I dodged a dog and some danger. Today I am sad because a dog did not dodge danger and because some dolt in a Dodge ran over the dog and drove away. I am grateful that I was watching, but I am sad because the other driver was not. Today's tragedy was avoidable. I'm not at fault, but I feel angry and sad and empathy for anyone who knew that dog and loved him. I know how much I love mine. And I know that he loves me too. A dog's love is the closest I have ever known to God's love in this world since I left home, so there will always be a soft spot in my heart for dogs, especially the innocent ones who didn't deserve to suffer.

Remembering versus Regretting

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I give one piece of advice when I attend a wedding. I tell the married couple to go home and make a list of the reasons why they like each other, why they chose each other, while it's fresh and they are happy so that, when the storms come, they face it together and weather it well. I think that if more people kept in mind the reasons they made a decision, we might lose a lot fewer people, to divorce, to suicide, to other jobs, to other religions, to bad options of all kinds. You see, no matter where you go, there are pros and cons, and it is a human thing to do to focus on the negative aspects when confronted with a horror or struggle. In those moments, when we lose sight of the past, it is easy to bloviate the bad and use that as justification to throw out the baby with the bath water. If we had a means by which to reflect and remember on our rationale for making a choice, it might help us hold to the original decision rather than just trading an old set of struggles for an unknown.

They say that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but even if it is, it still must be mowed. All too often, we trade known things for POTENTIAL things that we perceive as possibly superior. I am old enough to know that those promised things rarely come, meaning that we are trading a guaranteed thing for something that is unlikely, and more often than not we end up worse off than if we just held our course. As bad as the known world can be, it is also a known world. It's very easy to romanticize another possibility when we grow weary of our current distress. However, there are still going to be bad people no matter where we go, so we must decide if the potential returns, if they ever come, outweigh the known outcome, and if we're actually willing to take the risk.

When I took this job, I took my own advice and wrote a list of things I liked about the job. Some of them, like the promotion potential, turned out to be lies. There is no promotion potential, at least not for me. I work in academia. However, it has some other things that I really like that turned out to be true. There is a pension. I get to teach, and it's OVERTIME. I get to use the degree I earned in college at work every day. I get to see "ah-hah" moments when students make connections. I don't have to take work home or go in for holidays and weekends. Unlike regular faculty, I actually get paid time off to use whenever I like. I have benefits. I get free internet and toilet paper and all I can drink water (and coffee if I wanted it). Parking is free. I could take six credits per semester for free if I wanted. And I get to address my work whatever way I wish as long as it's 1. legal, 2. safe, and 3. sufficient to cover the learning objectives. It's wonderful. No wonder people love government jobs.

There are struggles. It was hard to learn just this January that I will never be promoted unless I do what administration wants me to do (become a regular faculty and take a 10% pay cut and go to the bottom of the pile as faculty). If some of the things I listed in the previous paragraph went away, I might seriously have to reconsider if this was the best option. However, there are serious advantages to staying.

There are serious advantages to staying. Remember them. I know the storms will come. Marriage can get tough. Suicide can get tempting. Other jobs can be alluring. Other preachers may sound convincing. Are these other persistent persuasive voices promising you a potempkin outcome? Are they doing it for thee or for them? You can't "have it all" but you can want what you have enough to find satisfaction. There are serious advantages to staying.

If we all sat down and wrote out the reasons why we made the decisions we made, I think we might stick to them better. Whether it's jobs or marriage or conversion or what have you, there were reasons we took the steps we took. If those things were true and right then, they are right now, and they are happening to us right now. Other adversarial voices want us to focus on "what could be" rather than what is. It enflames hope but also fear, and decisions made on emotion are usually less wise than the alternatives. I know it sounds like a "pro and con" list, but really is asks us to do what makes all the difference in our minds. Remember.

