Pearl Harbor and the New American Experience

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You probably didn't hear anything about December 7th 1941 this year even though it was a day that will "live in infamy". I have a theory as to why. I flew my flag and I thought about it, but that's because my paternal grandfather was in Pearl Harbor when it was bombed, served in the Pacific, and told us only one thing about WWII, that he was glad he never had to kill any Japanese people. We have a changing perspective with each generation in America because being an "American" changes as our population changes. Luxembourgers work hard to retain their Luxembourg identity and are proud of their heritage because it has been the same for centuries before America ever became a nation. And America changes frequently. Sometimes our political leaders swap every four years. Certainly the interests of Americans shift. Almost nobody cares about Black Friday anymore. We have Americans who were not in America 25 years or even 5 years ago. And over time, some things are lost that should not have been forgotten. So is the case with the realms of men.

Government is partially to blame. The government, state, local or federal, does much better when people don't know things they can use to push back. I'm not supposed to know certain things, and it's clear when I push back at politicians, regardless of party, that they view us all as shrupshire sheep who need to be led. Here in Vegas, the government doesn't reward or recognize scholastic achievement. I have students who earn as much as I do working in bars, as valets for cars, and in clubs or casinos, so why should they get an education? If the government values it, why isn't there a pronouncement? WHy isn't it still on the calendar? Just after THanksgiving, I made a reference to a 19 year old student about 9/11 and he said, "What's that?" SO much for Remember 911.

Migration is partially the cause. We have Americans who came her from elsewhere who, because things happened before they came, never heard about it in school. So, if it's omitted from the curriculum or counter to THEIR narrative, it doesn't make the cut in family conversation. For better or worse, they teach the history of their ancestors more than ours, and so American history becomes in part more of a highlight reel than anything else. It's natural. Not many people living in Reid im Innkreis Austria have ever had to explain the statue of Dietmar Brunner in the town square, but I was curious, and I asked, so I know, but if you aren't from there it's just a strange statue unless you care enough to ask. They have cares enough.

Selfishness is partly to blame. In our commercialized world, if it won't make you money or bring you fame, people don't bother. Influencers are out there trying to get clicks, followers, and likes. This they do for money, and talking about old historical things doesn't rake in the dough like makeup tutorials, streaming video games or risque content. Truth doesn't go down easily, and so it's harder to sell or get people involved. Plus, we have a short attention span. When I was a child, I heard and learned things that, only because as an adult I care to revisit them, now make sense. When watching THe Music Man as a kid, I was admonished to remember "the Maine, Plymouth Rock and th Golden Rule" but it wasn't until I came of age and cared about history that I learned anything about The USS Maine. I bet you know very little too because it's not on your radar of favorite topics, and that's ok. You can't know everything.

Time is partly to blame. With rare exception, most of the men of WWII are gone. There is almost nobody alive anymore to make it real. Time erases things, and if we don't make an effort to remember, things cease to exist, not because they never were but because people forget they were. When Saving Private Ryan came out, people flocked to Normandy. You can't walk on the grass there anymore because they cordoned it off, but when I went in summer 2023, it wasn't anywhere near as bustling. The hype is over; the time has passed; the people are gone, and soon it will be like most cemetaries. Empty.

Our past tells us about ourselves and our direction. When we forget enough of our past, we risk losing some of our direction. I like to tell the story of a woman who, after cutting her turkey in half before cooking it for Thanksgiving, is asked by her daughter why. She doesn't know and asks her mother, who tells her it is because it was too big to fit in her oven back then. It's a silly story, but it shows that in a few generations the rational and reason for a thing are often lost on a generation separate in space and in time from the origin. We have a new America with New Americans, some of whom have no connection to the past. Some of them have no connection to America. Some of them don't connect to anyone but themselves, and some are helped to disconnect by the government. Americans are as diverse in their interests as in their origins. It makes us a rich nation in some ways and impoverishes us because we lack a common frame of reference. We don't have the same legacy as other nations, and we haven't ever figured out how to secure it for ourselves and our posterity, and so I am sadly certain that I will live to see the day when 7 December is for us the way 5 November is in the UK: sadly no longer remembered. That's the sad thing about being an American. Too much change and not enough hope.

Saturday Night Conference

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The church announced that they will no longer have a Saturday night session of General conference. This follows many changes over the last 15 years to the structure of general conference. First, the priesthood only session was broadcast so that anyone could see. Then, they alternated conferences between a priesthood session and one for women, which was odd because they still had annual woman’s conference but no annual conference specifically for men. They changed the age of attendance down to age 8. At some other time they changed age at which you received the priesthood to age 11. Then they just made it a general session. All of these changes surprised me.

Growing up, this was a tradition, and it was a special time and treat. I remember fondly gathering together with brothers, my father, and sometimes with grandfathers to attend this meeting together. Since you had to go in person, it got us to dress up and attend a church meeting on a Saturday night. Afterwards, we would go get a treat or dinner or ice cream and talk about it, first with ourselves, and then with my mother and sister as she came of age. It was a wholesome “boy’s night out” with a religious flavor that I enjoyed and miss.

Growing up, I believed that this was a way to separate the wheat from the chaff. Since you had to attend it live, unlike other sessions which you could watch online in some fashion, only those truly available and committed tended to attend. I found it interesting to note who came, who missed, who paid attention, and who was only there for the sake of appearances, and eventually I noticed that people came very late if the church offered ice cream afterwards. Clearly some came only to sup on milk and sugar and not on every word that preceedeth forth from the prophet’s mouth. I even got my maternal grandfather to go once after he lost mobility because I went with him and he wanted to make an effort for valiance one last time to support a grandson.

