I give one piece of advice when I attend a wedding. I tell the married couple to go home and make a list of the reasons why they like each other, why they chose each other, while it's fresh and they are happy so that, when the storms come, they face it together and weather it well. I think that if more people kept in mind the reasons they made a decision, we might lose a lot fewer people, to divorce, to suicide, to other jobs, to other religions, to bad options of all kinds. You see, no matter where you go, there are pros and cons, and it is a human thing to do to focus on the negative aspects when confronted with a horror or struggle. In those moments, when we lose sight of the past, it is easy to bloviate the bad and use that as justification to throw out the baby with the bath water. If we had a means by which to reflect and remember on our rationale for making a choice, it might help us hold to the original decision rather than just trading an old set of struggles for an unknown.
They say that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but even if it is, it still must be mowed. All too often, we trade known things for POTENTIAL things that we perceive as possibly superior. I am old enough to know that those promised things rarely come, meaning that we are trading a guaranteed thing for something that is unlikely, and more often than not we end up worse off than if we just held our course. As bad as the known world can be, it is also a known world. It's very easy to romanticize another possibility when we grow weary of our current distress. However, there are still going to be bad people no matter where we go, so we must decide if the potential returns, if they ever come, outweigh the known outcome, and if we're actually willing to take the risk.
When I took this job, I took my own advice and wrote a list of things I liked about the job. Some of them, like the promotion potential, turned out to be lies. There is no promotion potential, at least not for me. I work in academia. However, it has some other things that I really like that turned out to be true. There is a pension. I get to teach, and it's OVERTIME. I get to use the degree I earned in college at work every day. I get to see "ah-hah" moments when students make connections. I don't have to take work home or go in for holidays and weekends. Unlike regular faculty, I actually get paid time off to use whenever I like. I have benefits. I get free internet and toilet paper and all I can drink water (and coffee if I wanted it). Parking is free. I could take six credits per semester for free if I wanted. And I get to address my work whatever way I wish as long as it's 1. legal, 2. safe, and 3. sufficient to cover the learning objectives. It's wonderful. No wonder people love government jobs.
There are struggles. It was hard to learn just this January that I will never be promoted unless I do what administration wants me to do (become a regular faculty and take a 10% pay cut and go to the bottom of the pile as faculty). If some of the things I listed in the previous paragraph went away, I might seriously have to reconsider if this was the best option. However, there are serious advantages to staying.
There are serious advantages to staying. Remember them. I know the storms will come. Marriage can get tough. Suicide can get tempting. Other jobs can be alluring. Other preachers may sound convincing. Are these other persistent persuasive voices promising you a potempkin outcome? Are they doing it for thee or for them? You can't "have it all" but you can want what you have enough to find satisfaction. There are serious advantages to staying.
If we all sat down and wrote out the reasons why we made the decisions we made, I think we might stick to them better. Whether it's jobs or marriage or conversion or what have you, there were reasons we took the steps we took. If those things were true and right then, they are right now, and they are happening to us right now. Other adversarial voices want us to focus on "what could be" rather than what is. It enflames hope but also fear, and decisions made on emotion are usually less wise than the alternatives. I know it sounds like a "pro and con" list, but really is asks us to do what makes all the difference in our minds. Remember.
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