Things Young Men Need To Be Taught

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Just a few weeks ago, I learned, for sure, that women do not care about a man's character or morality. I have long marveled to listen to women at church talk about what they look for in a man and what they love about their husband. They NEVER mention that he was a man of great faith, strong testimony, or good moral character. While they may mention other worthy things (I felt safe, he made me laugh, I knew he would be a good provider, etc.) none of the women talk about being an eternal companion. This is simply because young women are not known for their long-term planning strategies and are not looking at "eternal". They don't care about Mr. Right. They are looking for someone who is good enough RIGHT NOW.  In order to prepare young men to compete for mates and families and women, we need to change our standing on what we emphasize in their training. It is no longer enough to emphasize being a great man. Many men of great character and morality are overlooked in favour of men of great wealth, great looks and great status, because those are things that matter TODAY, and women are not seemingly willing to or interested in the wait until those bear fruit in eternity. Mate selection occurs NOW, so they need to offer things that women value NOW.

Some women do care, just not up front. You see, you can't see a person's character or morality by looking at them. You have to spend time interacting with them. Even then, all too often, too many of them just put on a play and pretend for a while until they get what they want. So, I can understand why some women don't like "nice guys" or think there aren't any. They have been played by players acting like men of morality. You see, it is true that men all do want the same thing: intimacy with women. Truly good men will wait and do things in the right time, at the right place, in the right way, and for the right reason. So, if you have never met a man who waited to be intimate with you until marriage, you haven't met a great guy. That doesn't mean they don't exist. I have spoken with women who admit that they married one, but that they "got lucky". They chose their husband for some other reason and then got lucky that he was also a great guy. Unfortunately for men, we can't just don a dapper hat and get +2 luck; we have to improve our odds with the talents God gave us.

We need to teach young men that, if you want to be competitive to get a wife, companion and lover, you need to be a good person AND. Some men will abandon principles, but that's not the right path. Women are looking for certain things, things they can see. I'm an educator, so I'm going to borrow my inspiration from President Hinckley and let your teachers give you A's while I give you the B's.

First, you need to BE of good hygiene. While some women will argue for a particular coiffure, it is actually just important that you take care of yourself. Wash your hair, bathe, wear deodorant, and take care of your teeth. Women have rejected me because I don't have all of my original teeth (which I lost as aforementioned), but I have never been told my teeth were not well cared for. My dentist gave me a B+ on my last visit. If you smell bad or don't change your clothes frequently enough or ever or if you don't try to take care of yourself, women will think you cannot take care of them. After all, would you pick a woman who wasn't taking care of herself?

Secondly, you need BE engaged in extracurricular activities that women respect. It's not enough to be on a sport's team. You must also play the right position in the right sport, or just work out a lot. Women seem to be more interested in "gym bros" than real athletes, because the workouts done at a gym are not for achievement; they are for performance. You are there to attract women. I played tennis, which is passe, and I played soccer, but because I was a goalie, I wasn't cool. Women don't care about board games, card games, collections, rocketry, or anything science really, and for crying out loud video games are usually viewed as signs of a loser. This doesn't mean you can't do what you like. You just also need to be engaged in extracurricular activities that women esteem. I collected stamps and did martial arts; built models and shot off model rockets. And I didn't go on a date until Senior Prom. There was a good reason. I was a square. I was a dork, and I only ever met one woman who found me adorkable. She married someone else anyway.

Third, you need to BE fit. Eat right, and exercise. If you don't want to play sports, or even if you do, if you are not fit, they won't even notice you. I exercised in high school, but I was kind of gangly and lank, hardly the physique of a chiseled athlete, and so I was frequently told "You're such a nice guy". I know now that's code for "loser". The males who are most desirable are those with either muscular torsos or rock hard abs. I'm not interested in either of those, but I can tell you that, although women are impressed by my discipline and dedication to running a 5K every morning, none of them are interested enough to date me.  Even at my best physical shape, women looked right through me at other men who were MORE fit.  They had genetics, and that's all that mattered.

