Oregon Trail and Romance

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Growing up, one of the most popular video games was Oregon Trail. I think in part we enjoyed it so much because “computer class” allowed us to play games rather than do work. It features a strategy, turn-based interface with randomized challenges and planned events to overcome as you move through a simulation of the trek from Independence MO to the Willamette Valley. It dawned on me this past week that the Oregon Trail game is a microcosm for modern romance, and I will explain why.

Party selection

The game offers you three options for crossing the plains. You can be a banker, a carpenter or a farmer. Each of these comes with strengths and weaknesses. Bankers are richer and can start off with better equipment, but the carpenter can repair the wagon for less despite his lower starting wealth. In the game as in life, there are pros and cons to the potential mates a woman can choose, and the option you pick may predict your ultimate prospects for success. In the game as in life, the banker had the greatest likelihood of success because of his wealth, because you could buy more goods, pay for portage, bribe the natives, and treat your own diseases or wounds. However, you got more points at the end if you could get to Oregon as a farmer, since the whole point of the valley was to farm it.

Obstacles

The route to Oregon is beset with difficulties, natural and random. Depending on when you go, you face weather conditions. The game builds random challenges into your game like damage to your wagon, sickness in your party, injuries to your family, and roadblocks to your progress. Sometimes you can spend time or money to overcome them. Depending on whom you chose to be, you have different prospects for success over these challenges. It is possible to lose members of your party along the way to disease or war parties or injury. I died many times trying to cross the plains as a farmer. The final stretch puts you on the river where you have to navigate the rapids, and it is possible to get this far and have everything go right up to that point and then lose by crashing along the river. The most difficult challenge comes right before the end.

Prospects for success

Upon arriving in Oregon, each of the players faces different prospects for success. New settlements need bankers less than the other professions, and you don’t get extra points from the game for not spending money. Carpenters bring skills and farmers bring the ability to survive and thrive, but they are less appealing vocations in the modern world. However useful those other options may be, many players pick the banker, because there is a stigma against being a lowly farmer. You get more points if you can make it there as a farmer, because it’s harder to cross but more valuable in Oregon if you come as a farmer.

Unfortunately the world scores our trek to Oregon differently. Very few women like blue collar workers or farmers as their mates. Since we don’t live in a world where people are scraping by like they would be in the old west, very few women find men valuable unless they are rich like the banker.

Over the past several years, many of the elderly members of my congregation and neighborhood tried to set me up, unsuccessfully, with daughters, granddaughters and friends. Most of these women were attractive. None of them were interested in me. I’m essentially a glorified teacher as a chemistry professor. These women know that I would be a good son in law or grandson in law. They know where I am headed. I’m headed to Oregon, a place of potential prosperity and peace, and they know it’s a good place where they would like their female descendants to be. The younger women however see the journey and have no interest in crossing the prairie with me. They don’t want to face the risk of smallpox, dysentery, injury, Indian attack, floods, storms, bear attack, or wreckage on a river crossing. They don’t want to help me get to Oregon. They don’t want to have to do the work. They want to fly to Oregon and then pick from the winners who manage to arrive, especially those who “make bank”. They are not interested in struggling with me but wish to benefit from my successes after the struggle.

I understand the appeal of the banker. It’s nice to be where I am where I can buy just about anything I want, spend two weeks in Europe each year, and put gas in my tank whenever I like. However, aside from money the banker offers little of value, which is reflected in the scoring of the game. Everyone knows that it’s appealing, and too many women would rather arrive without having to do work than struggle and grow together with a mate. The women who try to introduce me to their female friends and family recognize the utility and logic and strengths I offer as a Carpenter/Farmer, and they know that “very successful” is appropriately vague. Unfortunately the young women are not looking for a relationship. They seem to be looking for a reward.

We are all on our way to Oregon. We are trying to get to a place that offers possibility, prosperity and peace. No matter how you define that and what route you take, you will have to cross a wilderness and face trials and opposition. When you face them, you can either break down or break through. Women dispose of perfectly acceptable men all the time, because they care more about validation than about having their needs met along life’s path. Women want a man built by trials who is successful without having to put anything into it. IF we lived back in the day of wagon trains, they would have no ability to pursue that option. The only way to get to Oregon back then was to walk there yourself. There were no planes or trains or automobiles. Although we have those things today, the truly successful man is one who can get there without those advantages.