Growing up, I expected the Priesthood session to be a session where they would announce special things and, because it was not broadcast, only those who actually attended faithfully would know. So, I attended faithfully eager for the further light and knowledge and sharing of predilictions from the prophet that would only come to worthy priesthood holders. Boy was I wrong. Nothing noteworthy ever came down about gathering in Jackson county or selling all our stuff and getting cabins or special instructions for the faithful. IN fact, most of the time, the brethren would lecture us on how we needed to be better husbands and fathers, which didn’t sit or resonate well with me since I got divorced and have no children.

This week’s announcement killed forever my expectation that this was a special time for me, for men, for fathers and sons, for special instruction for priesthood holders from the brethren. Of course I should have seen this coming. When Dieter Uchtdorf came to Vegas a few years back for a regional meeting I attended because I was in a bishopric, his counsel could be distilled down to “Pray, use the handbook and follow your own personal revelation”. I wanted to ask, “Then why do we need you if that’s your direction?” Although lots of things change, I expected the Church to be more of an anchor in the storm, and then I realized that the anchor is Christ. Does it really matter to whom the speakers address their thoughts if they are inspired by and talk of Him? Will I miss out on His will if I’m trying to hearken to His words through His servants? Will He cheat me out of something because I wasn’t there for Saturday Night live to hear it as it was delivered? If we talk about the sessions afterwards anyway, can we still get together and share a treat or a meal? It’s the end of an era, and I’m glad I got to experience and share it with older male family members. With the exception of my father, they’re all gone anyway, and since I have no posterity there’s no passing it on to my son.

I found a way to make it meaningful ips post facto. I simply go through each Monday night for “family” home evening and reread and reflect on one talk from the last conference. Generally speaking, there are about the same number of talks as there are between conference sessions, except for the fifth session. Now that there’s no fifth session on Saturday night, I can reread one each week and give it some study and go back to my new normal. And afterwards, I can share a treat or a meal with my new family, because my beagle Courage knows it’s Monday night, and he looks forward to everything except the part where I play the piano and sing. So, I have a new tradition, and the change fits it better anyway.

A New Yardstick For My Life.

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Tuesday night after class, a struggling student stopped me to talk. She asked me, knowing a little bit about my personal Goliaths and Sinais, how I manage to find meaning and keep going. My answer surprised me and helped her, so I decided to share it. I had an older yardstick for living, which was kind of pedestrian, but when I answered, I suggested the following paradigm. First off, don’t try to “have a good life” all at once. Take every day as a single day and try to make each one a good day. You may not build toward anything grandiose, but if you try to live each day the best that you know how, how can God be displeased with that? Then, I suggested four instruments to make each day a good day: do something that you enjoy, do something that’s good for you, do something that’s good for others, and ask God what He would have you do that day.

Do something every day that you enjoy. Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy. We have enough work to do, trials to face, and responsibilities to handle, that it’s always nice to have something to look forward to that we enjoy. For many years, I have told students that I disagree with advice to “do what you love for pay” because, after 30 years of having to do it, people stop loving the thing they have to do for pay. Instead, I suggest they do something they like that pays well enough and then reserve some joyful things for their free time. That way, when you don’t HAVE to work, you can go do something you enjoy for no other reason than that it brings you joy. You can garden or sing in a chorale or read that book you bought four months ago and never got to or get a pedicure. You can treat yourself to a milkshake or go through old photo albums or binge watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy (just not EVERY day). Do something that actually brings you joy. The devil tries to counterfeit joy and rob you of the pleasure of living, but it is actually part of our purpose to have true pleasures. Play with a baby and listen to him laugh. Feel the wind on your arm as you drive a mountain road. Conquer that mountain you wanted to climb. Visit a friend you trust and who supports you. True pleasure comes from wholesome things.

Do something every day that’s good for you. This can vary widely, and it’s a simple way to enhance your life. Study a language. Take a class. Exercise. Eat more protein and less candy. Drink more water. Pray. Meditate. Play with your dog. There is absolutely nothing wrong or selfish or evil about doing something that’s good for you each day. First off, you are responsible for the care and nurture of the body in which God housed your soul. If you neglect to take care of it well, you will reap darkness and unhappiness. Maybe you can’t run a marathon or knit a sweater, but you can be more fit and find a constructive hobby. The journey toward better health is a series of small steps, as many as you like. Secondly, you cannot share any of your oil and meal if you don’t have any. It is important to take care of your own needs so that, when others appeal to you, you’re in a position so that, if you share goodness with others, they do not deplete you or hurt your well being.

Do something that’s good for others. They say that “doing good is a pleasure” and that sometimes the best way to lift yourself from the doldrums is to serve others. In fact, Jesus himself “went about doing good and increased in wisdom and stature and in favour with God and man”. Well, scatter sunshine. Pay it forward. Treat someone well without any thought of reward. One of my favorite things about travel is outing myself as an American by helping strangers. It’s well known that, although Europeans are helpful, they don’t usually volunteer to help. Americans, because we are overt, on the other hand will offer. I love helping strangers lift luggage, find a train, get directions, navigate the airport, and save money by interjecting when they need help and surprising them that there’s an American in that country who knows the language and can help them. Visit someone who is lonely. Help a stranger. Share your cart. Put your cart in the return. Change a tire for someone. Offer to buy lunch for the person behind you. They may seem like things of little moment, but moments are the molecules that make up eternity. And Jesus taught us that when we do things for the least of our brethren, we did them for and to Him.