Fourth, you need to BE well dressed. Fashions will change, and trends will be impossible to keep. However, you can always wear NEW clothes. Nice clothes. Clean clothes. It may not be the popular brand, but the point is to not draw negative attention. At a youth conference when I was 14, a young woman from my ward told me "As long as you only wear black, all people will notice is your teeth." She was right. And I was wearing braces at the time, so all people saw was a kid with glasses, braces, and a lanky physique. I looked like Sheldon Cooper. Of course back then that wasn't someone anyone knew, so I was a loser. I wore black, and I still do, because it's practical, but it's not going to get positive attention. You don't have to peacock and dress like Clay Aiken or Elton John. You just have to look like you care. A lot of my clothes were also mended. My parents were not wealthy, so I wore a lot of patched, sewn clothes. I don't mind it now (in fact I find it an effective litmus test for shallow women), but if you want to get positive attention as a young man, you can't dress like that.

When I was a youth, I followed the counsel of the church. I attended seminary, read scriptures, prayed regularly, and served a mission. Although my mission president told me I was the most prepared missionary he had ever seen, I can testify that no woman I have ever pursued romantically gave a flying pinwheel about my testimony, my scripture mastery, or my worthiness as a priesthood holder, and I watched women choose men who were none of those things because they were attractive. None of those things are attractive to teenagers or young adults because those people are not mature enough to recognize that they are valuable. And none of the women in my ward want to date me for those things now either. I teach gospel doctrine for the adults now, and they have all heard me speak from the pulpit (you'll have to ask them for details), and although some of them will refer friends and relatives, none of the women who know about my testimony and character firsthand think of me as a potential date. All too often, women are looking for a man who is "tall" or "ambitious" or who "knows what an Eames chair is". Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife; this is the thinking of a teenage girl. Of course, we are trying to get them married young (God only knows why), so they will have to appeal to what teenage girls think is desirable and preferable. And know what an Eames chair is.

We want our youth to be prepared for success in this world AND happiness in the world to come. We need to emphasize not just spiritual endeavors but also the activities and options that will give them the best chance at finding someone with whom to share their mortal life. Young men need to prepare to be worthy husbands and priesthood holders AND they need to prepare to be attractive to women. The general authorities seem to have wives who value them for their virtue, but even Elder Kearon's wife wasn't attracted to him initially because of his spirituality. She has admitted so, quintessentially.  The church is not enough. They need to be able to appeal to women where they are: with the attitude and values that teenagers value, and be great men too.

This article is not endorsed, supported or acknowledged in any way officially (as far as I know) by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These are purely my thoughts and opinions on the matter and should not be construed in any way to be policy or doctrine.

JG Wentworth Theory of Faith

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Far too many people think that somehow if we “have enough faith” we can boss God around the universe. You hear stories from time to time, including from the pulpit, about people who essentially “had enough faith” that they got exactly what they wanted. It sort of implies that people who don’t get their prayers answered have less faith, and it kind of implies that we have a say in what we get and when we get it if we just have “enough” faith. That’s what JG Wentworth offers us. He tells us that “They’re your blessings; use them when you need them”. Of course, it comes at a cost if it works. All blessings are predicated on obedience to the laws to which they are associated. Unless your faith is as Christ taught, it’s not faith; it’s wishful thinking.

The Period of Waiting. Some blessings have timing facets. There is no point in blessing you with a spouse if you are 12. There is no point blessing you with a lot of money if you are not in a place where you can put it to good use. The children of Israel were not allowed to enter the Land of Promise until forty years in Sinai, but Sinai can be crossed in a matter of days if you know where to go, even on foot. In Egypt, Joseph prophesied that they had seven years to prepare for famine and that if they spent the time well they would survive.

The Period of Suffering. Often blessings don’t come immediately because we would not appreciate them. The woman that grabbed Christ’s robes had been inflicted for YEARS with a blood issue. It was dramatic to her because she had been living with it so long that her faith was ready to be validated. If we got everything we wanted when we wanted it just for the asking, we would become dependent on God and just ask Him whenever things arose to complicate our lives. The suffering invites us to be submissive to God’s will and timing.