If you meet a man who is making the trek to Oregon, take a risk on him. Flying to Oregon and picking a winner is not the way to build a rich life. You might have riches, but they don’t necessarily enrich you. Even if you don’t make it to Oregon, you might find something along the way. Adventure. To live is a great adventure and an enriching one.

"Studies Prove" is Propaganda

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Ever since that thing in 2020 we're not allowed to mention by name on the internet, we have been bombarded with claims by "science" and scientists. Now that it's over you will still hear them, but they will be about different topics. Today's rant is inspired by a woman I saw on Youtube claiming that "studies prove that unmarried women are happier". I can't find a study that deals with that. I found an article from the UK that references a website called Mintel ( a market research firm) and a book from a guy named Paul Dolan that has been fact checked into oblivion, but I couldn't find a single scientific study. There aren't any. This is not scientific, at least not in the classic sense. You can't study this with physics or chemistry or biology. This is a matter of "social science" which is not "science" as most people understand it. To be scientific it must pass certain criteria, as I teach my students every semester.

Science must be measurable. I'm not talking about talking to people and collating responses in a market survey. I mean you must collect data with instruments in metric values that can provide mathematical value for trendlines and ANOVA. How many liters are there in a unit of happiness? How many grams of mass does happiness have? Happiness is not an item that science can measure. It's SUBJECTIVE. Anyone who claims otherwise is selling something. There are no machines or metric units that can measure happiness. Science cannot measure preference, belief, sophistry, or opinions. It doesn't measure religion. There is a good reason some things are not validated by the FDA. There is no way to do so.

Science is repeatable. Theoretically, if something is causal, it is always causal. This means that every woman would have to be happier if she never married. This means that marriage must lower the happiness value of every woman who married and do so every time she married by the same amount. Since you can't actually test on the same woman multiple times without having residual effects from previous experience, there will be artifacts that skew the future data. We also don't usually experiment on PEOPLE in science. It must be testable by everyone, repeatable by everyone, and applicable to everyone, or at least with a 95% confidence level.

Science must be falsifiable. This does not mean that we make up fake data. This means that you must leave room for the possibility that you might find results that counteract your presuppositions. In fact a well designed scientific experiment doesn't prove anything. You write a hypothesis and a null hypothesis. The hypothesis would be that "unmarried women are happier" the null hypothesis would be "marriage has no effect on happiness". Assuming you could test this, you would design an experiment to disprove the null hypothesis, collect data, and see if marital state affects happiness. With sufficient data you could then reject the notion that marriage has no effect, but that does not prove your hypothesis. It merely means you can reject the null hypothesis. You repeat until you test every other null hypothesis and then can claim, if and only if you reject every possible null hypothesis, that by default your hypothesis cannot be disproven.

I tell my students every semester the same thing. "Science never proves anything. It removes all other possibilities until only the truth remains". That is a direct quote from me to them. So any time anyone claims that science has proven something, I know they are paid liars. They can't possibly have tested everything on everyone and found that is is always true for every specimen. They can't possibly have tested every null hypothesis. In the end, I will accept when someone says, "evidence suggests" because that is more carefully couched in measurements and data, and it doesn't claim that there is no room that they might be wrong. You don't test your hypothesis. But most scientists are sponsored by someone and have an incentive to prove their sponsor's investment was wisely spent. As Arthur Conan Doyle warned in A Study in Scarlet "It is useless to theorize before you have facts otherwise you start bending facts to fit theories" which is exactly what most "scientists" do. Everyone wants to be relevant, but most "science" is anything but. Most of it is marketing.

This post has been brought to you entirely for free. I don't make money from ads. I don't sell merchandise. I have never earned even a single penny from this blog.