Ask God if there’s anything He’d like you to do THAT DAY. I started this about ten years ago, asking God what He wanted of me that day. Sometimes, I get my answer after I say a kind word or do something I procrastinated and then He says, “That’s what I wanted you to do today”. When my dog was dying, many days He said, “Go home and love your beagle.” This is important for two reasons. First, it opens you up to divine correction and direction. Far too few people involve God in their daily decisions. While He might be part of the bigger picture with life goals and outcomes, He plays a minor role in their day, typically relegated to morning prayer and the blessing over dinner. Secondly, it gives you a chance to know that, even if it’s not every day, there are days when you pleased God because you sought and then DID His will. Many days it’s simple. Call someone. Visit someone. Be nice to someone. Give your students a pep talk. Offer up your extra loaf of zucchini bread to the department secretary. Say thanks. God knows us and watches over us, but it is often through another person that He meets our needs. You are His hands. You can also be His eyes, His voice, His ears, and His feet. One of the most important things you can do in this world is find out what God wants YOU to become, and do THAT wholeheartedly.

I cannot say that life is always easy or that I feel a sense of clear outcomes in these decisions I made and ideas I shared. I can however say that I sleep like a rock at night because I try to have a good day every day, and I can say that I look back and, despite not having an Instagram reel full of exotic adventures and amazing nights, I have a lot of good days that I feel good about. I have no clue why God asks certain things or doesn’t reward others. I run a 5K every morning starting 1 July 2023, and you can’t tell, but I feel better even though all that got skinnier was my wrists. I do things I like. I do things God likes. I do things I ought to do, and I help other people with things they need to do. If that’s not what Jesus did with His life, I don’t know what else He did. He asked us to follow Him and feed His sheep. This is my way of doing that.

It is a canard, in my opinion, that the only way to a satisfying life is to have a family. Family makes it easy. It provides you with a specific group for whom you are responsible and accountable, people you know well and with whom you can see long term results. But Christ never taught that. He taught us to love God with all of our heart, mind and strength and to love our neighbors as ourselves. If you have a family, serving and loving them satisfies those two commandments in a very obvious way, but you do not have to have a family to keep those commandments. People are brought into our lives often only for a season. Often the season is very short, and sometimes it’s shorter than we like. But there are no accidents. God does not play dice with the universe. He creates opportunities for us to demonstrate our discipleship. I also think He is not so much concerned with the outcomes of our actions outwardly as He is with the outcomes our actions have on our own souls. If you do good things, for yourself and for others, and you seek and act on His will, then your soul cannot help but be nourished, enlarged, and prepared for His presence. Maybe He doesn’t care if you get a PhD or promotion or a wonderful partner or a house full of children. Maybe all He cares about is that you come follow Him. And this is how you do it. This is how you cope with the storms and vicissitudes of life. Go about doing good, as much as you can whenever you can, and God will bless you ever the more.

Fridays

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Most people look forward to Friday. It marks the end of the work week and, as soon as work ends, the beginning of a weekend doing more of the things you choose to do and fewer of the things someone makes you do. As a child, I loved Friday because I often had all my homework finished, so I could play more and spend most of Saturday morning with cartoons. As an adult, it meant that I could go home, and if I was exceptionally tired I could crash, and if I achieved nothing that night I had two more days. I abused that sometimes. However, in 2019 something changed, and for many years I hated Fridays. Until now.

On a Friday in 2019, I came home from work to find that my beagle had finally lost his almost two year battle against testicular cancer. He was 16, so I was not shocked, but I was devastated, and that Friday became a terrible day. That weekend, I don't think I accomplished a thing besides burying him and cleaning up the spots where he had slept. Each Friday after that marked another week since he died, and although the weeks became enough that I could not count them without effort, I continued to wake up Fridays slightly saddened that another Friday passed since my best friend in the world died.

Despite this, I had a new beagle, and although I also brought him home on a Friday, it wasn't until this month that I registered that. I was singing "Amazing Grace" and came to the part 'Was blind but now I see' and I suddenly realized that Fridays were also a beginning. For my new dog, a Friday night had been our first together, and yet I had let four years of Fridays pass embroiled with sadness rather than recognize this wonderful change.

So, now I wake up and thank God for helping me realize that Fridays also include new joys. It's a special kind of joy for me. Yes, Courage and I spend other hours together, except on nights when I teach late where he gets about 90 minutes between my return from work and bed time, but Friday is special. It's when friends get together, and now rather than get together with pictures and memories of a dead friend, I share some of those wonderful things with a new one.

I am grateful to have Fridays restored to me this summer as a day to which I can look forward. Courage is a good friend too, and it doesn't distract from Indiana to spend time making joyful moments with a new dog. I think the worst tragedy for a loss would be if they knew that when they died you stopped living.

Gaston The Hero?