The Period of Action. Most blessings and miracles seem to come only when we follow God’s direction. Far too many people flaunt God’s commandments and then get upset when He ignores theirs. Naaman of Syria was very disappointed that, in order to be healed, he had to bathe in the Jordan River when his own country had better rivers. The Red Sea didn’t part until Moses put his foot into the water. Even the lepers cleansed by Christ were only healed when they followed His instructions to go shew themselves to the priests.

My point in all of this is that blessings do not come, answers are not had on the JG Wentworth theory. We don’t own the blessings; we don’t control the timing. We are not gods, and all that we have comes because God says let it be done. I don’t know why He makes us wait. I just know that sometimes He makes me wait longer than I like for things I know that I deserve. It took two years to find a new dog, but when Courage came, he was perfect. Maybe like I have you have prayed for years and not seen rescue. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. CS Lewis wrote that many of God’s best children have gone through longer and deeper trough periods than anyone else.

The world concludes, erroneously, that if you are not being blessed you must be evil. Job’s friends did the same thing. They concluded that he must have offended God and that this was the reason why God allowed the devil to deprive him of everything. Then we know God arrives and says, “Who is this that darkeneth counsels by words without knowledge? Arise, gird up thy loins and answer thou me.” It is a cruel lie that the blessed are righteous and that the unblessed are wicked, but the world always construes according to its wits. Not attempting and not succeeding may look the same in the end, but they take very different paths. If you judge only on the outcomes you will MISS THE MARK. It is easy to feel that God is ignoring you because He doesn’t bless you the way you want in the timing you prefer. That is not the way of faithfulness, and we know that those who see signs often wane in faith immediately after the signs end. How many people stopped following Christ when He stopped feeding them?

The faithful are always vindicated in the end. If you are not blessed yet, it’s not the end. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark. There were no storm clouds in the sky when Elijah called down fire. Mideon had a giant army; Gideon’s 300 men had God. Abraham’s wife was over 90 when she finally got pregnant. Jericho was impregnable until Israel shouted. Obedience is tough. Faith is tough. Often it’s difficult to see where the road may lead. Israel was reticent to follow Moses into the desert, but they reached a Land of Promise. None of these people were wicked, but they had to wait a long time before they say the blessings, and you may also find yourself wandering in a wilderness of Sin waiting to arrive in your Land of Promise.

If you’re not getting blessed, hold on a little longer, and I promise the light will come. I say this, and I have never been promoted, I have never found a wonderful woman who loves me and appreciates my love, and I am just a Sunday School instructor at church. I run a 5K or more every day, and I’m still fat. I have not reaped what I have sown, but I still believe that God will bless me. I believe He will bless you too. CS Lewis wrote that the devil’s cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do God’s will, looks around at a world from which all sign of Him seems to have disappeared, asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

My beagle is a sign that God has neither forgotten nor forsaken me. I don’t think it’s an accident that his previous owners named him Courage. God told me to “take courage”. And Courage crawled into my lap when he first met me and was comfortable. I have someone who is always glad to see me and who doesn’t care that I’m not rich or hot or of status. He just cares how I treat him.

If you’re not getting blessings, continue to have faith. Sometimes when you are walking in the dark, you can only move forward so quickly because the lamp you carry doesn’t light everything everywhere. Just step forward and find the path lit a few more steps in front of you. Remember the last Indiana jones movie where he reaches a chasm without a bridge and realizes that “Only in a leap from the lion’s head can he prove his worth”. Sometimes a leap of faith is required. It’s not a single second. It’s about whether or not you are ready to leap. One of my religion instructors told us once to act in faith and trust that God will stop you if you are headed in the wrong direction. Thermodynamics teaches us that objects in motion are easier to change direction than objects at rest. Eventually, either you will arrive in your land of promise or find God change the vector of your actions to somewhere that bears fruit.

I don’t know what God has for me. But I know it will be spectacular. It just might not be what I prefer. I know God loves us. I know He will bless us. I don’t know how or when or with what, but a loving God in the end will bless you with everything you have earned and everything He possibly can.

Pollution and Poverty

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The debate over "climate change" ignores, whatever your feelings one way or the other, a major bone of contention. It's not about the location of pollution or the virtue of human endeavor. It really comes down to a question of priorities. From ancient times to the present day, people have polluted, and the biggest polluters are those who are poor either in information or in resources, because those people don't usually live long enough to care. In truth most of us won't live long enough to see the world end from pollution, if pollution actually persists, but pollution is a concern of the first world. The rest of the world is full of people just trying to make it through the day without dying.

Everyone pollutes everywhere. Just today, the lid on my cup blew off and I didn't go running to fetch it because I was encumbered. In 2020, my friend and I found piles of plastic waste across the road from a cocao plantation in the jungle in Belize. You might not know that Jeru and Salem were separate cities that are merged because they built atop a large garbage pile between the two hills and conjoined the cities. Some people don't mean to pollute. Some people do. In 2017 I confronted three men (who turned out to be Federal Marshalls) for littering on Mt Charleston right in front of me. Those are the ones I detest, but most people have no idea what the consequences are, and many more don't know. My neighbors are pretty affluent and probably have no idea that, if they dont' clean up after their late night parties, the food they leave out back attracts rodents. And the trash blows over the fence into my yard. nobody taught them until me, and the man is 36 years old.

In antiquity nobody worried about it. There was always more land. If you polluted an area, or depleted it of resources, you moved away. The natives of North America knew this and would actually rotate their settlements to allow the land to recover. However, you can find videos about the large pottery trash pile in the middle of Rome where everyone just threw their broken pots and bowls. It was simply someone else's problem, and ancient governments were too brief usually to tackle things long term. Most people in antiqity were concerned with subsistence agriculture, and so there was no time for education, innovation, or preservation of anything but the lives of their families. It's not a dig. It's simply a fact of their lives.

In modernity the people who pollute the most are those who have the least to lose from pollution because they are concerned with basic survival. Most people on the planet to this day are poor and barely eke out a living each day enough to afford food for tomorrow. Even in the time of Dickens, it's clear that most Londoners were hand to mouth, which is why so many were in debt to Ebenezer Scrooge. Without banks or pensions, most people worked until they died, of disease or age or warfare. It was simply not a time in which most had the luxury, even if they knew or cared, to take care of "the planet". It was also, particularly in Christian nations, exceptionally arrogant to presume that you could do a better job at that than God, even as men scarred the land looking for treasure or power. What kept the human population in check was food. Now that we have enough, we have time for inventing and vacationing and relaxation and to sit in the jungle with plastic bottles that we leave behind because we're too lazy. It's not the way they say. If the climate is changing because of man, it's not because man is evil. It's because most men don't care because they don't have time. Someone has to manufacture and ship that crap you buy from Temu, and they don't earn much to do it.

Concern about "manmade climate change" is a luxury afforded to the affluent nations of the earth. If you consider the pollution output of most industrialized nations, the ones that are reducing their output are in no way keeping pace with those whose output is increasing. This is due to "men" but not for the reasons they proscribe. It is done because most of the nations who are the biggest polluters have burgeoning populations of mostly poor people whose concern is not "saving the planet" but "not dying today". Although the website mentioned in this video has been taken down, it is interesting to note that these nations have always been this way. It might not be politics. It might simply be poverty.

Marijuana Migraines

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Nearly everyone I know who was excited about the legalization of pot has told me that it "doesn't hurt anyone" and "has no side effects". Trouble is that I know that's not true. I worked in a clinical reference research and development lab about 20 years ago and learned that there is a 1/1000 chance that a patient will have the exact opposite reaction to a pharmaceutical/chemical. In this case, I'm the exception.

Most people smoke or consume marijuana to assuage pain. It also tends to increase appetite, open their minds to asinine conversations, and calm them down. For me, I learned it gives me migraines, makes me lose my appetite and get agitated. I first noticed these things at university where I must have had neighbors who were smoking weed, but since I wasn't doing it and didn't know any of them personally to see them do this, I didn't make any connections until after I moved into my house. One spring, my neighbor's teenage son started sneaking out his window in the middle of the night to smoke weed, and the smoke would waft into my open bedroom window upstairs and I awoke in pain. This disappeared during quarantine and then returned when new people moved in on the OTHER side of me. Apparently they smoke pot in the middle of the night between the houses too.

A few weeks back, I told this to my class, and one of my students admitted that he suffers the same issue. I usually bring it up to aspiring medical professionals to prepare them for the eventuality that a treatment they are sure will work fails completely. Some people get cramps from muscle relaxants, get hyper from sleeping pills, and feel MORE pain from cannaboids. It's simply a function of how the chemicals interact with each other, and apparently if the receptors are aligned incorrectly you get the exact opposite response. He is the first student to manifest the exact same issue as I.

So, when you smoke to "alleviate your pain" it does hurt others. It might not hurt many, but it does hurt. Unfortunately, based on the other behaviors of these neighbors, I don't think there is any way to alleviate this. They have shown over the past two years that they don't respect me or care about what I think. They park in front of my house so I can't, try to bury irrigation lines on my property, throw beer bottles into my back yard, play music into the wee hours of the night. In almost every way these people are a headache.

I'm not sure if they're better than the squatters they replaced.

Online Dating: Worthwhile or Wasteful?

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Today marks the end of a four year experiment trying online dating. I joined four different apps and four other websites. I laughed a lot. I cried a lot. I found a lot of it absolutely crazy. I did not find that it was worth my while except that now I know of my own experience that for men like me, it's a complete waste of time.

One of my coworkers found out just a few weeks ago that I was doing this and shared up her experience before knowing mine. She complained that, even on the LDS sites, men only contacted her in order to have bedroom fun. When she asked me what my experience was like, I told her that on those sites, I had no activity at all. Only two LDS girls even matched with me, one of whom never responded, and the other of whom said she never wanted to have bedroom fun. Ever. In fact, it was the worst experience because, within 10 days, I had been through all the profiles within 500 miles of where I lived and exhausted my options. Since women of my faith (of all ages and marital stati) constitute only 1% of the US population, it has the lowest refresh rate. This means that, although more matches were possible, they would come at an ever diminishing rate. If they came at all that is.

I kept stats and data along the way and put it into spreadsheets, but only one statistic actually bears reporting. How many dates did I go on in the last four years from dating online?

ZERO

The only profiles that would talk to me didn't actually have any intention to meet up. I believe most of them were either women who 1. wanted affirmation 2. women who were bored or 3. con artists, some of whom were probably not women or at least not the women in the pictures. In fact, I know some of the profiles were using pictures they stole from other people, because I could find those pictures on the internet elsewhere despite the fact that the "women" were claiming they were recent pictures.  Several of them tried the romance scam on me, but I have already learned to be wary even with women I know who are attractive if they have ulterior motives.

Years ago my best friend opined that "Most of what you find on the internet is pretty useless, which is probably why it's free" and in my experience dating online is completely useless. The only people seeming to have any success are the players- the top tier of men who have so many options they do not have any inclination to actually pick a woman since they can have their cake and eat it too and still have more women lining up hoping for their shot.  I had the time; I wanted to give it a serious go. I am a scientist, but that's probably what turns women off.

What did I learn? I learned that I am not considered attractive by women. Except for the least attractive women. I forget who coined the 80/20 rule, but it says that 80% of women are chasing the top 20% of men, and given my experience, I am definitely not top shelf in the appeal department. I know women IRL who think I am amazing, but none of those women would date me anyway (particularly since some of them are already married), and so I must rank in attraction somewhere near Sloth from "The Goonies" not because I believe I'm unattractive but because that's how women regard me.  If it were not so, some of them would have at least consented to meet up with me and give me a chance.