Adversary's Methods

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Last Sunday after worship service ended, I went around, as it was my month to conduct, and I thanked those who helped make our meeting possible and successful. The chorister, a kindly older woman of 82 years, praised my work and said, "Now we just need to find you a wife so you can be our next bishop". I know she means well, but people have been threatening me essentially with the prospect of making me the next bishop when our current one's term of office concludes, and the only thing keeping me from that threat coming true is that I remain single. I have noticed since quarantine that all of the people who seem to think I need a wife all seem to imply that I need one, not to be of benefit to me, but so that I can be of benefit to them. They don't see it as a way to enhance my life but as a way to rectify some flaw that keeps me from enhancing the lives of other people. I can enhance your life without a wife, thank you very much, despite what the cliches claim. Yes, there is a woman behind this successful man. She is my mother.

It's a threat because it places a burden on me. Becoming a bishop is a grotesque amount of work and responsibility. Sometimes I complain about the workload I have, but I know there are things that the bishop has to do that I can pass off on him because the handbook requires it. I have to burn two days of personal time off to attend boys camp this summer, but the bishop had to go along to girls' camp and spend personal vacation for that too. He has to meet with people and handle issues and keep them secret. Ultimately, he is responsible for everything that happens in the congregation. Sure, he can delegate, but if it doesn't happen, ultimately he's responsible. And he must do all this, keep working at his job, raise his kids, keep his household and tend his wife. There is a very good reason that Timothy explains the following requirements for being a bishop:

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

You need to be faithful, loyal, tending, hospitable, intelligent, restrained, temperate, and successful so that you are not tempted to abuse the church or its members and so that you can act in Christ's place with the best approximation of what He would do that you are capable. It might be a good work as Timothy suggests, but to do it with honor is hard work.

It's a threat because it places a surprise burden on my new wife. Assuming I met someone today, I could theoretically be married next summer. The current bishop's term comes up in 2026. This means that my new wife could end up being the bishop's wife after having been married to me for only two years. What if we have children? She could have a toddler. Not to mention, there are myriad new stresses that arise in the beginning of a marriage that could create strife and discord, and how many wives are honestly ok if their husband is required to keep secrets and spend long hours in a locked office that is not his paid job? This is what a bishop has to do. He must meet with people and keep confidences. He must do extra work after hours without additional pay, meaning he's not around to help out with the kids or the house or the chores. What are the odds that a brand new wife will deal with this additional burden of responsibility with patience, grace and trust? How is that fair to her?

It's a threat because it's not about me. It's about what I can do for other people, many of whom don't like or respect me. People don't want me to become a bishop because they love me. They love what I might do as bishop for them. I don't aspire to rank or status or title. I have turned down highly compensated jobs and titular heads. I am quite happy being a teacher. In "A Man For All Seasons" Thomas More tells Richard Rich to aspire to teach, and I took it to heart. I don't want the extra meetings, and I don't like the things I have learned about church leadership and church members. I like being able to focus on talking about Christ rather than talking about problems. I like being able to read scriptures for a lesson rather than reading the handbook to attend a meeting. None of these people want me to get a wife so that I will be better or so that my life will be better. They want me to get married so that I can become a bishop. In fact, there is no better leverage to dissuade me from marriage than the continued barrage of insistence that I marry so that I can become a bishop, because as long as I remain single, I remain ineligible, which is how I like it. In fact, I'm disinclined to even date, because I might like someone enough to put me into that position, and I don't want it.

I know people may mean well. I think they mean it as praise. However, I don't see it as praise for me or of benefit to me personally. I'm not really all that patient, and I don't like to entertain. Without a wife, I think I'd make a horrible bishop, and I might not make even an average one unless I married someone spectacular, but I don't want to burden some woman with that outcome because she happens to marry the wrong man and ends up the bishop's wife. In the end backhanded compliments or threats of any sort undermine an organization. Thomas More took the Chancellor's spot in England because Henry VIII threatened his life. Ultimatums are rarely, if ever, given out of love. In this case, especially since all my well-wishers don't wish a wife for me so that I will benefit somehow but so that I can "become the next bishop" I don't think their hopes are out of love either, at least not for me. To the great credit of my parents, they do not push, and I think they are put off by the protracted campaign to find me a wife, not to be of benefit to ME, but so that I can be of benefit to the church by being the next bishop. This treatise alone should serve to show that I am anything but qualified for that position. I'm not humble or patient enough, and I feel a little rebellious. All I have to do to stay away from the bishopric is to remain single. Easy. