Today marks the end of a four year experiment trying online dating. I joined four different apps and four other websites. I laughed a lot. I cried a lot. I found a lot of it absolutely crazy. I did not find that it was worth my while except that now I know of my own experience that for men like me, it's a complete waste of time.
One of my coworkers found out just a few weeks ago that I was doing this and shared up her experience before knowing mine. She complained that, even on the LDS sites, men only contacted her in order to have bedroom fun. When she asked me what my experience was like, I told her that on those sites, I had no activity at all. Only two LDS girls even matched with me, one of whom never responded, and the other of whom said she never wanted to have bedroom fun. Ever. In fact, it was the worst experience because, within 10 days, I had been through all the profiles within 500 miles of where I lived and exhausted my options. Since women of my faith (of all ages and marital stati) constitute only 1% of the US population, it has the lowest refresh rate. This means that, although more matches were possible, they would come at an ever diminishing rate. If they came at all that is.
I kept stats and data along the way and put it into spreadsheets, but only one statistic actually bears reporting. How many dates did I go on in the last four years from dating online?
ZERO
The only profiles that would talk to me didn't actually have any intention to meet up. I believe most of them were either women who 1. wanted affirmation 2. women who were bored or 3. con artists, some of whom were probably not women or at least not the women in the pictures. In fact, I know some of the profiles were using pictures they stole from other people, because I could find those pictures on the internet elsewhere despite the fact that the "women" were claiming they were recent pictures. Several of them tried the romance scam on me, but I have already learned to be wary even with women I know who are attractive if they have ulterior motives.
Years ago my best friend opined that "Most of what you find on the internet is pretty useless, which is probably why it's free" and in my experience dating online is completely useless. The only people seeming to have any success are the players- the top tier of men who have so many options they do not have any inclination to actually pick a woman since they can have their cake and eat it too and still have more women lining up hoping for their shot. I had the time; I wanted to give it a serious go. I am a scientist, but that's probably what turns women off.
What did I learn? I learned that I am not considered attractive by women. Except for the least attractive women. I forget who coined the 80/20 rule, but it says that 80% of women are chasing the top 20% of men, and given my experience, I am definitely not top shelf in the appeal department. I know women IRL who think I am amazing, but none of those women would date me anyway (particularly since some of them are already married), and so I must rank in attraction somewhere near Sloth from "The Goonies" not because I believe I'm unattractive but because that's how women regard me. If it were not so, some of them would have at least consented to meet up with me and give me a chance.
I have had women find me attractive, and the three women I can think of were also women I found attractive. Trouble is that those women were forced to get to know me for some other reason and then decided that I was sufficiently attractive for them to give me a shot. Unfortunately, none of them worked out, and one of them didn't actually end up dating me because she hates all members of my religion. The only women who will date me now are obese and/or single mothers, and I'm not sure the single mothers are attracted to me or my wallet.
If you are having success as a man in online dating, it means you are highly attractive. Unless you are highly attractive, you won't get much screen time. I have watched obese women flip through profiles of men far more attractive than I without giving them a single second of consideration. Ironically, highly attractive people don't need the internet to date. Women are already attracted to them. So, if you're just an average guy or worse, like I seem to be, I suggest you get off the internet and spend time with people who appreciate you even if it's not romantic. It will be far more fulfilling, and you might just even have some fun.
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