I have had women find me attractive, and the three women I can think of were also women I found attractive. Trouble is that those women were forced to get to know me for some other reason and then decided that I was sufficiently attractive for them to give me a shot. Unfortunately, none of them worked out, and one of them didn't actually end up dating me because she hates all members of my religion. The only women who will date me now are obese and/or single mothers, and I'm not sure the single mothers are attracted to me or my wallet.

If you are having success as a man in online dating, it means you are highly attractive. Unless you are highly attractive, you won't get much screen time. I have watched obese women flip through profiles of men far more attractive than I without giving them a single second of consideration. Ironically, highly attractive people don't need the internet to date. Women are already attracted to them. So, if you're just an average guy or worse, like I seem to be, I suggest you get off the internet and spend time with people who appreciate you even if it's not romantic. It will be far more fulfilling, and you might just even have some fun.

Why I'm Still Here

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I don't talk about this much, but something tells me that someone needs to read what I have to say, so I'm going to tell you why I'm still here. I don't mean on the internet or writing this blog. I mean why I'm still alive.

The story begins back in the UK where, at the age of 6, I died for the first time. We were t-boned at a blind intersection somewhere in the countryside. Since we were in an American car, the passenger was killed instead of my mother. The car didn't have rear seatbelts, so I was apparently thrown from the car and died in the street. While emergency personnel responded to the scene, I remember standing on the curb with an old woman, who turned out to be the disembodied soul of my late great grandmother who had died just before we went to the UK. I didn't recognize her or realize for many years what happened. I do remember that she told me that she was there in case I wanted to leave because I didn't have to stay unless I wanted to.

Obviously I chose to stay, and I remember waking up in the street where paramedics resuscitated me wondering how I got from the sidewalk to the street. I know now that I chose to stay so that my mother, who lost a child that same year, would not lose two children. I don't know how it would have affected her.

My kid brother is now lost to my mother. He is married to a woman who doesn't want their family to have any contact with us. Last year at Christmas, they were there, and I flew in back from my vacation in Poland to be with them Christmas Day in time to see her throw a fit and pressure my brother into cutting off all contact with our family.

I don't have a lot of ambition or passion. I lost my muse and the best chance I had at a life of my own back in 2013. Since then I haven't found anyone I like who appreciates me. I don't have much expectation for my life having any real purpose. Next week will be ten years since a woman who was not a single mother was willing to go on a date with me. I am here so that my mother will not have to lose another son.

I'm not suicidal. I am in no hurry to die. I just am tired of plowing and sowing and reaping while other people get to enjoy the fruits for which I labor, even when they don't do a thing. I am not ready for death; I am ready for life. But since I don't have what I like, I keep mine so that my mother's will be better.

Sometimes people ask me why I live where I live. I am here for my parents. I may not be their favorite son. I may not be the best son. I am however the only one who was willing to put down roots somewhere they were willing to live. When my dad had surgery, I did most of the labor on their yard. When my parents leave town I watch their house. I'm here for my parents.

It's mutually beneficial. They watched my dog when I went to Poland. My dad speaks German with me. We go camping and share the outdoors, and I go over for dinner most Sundays. I'm here because my family loves me, and I don't want my mother to lose another son.

If you have spent any amount of time reading my blog or watching my videos, you have noticed I am pensive, dour and critical. The only thing I have that gives me any kind of life satisfaction is my new beagle. They took me off teaching status at work and robbed me of access to students (their loss). The Forest Service is discontinuing the program of which I have been part since 2015. But my mother is still there, and during quarantine when we were not supposed to touch people, she took the risk and would hug me knowing that I had nobody else. Family is the only thing in this world that is truly worth a damn.