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In "Beauty and the Beast" Gaston is painted unfairly as more villainous than he deserves. Sure, he's selfish, brainless, and impetuous. He's not the only one. In fact, it's a very grim fairy tale wherein perhaps nobody is the hero. Have you ever stopped to question the prince? To think about his back story? To wonder how he transformed? Gaston didn't transform, because he was in that small provincial town with small minds and small pleasures and small reason to change. The beast had much more incentive to change, and even then, he almost didn't. Consider some other facts in evidence that show that, even if Gaston isn't the hero, he's certainly not deserving of the title: villain.

People mock Gaston's character but rarely question the prince. The prince is turned into a beast because "there was no love in his heart". He refused to let a beggar woman stay in the castle for a single night. Even after Belle arrives, he continues to berate and belittle his servants (whose loyalty is herculean in my opinion). His servants have to persuade him to invite Belle to a room. He knows that he has to find a woman to break the spell, and when a beautiful woman comes, he's too self absorbed with his own pity to even consider this as fate's hand outstretched to save him. His manners are terrible. His patience is thin. He's still in every way beastly except for how Belle transforms him. Who are we to presume that she could not and would not do the same for Gaston?

People quickly question Gaston's motives but rarely question the prince's. What does Gaston want? Yes, he wants the most beautiful girl in town, but to what end? Gaston wants a FAMILY. "We'll have six or seven." "Dogs?" "No, Belle, strapping boys like me". Gaston is looking for a wife. Yes, he probably won't suborn her interests and aspirations, but how is that a worse motivation than the beast? What does the Beast want? He wants to be restored to his human form. For Gaston, it's about family. For the beast, it's all about the beast becoming "human again".

People judge Gaston's decisions but rarely question the prince's. Yes, Gaston tries to force Belle's hand to marry her by carting away her father to an asylum, but when the father returns with tales of a beast, the asylum subplot disappears from the story entirely. All interest in manipulating Belle goes away as Gaston decides to go FREE HER FROM THE BEAST and win her hand. It's the same plot as Shrek without the jokes. Even when Belle shows him via the mirror, the beast appears angry and threatening. So, to preclude any MORE young ladies being imprisoned, Gaston goes off to slay the dragon and rescue the fair maiden. As far as he knows, she was trapped in a dungeon in a tower because that's what her father tells Gaston. As far as he can tell, she got away. Why would a beast let her go? It only makes sense to us because we know the other side of the story. Based on the information he knows, Gaston views himself as a rescuer, a dashing and debonair knight off on a quest. Of course it feeds his ego. What about the Prince? He decides "it doesn't matter, let them come". He doesn't care until Belle comes back. Only at that point does he care one wit for the future of his servants who are selflessly protecting his home. What an ingrate.

Maybe there is no hero in this story, but it's unfair to caste Gaston entirely as the villain. The Beast is beastly too. He's also selfish, brainless, and brutish. When Belle comes into the west wing, he overreacts, and he has to rescue her because she was afraid of him. Gaston was willing to fight for Belle and put his life on the line too; he just plummets to his death from the parapets. Without his servants, there's no way the beast would have wooed the fair maiden. Without them, he would have been just as bad of a choice for husband as Gaston, whose only advisor was Lefou. For me, Gaston is more heroic than we give him credit, and his death is just as senseless a tragedy as the beast's would have been. And Gaston is the only one who didn't survive to live happily after happily.  There is no redemption story arc for him.  He falls to his death and our scorn and never gets a chance to be a better man.  That's a tragedy.

Fruits of Faith in Christ

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Sometimes people ask what the benefit of faith is. Sometimes it’s easy to understand why. In some of our trials, as life’s storms rage about us and we remain tempest-tossed, it seems like having faith makes no difference. For many, years go by and nothing changes for the better in terms of the circumstances that first led them to faith and to their knees. It has ever been so. During his earthly ministry, Jesus ministered to many, including one woman possessed of a blood issue for many years. She believed that, if she could but touch His robe, she would be healed, but it was not an option until the day He finally passed by her way. Was Christ ignorant of her or ignoring her? Did He not care about her plight or hear her prayers? Sometimes the fruits of faith look different from the reward or rescue or the healing for which we pray. Consider these four among perhaps many others.

1. Faith in Christ gives you perspective
The world obsesses about fame, fortune, and fun. However, we all know that Instagram reels highlight only the rosiest parts or the darkest parts of the lives of people around us. Most of life is routine and responsibility, peppered with tender moments and difficult obstacles. Some of us enjoy more prosperity than others; some endure more abiding troughs. Faith in Christ reminds us that Christ came not just for the things of the world that burden us but to lift ALL of our burdens. During His ministry many complained that He did not throw off the yoke of Roman oppression; His sacrifice in Gethsemane and triumph over death on the cross throws off the yoke of EVERY oppression. Eventually the Jews would be free. Maybe not today; maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough and for the rest of all life.

2. Faith in Christ gives you hope for a better world
Because He lives, we know that there can be better things. When we think about His miracles, we know that Christ CAN heal any mortal travail. He didn’t heal everyone everywhere, and even many of those who were in his immediate vicinity were not healed in the timing or way they might hope. It was ever thus. Naaman was upset because the prophet told him to wash in the river Jordan when his homeland had better rivers. If he had refused to follow the prophet’s command, he would have not been cleansed. Too many people get upset when God refuses to follow our commandments after we spend a lifetime refusing to obey His. Even those who were healed were told to “show themselves unto the priests”. Some still chose to disobey Christ. When we think about the greatest miracles of Christ, we know that Christ came to overcome all travail, not just those of the moment in this world. In reality, many of those are of little moment or no moment at all. Yes, it sucks to be sick, but a resurrected and glorified being in the presence of God need never worry about being sick or hungry or halt or mute ever again. The real rescue and the truly better world is not here, but back in the presence of God, and Christ’s life and atonement make that possible where it was not before He came.

3. Faith in Christ opens you up to recognize and act on inspiration to benefit your life
Among the first principles of the gospel we find faith, but not just any faith. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the faith God expects of us. The things God asks of us help us purify ourselves so that we can hear His divine guidance and be willing to act on the uncomfortable suggestions He makes. When God commanded Israel to enter Sinai, it was not easy, but it took them to a land of promise. Sometimes we may wander in the Wilderness of Sin for forty years, but for those who will see as He sees and hope as He asks us to hope will inherit a land of promise. It wasn’t easy to build an ark. It wasn’t easy to go before Pharaoh. It wasn’t easy to accept the need to go to Ninevah. It wasn’t easy for the Disciples to trust that Christ would rise the third day. It is easy to be a doubting Thomas, but the miraculous thing about Thomas is that He went forth and preached that same Jesus because Christ opens the door by which we gain access to the Father. Only in and through Christ can God’s power truly access us, enoble us, inspire us, edify us and lead us to our own individual land of promise. Maybe it’s not where we like or what we like, but it will be of benefit to your life to follow Him.

4. Faith in Christ prepares you to receive any Divinely Initiated Assistance He decides to send you
It is only the faithful who can actually receive the blessings Christ promises. Jesus asked the man whose son had palsy if he believed; the man admitted he needed help with his unbelief, but as soon as that happened, Christ was able to manifest His power to the blessing of the man. Whenever we receive any blessing, it is predicated on our faith in Christ, not just believing that He is or what He said, but living as He asks. We show our faith not in blind recitations but in the way in which we act, and as we act, all men know we are His disciples and cannot, if they truly are Christians, deny the blessings are divinely appointed. Without faith it is impossible to please God or to receive any blessing from His hand. Christ is the way, the truth, and the life, and no blessing comes to us from the Father save by Him.

It is difficult sometimes when we pray, obey, hope and live as we are asked and the blessings do not come. Do you think that Israel did not pray in bondage for release from Pharaoh? Do you think Daniel said the wrong words when in Persia and got thrown in with the lions? Do you really think as Job’s terrible friends did that he wasn’t good enough and that God was punishing him? Job was nearly convinced of this. Most of the people who talk of hope and joy are in a place of hope and joy, so if you are still in the wilderness their words may rightly ring hollow. You haven’t failed until you quit. So, if you are not there yet, keep trying. Put one foot in front of the other. Take two steps forward, and even if you then take one step back, you’ve made a little progress. Fear not to do good, little flock, for He is with us. And His promises while not always swift are always sure.

For those of you who wonder how much longer, consider this song. Hold on; there will be light. That is the promise of Easter. The King is coming. Long live the King.

Dodging Dogs and Danger

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This morning on the way to work, I watched a guy hit a dog and drive away without checking on it. I was out front driving, and I saw the dog and stopped to avoid hitting it. He was behind me, speeding like a banshee, and went around me to pass and just smashed into the dog. I will be haunted for a long time by the sound I heard of him hitting the dog. There were two; maybe he hit both, but they were both young and none of us needed this enroute to work.

I don't really know what more I could do. I suspect that, because they were young, these dogs had never seen a car before except for riding in one. I suspect that they broke out and were just out "having an adventure" and had no idea that the day would go badly for them. I don't know who owns them, and aside from paying money out of my own pocket for a stranger's dog, I don't think there's much I could do. I don't know if the police even care about things like this. Did I do wrong? I second guess myself all the time.

It made me think about life in general and grateful for mine. I have outlived many people I know, and although my life may not be sunshine and skittles, since I am still alive there is a chance for a good day tomorrow or next month that will be worth sticking around for. Many children suffer; they hunger, they get cancer, they get aborted, they get abducted, they get diseases, and some get hit by cars too. Even adults can go at any time. I had a friend who was murdered in 2013 at the age of 41, and two years ago a guy I knew died of cancer at 37. Every day is frought with danger for us to dodge, and sometimes with dogs.

When my beagle was dying in 2019, I knew it was final. He had cancer. He was 16. If I took him to the vet, they would have just told me to euthanize him and "end his pain". I wasn't ready to intentionally kill something that loved me, so instead I tried to make every day as good as I could to make it worth him sticking around. Sometimes I wondered if, looking at his face, he was thinking, "Life keeps getting better and better. What will tomorrow bring?" Some days were blase; some were memorable in sad ways, but in the last seven weeks I had him, we had some tender moments that I treasure, and so I am glad for all the good times.

Any day could be our day. It's when it's avoidable or when young things die that we find it most tragic. However, any life not fully lived is tragic. We have so many opportunities. We miss so many opporunities. We dodge dogs and danger, but we also dodge hope and love and opportunity, not intentionally sometimes, but because we don't feel worthy or energetic or confident or like we can succeed. The dogs this morning looked happy when I saw them. I don't think anyone that saw them after the crash is as happy as they were. It was a wake up call for me to use today differently because it might be all I have left.