I thank God for my family. In my younger and foolish years I opined that things were not as I wish. Then I grew up and realized I was pretty lucky and blessed to have the parents I have, to grow up when I did, and experience what I know. Some things were disadvantages, but I like the advantages enough to trade for them, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope that you have someone in your life that you love and who loves you. I hope it's your mother. I hope your mother is one of them anyway, because I hope you have many people who care about you. What makes this life really meaningful is three fold. The knowledge you gain, the character you develop, and the relationships you nurture. That's what keeps people here and makes those of us who are still here look forward to seeing those who matter in the afterlife. If you are still here, I hope you know that even if I never meet you or talk to you or sit under a pine tree with you or travel Europe with you that I love you. I chose to come back, and I know that's a rare privilege.

Self-Made Purgatories: Infidelity

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When most people see a single mother, they presume that the man abandoned his roles and responsibilities. Often, this results from infidelity. However, it also excuses the woman from any responsibility or involvement in the maintenance of her own relationship. Sometimes people create their own purgatories and set the stage for bad things to happen to them. Such is our story today, a story of infidelity in which the wife denies any role but in which she arguably has one.

I once knew a woman about a decade ago that we’ll call Lisa. Lisa complained a lot about her husband neglecting her and her daughter to chat online, play online games after work, and play poker with his buddies rather than interacting with them or tending to responsibilities around the house. I consider that a legitimate grouse. However, rather than discuss it with him, confront him with the reality of what was happening, Lisa lighted on a different strategy. She decided to ignore him completely in return.

Her logic in making this choice to return quid pro quo was that this would show him how she felt and inspire him to pay more attention to her. It had the exact opposite effect. Dinner was never ready when he came home; he had to prepare it himself. No gifts were given to him for birthday, anniversary or Christmas, but she expected them of him. And she cut him out of the marital bed completely and refused to be intimate with him. While it was possible that he would up the ante and work to repair the relationship, he retreated further from her instead.

At first, I’m sure it was mostly platonic. I imagine he gamed more, complained to his poker pals, and watched more streaming shows online. Eventually however, he found a sympathetic female ear who first was just kind but eventually one that was welcoming enough to offer him what his wife refused, and he decided to act on her invitations, or maybe he brought it up. If you ask Lisa about her story, she’ll just say her husband cheated on her, and she won’t tell you about the decisions she made that paved a perfect path that made it easier for him to make the choice.

While I disagree with Lisa’s husband, I also disagree with Lisa. Ultimately she did not force him to cheat, and he made those choices to ruin his marriage. It did not have to end that way. She could have made other choices. I know this because my own ex wife also cut me not just out of the bedroom but out of her life entirely. She would just leave whenever she liked, spend money whenever she liked, and even invited strange men into the master bedroom, where I was forbidden. A sympathetic female coworker listened to my plight, but I did not indulge in that behavior. Ultimately I found a different solution and dissolved the marriage through divorce.

I confronted Lisa about this one day. She of course refused my spin on her life. Eventually I got tired of her playing the victim all the time and ghosted her essentially. I could not escape the fact that she played a role, and she refused to accept that was even possible. You can’t argue with idiots.

People paint themselves as the protagonist in their autobiography. They are seemingly never to blame. However, I know that Lisa’s decisions helped make it more likely and more possible for her husband to chart a new course. In a sexless marriage, without any concern let alone intimacy, what did you expect him to do? He was a husband without benefits. Rarely however do people seem to ask the woman what led to the infidelity or how she ended up a single mother. They are simply supportive of the woman, molly coddling her even if she was in the wrong, and the man is slandered and libeled. So was I. People just presumed that I was responsible for destroying my marriage, but if you ask my bishop at the time, maybe he’ll remember that I was the one making an effort and that she never welcomed them.

It takes two people to make a marriage work and it takes two people to destroy one. If we only assume that the husband and his other lover are the two who destroyed it, sometimes we’ll be wrong. And people who are innocent will be convicted in the court of public sentiment. That makes us wrong twice.