Before I left for work, as I have done for nearly two years now, I spent a half hour playing with my dog. We played fetch and tug of war. I scratched his belly and wrestled with him. I want so much to fill his life with good things so that, when he is gone, I have good memories on which to look back. I think all of life is bittersweet, but it is the sweet sometimes that adds savor to the bitter. I miss my other beagle a lot. But I also have a lot of good times on which to reflect where I did a good job at giving him a good life. I need to do the same thing for myself.

Today I dodged a dog and some danger. Today I am sad because a dog did not dodge danger and because some dolt in a Dodge ran over the dog and drove away. I am grateful that I was watching, but I am sad because the other driver was not. Today's tragedy was avoidable. I'm not at fault, but I feel angry and sad and empathy for anyone who knew that dog and loved him. I know how much I love mine. And I know that he loves me too. A dog's love is the closest I have ever known to God's love in this world since I left home, so there will always be a soft spot in my heart for dogs, especially the innocent ones who didn't deserve to suffer.

Remembering versus Regretting

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I give one piece of advice when I attend a wedding. I tell the married couple to go home and make a list of the reasons why they like each other, why they chose each other, while it's fresh and they are happy so that, when the storms come, they face it together and weather it well. I think that if more people kept in mind the reasons they made a decision, we might lose a lot fewer people, to divorce, to suicide, to other jobs, to other religions, to bad options of all kinds. You see, no matter where you go, there are pros and cons, and it is a human thing to do to focus on the negative aspects when confronted with a horror or struggle. In those moments, when we lose sight of the past, it is easy to bloviate the bad and use that as justification to throw out the baby with the bath water. If we had a means by which to reflect and remember on our rationale for making a choice, it might help us hold to the original decision rather than just trading an old set of struggles for an unknown.

They say that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but even if it is, it still must be mowed. All too often, we trade known things for POTENTIAL things that we perceive as possibly superior. I am old enough to know that those promised things rarely come, meaning that we are trading a guaranteed thing for something that is unlikely, and more often than not we end up worse off than if we just held our course. As bad as the known world can be, it is also a known world. It's very easy to romanticize another possibility when we grow weary of our current distress. However, there are still going to be bad people no matter where we go, so we must decide if the potential returns, if they ever come, outweigh the known outcome, and if we're actually willing to take the risk.

When I took this job, I took my own advice and wrote a list of things I liked about the job. Some of them, like the promotion potential, turned out to be lies. There is no promotion potential, at least not for me. I work in academia. However, it has some other things that I really like that turned out to be true. There is a pension. I get to teach, and it's OVERTIME. I get to use the degree I earned in college at work every day. I get to see "ah-hah" moments when students make connections. I don't have to take work home or go in for holidays and weekends. Unlike regular faculty, I actually get paid time off to use whenever I like. I have benefits. I get free internet and toilet paper and all I can drink water (and coffee if I wanted it). Parking is free. I could take six credits per semester for free if I wanted. And I get to address my work whatever way I wish as long as it's 1. legal, 2. safe, and 3. sufficient to cover the learning objectives. It's wonderful. No wonder people love government jobs.

There are struggles. It was hard to learn just this January that I will never be promoted unless I do what administration wants me to do (become a regular faculty and take a 10% pay cut and go to the bottom of the pile as faculty). If some of the things I listed in the previous paragraph went away, I might seriously have to reconsider if this was the best option. However, there are serious advantages to staying.

There are serious advantages to staying. Remember them. I know the storms will come. Marriage can get tough. Suicide can get tempting. Other jobs can be alluring. Other preachers may sound convincing. Are these other persistent persuasive voices promising you a potempkin outcome? Are they doing it for thee or for them? You can't "have it all" but you can want what you have enough to find satisfaction. There are serious advantages to staying.

If we all sat down and wrote out the reasons why we made the decisions we made, I think we might stick to them better. Whether it's jobs or marriage or conversion or what have you, there were reasons we took the steps we took. If those things were true and right then, they are right now, and they are happening to us right now. Other adversarial voices want us to focus on "what could be" rather than what is. It enflames hope but also fear, and decisions made on emotion are usually less wise than the alternatives. I know it sounds like a "pro and con" list, but really is asks us to do what makes all the difference in our minds. Remember.

Things Young Men Need To Be Taught

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Just a few weeks ago, I learned, for sure, that women do not care about a man's character or morality. I have long marveled to listen to women at church talk about what they look for in a man and what they love about their husband. They NEVER mention that he was a man of great faith, strong testimony, or good moral character. While they may mention other worthy things (I felt safe, he made me laugh, I knew he would be a good provider, etc.) none of the women talk about being an eternal companion. This is simply because young women are not known for their long-term planning strategies and are not looking at "eternal". They don't care about Mr. Right. They are looking for someone who is good enough RIGHT NOW.  In order to prepare young men to compete for mates and families and women, we need to change our standing on what we emphasize in their training. It is no longer enough to emphasize being a great man. Many men of great character and morality are overlooked in favour of men of great wealth, great looks and great status, because those are things that matter TODAY, and women are not seemingly willing to or interested in the wait until those bear fruit in eternity. Mate selection occurs NOW, so they need to offer things that women value NOW.

Some women do care, just not up front. You see, you can't see a person's character or morality by looking at them. You have to spend time interacting with them. Even then, all too often, too many of them just put on a play and pretend for a while until they get what they want. So, I can understand why some women don't like "nice guys" or think there aren't any. They have been played by players acting like men of morality. You see, it is true that men all do want the same thing: intimacy with women. Truly good men will wait and do things in the right time, at the right place, in the right way, and for the right reason. So, if you have never met a man who waited to be intimate with you until marriage, you haven't met a great guy. That doesn't mean they don't exist. I have spoken with women who admit that they married one, but that they "got lucky". They chose their husband for some other reason and then got lucky that he was also a great guy. Unfortunately for men, we can't just don a dapper hat and get +2 luck; we have to improve our odds with the talents God gave us.

We need to teach young men that, if you want to be competitive to get a wife, companion and lover, you need to be a good person AND. Some men will abandon principles, but that's not the right path. Women are looking for certain things, things they can see. I'm an educator, so I'm going to borrow my inspiration from President Hinckley and let your teachers give you A's while I give you the B's.

First, you need to BE of good hygiene. While some women will argue for a particular coiffure, it is actually just important that you take care of yourself. Wash your hair, bathe, wear deodorant, and take care of your teeth. Women have rejected me because I don't have all of my original teeth (which I lost as aforementioned), but I have never been told my teeth were not well cared for. My dentist gave me a B+ on my last visit. If you smell bad or don't change your clothes frequently enough or ever or if you don't try to take care of yourself, women will think you cannot take care of them. After all, would you pick a woman who wasn't taking care of herself?

Secondly, you need BE engaged in extracurricular activities that women respect. It's not enough to be on a sport's team. You must also play the right position in the right sport, or just work out a lot. Women seem to be more interested in "gym bros" than real athletes, because the workouts done at a gym are not for achievement; they are for performance. You are there to attract women. I played tennis, which is passe, and I played soccer, but because I was a goalie, I wasn't cool. Women don't care about board games, card games, collections, rocketry, or anything science really, and for crying out loud video games are usually viewed as signs of a loser. This doesn't mean you can't do what you like. You just also need to be engaged in extracurricular activities that women esteem. I collected stamps and did martial arts; built models and shot off model rockets. And I didn't go on a date until Senior Prom. There was a good reason. I was a square. I was a dork, and I only ever met one woman who found me adorkable. She married someone else anyway.

Third, you need to BE fit. Eat right, and exercise. If you don't want to play sports, or even if you do, if you are not fit, they won't even notice you. I exercised in high school, but I was kind of gangly and lank, hardly the physique of a chiseled athlete, and so I was frequently told "You're such a nice guy". I know now that's code for "loser". The males who are most desirable are those with either muscular torsos or rock hard abs. I'm not interested in either of those, but I can tell you that, although women are impressed by my discipline and dedication to running a 5K every morning, none of them are interested enough to date me.  Even at my best physical shape, women looked right through me at other men who were MORE fit.  They had genetics, and that's all that mattered.

Fourth, you need to BE well dressed. Fashions will change, and trends will be impossible to keep. However, you can always wear NEW clothes. Nice clothes. Clean clothes. It may not be the popular brand, but the point is to not draw negative attention. At a youth conference when I was 14, a young woman from my ward told me "As long as you only wear black, all people will notice is your teeth." She was right. And I was wearing braces at the time, so all people saw was a kid with glasses, braces, and a lanky physique. I looked like Sheldon Cooper. Of course back then that wasn't someone anyone knew, so I was a loser. I wore black, and I still do, because it's practical, but it's not going to get positive attention. You don't have to peacock and dress like Clay Aiken or Elton John. You just have to look like you care. A lot of my clothes were also mended. My parents were not wealthy, so I wore a lot of patched, sewn clothes. I don't mind it now (in fact I find it an effective litmus test for shallow women), but if you want to get positive attention as a young man, you can't dress like that.

When I was a youth, I followed the counsel of the church. I attended seminary, read scriptures, prayed regularly, and served a mission. Although my mission president told me I was the most prepared missionary he had ever seen, I can testify that no woman I have ever pursued romantically gave a flying pinwheel about my testimony, my scripture mastery, or my worthiness as a priesthood holder, and I watched women choose men who were none of those things because they were attractive. None of those things are attractive to teenagers or young adults because those people are not mature enough to recognize that they are valuable. And none of the women in my ward want to date me for those things now either. I teach gospel doctrine for the adults now, and they have all heard me speak from the pulpit (you'll have to ask them for details), and although some of them will refer friends and relatives, none of the women who know about my testimony and character firsthand think of me as a potential date. All too often, women are looking for a man who is "tall" or "ambitious" or who "knows what an Eames chair is". Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife; this is the thinking of a teenage girl. Of course, we are trying to get them married young (God only knows why), so they will have to appeal to what teenage girls think is desirable and preferable. And know what an Eames chair is.

We want our youth to be prepared for success in this world AND happiness in the world to come. We need to emphasize not just spiritual endeavors but also the activities and options that will give them the best chance at finding someone with whom to share their mortal life. Young men need to prepare to be worthy husbands and priesthood holders AND they need to prepare to be attractive to women. The general authorities seem to have wives who value them for their virtue, but even Elder Kearon's wife wasn't attracted to him initially because of his spirituality. She has admitted so, quintessentially.  The church is not enough. They need to be able to appeal to women where they are: with the attitude and values that teenagers value, and be great men too.

This article is not endorsed, supported or acknowledged in any way officially (as far as I know) by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These are purely my thoughts and opinions on the matter and should not be construed in any way to be policy or doctrine.

JG Wentworth Theory of Faith

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Far too many people think that somehow if we “have enough faith” we can boss God around the universe. You hear stories from time to time, including from the pulpit, about people who essentially “had enough faith” that they got exactly what they wanted. It sort of implies that people who don’t get their prayers answered have less faith, and it kind of implies that we have a say in what we get and when we get it if we just have “enough” faith. That’s what JG Wentworth offers us. He tells us that “They’re your blessings; use them when you need them”. Of course, it comes at a cost if it works. All blessings are predicated on obedience to the laws to which they are associated. Unless your faith is as Christ taught, it’s not faith; it’s wishful thinking.

The Period of Waiting. Some blessings have timing facets. There is no point in blessing you with a spouse if you are 12. There is no point blessing you with a lot of money if you are not in a place where you can put it to good use. The children of Israel were not allowed to enter the Land of Promise until forty years in Sinai, but Sinai can be crossed in a matter of days if you know where to go, even on foot. In Egypt, Joseph prophesied that they had seven years to prepare for famine and that if they spent the time well they would survive.

The Period of Suffering. Often blessings don’t come immediately because we would not appreciate them. The woman that grabbed Christ’s robes had been inflicted for YEARS with a blood issue. It was dramatic to her because she had been living with it so long that her faith was ready to be validated. If we got everything we wanted when we wanted it just for the asking, we would become dependent on God and just ask Him whenever things arose to complicate our lives. The suffering invites us to be submissive to God’s will and timing.

The Period of Action. Most blessings and miracles seem to come only when we follow God’s direction. Far too many people flaunt God’s commandments and then get upset when He ignores theirs. Naaman of Syria was very disappointed that, in order to be healed, he had to bathe in the Jordan River when his own country had better rivers. The Red Sea didn’t part until Moses put his foot into the water. Even the lepers cleansed by Christ were only healed when they followed His instructions to go shew themselves to the priests.

My point in all of this is that blessings do not come, answers are not had on the JG Wentworth theory. We don’t own the blessings; we don’t control the timing. We are not gods, and all that we have comes because God says let it be done. I don’t know why He makes us wait. I just know that sometimes He makes me wait longer than I like for things I know that I deserve. It took two years to find a new dog, but when Courage came, he was perfect. Maybe like I have you have prayed for years and not seen rescue. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. CS Lewis wrote that many of God’s best children have gone through longer and deeper trough periods than anyone else.

The world concludes, erroneously, that if you are not being blessed you must be evil. Job’s friends did the same thing. They concluded that he must have offended God and that this was the reason why God allowed the devil to deprive him of everything. Then we know God arrives and says, “Who is this that darkeneth counsels by words without knowledge? Arise, gird up thy loins and answer thou me.” It is a cruel lie that the blessed are righteous and that the unblessed are wicked, but the world always construes according to its wits. Not attempting and not succeeding may look the same in the end, but they take very different paths. If you judge only on the outcomes you will MISS THE MARK. It is easy to feel that God is ignoring you because He doesn’t bless you the way you want in the timing you prefer. That is not the way of faithfulness, and we know that those who see signs often wane in faith immediately after the signs end. How many people stopped following Christ when He stopped feeding them?

The faithful are always vindicated in the end. If you are not blessed yet, it’s not the end. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark. There were no storm clouds in the sky when Elijah called down fire. Mideon had a giant army; Gideon’s 300 men had God. Abraham’s wife was over 90 when she finally got pregnant. Jericho was impregnable until Israel shouted. Obedience is tough. Faith is tough. Often it’s difficult to see where the road may lead. Israel was reticent to follow Moses into the desert, but they reached a Land of Promise. None of these people were wicked, but they had to wait a long time before they say the blessings, and you may also find yourself wandering in a wilderness of Sin waiting to arrive in your Land of Promise.

If you’re not getting blessed, hold on a little longer, and I promise the light will come. I say this, and I have never been promoted, I have never found a wonderful woman who loves me and appreciates my love, and I am just a Sunday School instructor at church. I run a 5K or more every day, and I’m still fat. I have not reaped what I have sown, but I still believe that God will bless me. I believe He will bless you too. CS Lewis wrote that the devil’s cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do God’s will, looks around at a world from which all sign of Him seems to have disappeared, asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

My beagle is a sign that God has neither forgotten nor forsaken me. I don’t think it’s an accident that his previous owners named him Courage. God told me to “take courage”. And Courage crawled into my lap when he first met me and was comfortable. I have someone who is always glad to see me and who doesn’t care that I’m not rich or hot or of status. He just cares how I treat him.

If you’re not getting blessings, continue to have faith. Sometimes when you are walking in the dark, you can only move forward so quickly because the lamp you carry doesn’t light everything everywhere. Just step forward and find the path lit a few more steps in front of you. Remember the last Indiana jones movie where he reaches a chasm without a bridge and realizes that “Only in a leap from the lion’s head can he prove his worth”. Sometimes a leap of faith is required. It’s not a single second. It’s about whether or not you are ready to leap. One of my religion instructors told us once to act in faith and trust that God will stop you if you are headed in the wrong direction. Thermodynamics teaches us that objects in motion are easier to change direction than objects at rest. Eventually, either you will arrive in your land of promise or find God change the vector of your actions to somewhere that bears fruit.

I don’t know what God has for me. But I know it will be spectacular. It just might not be what I prefer. I know God loves us. I know He will bless us. I don’t know how or when or with what, but a loving God in the end will bless you with everything you have earned and everything He possibly can.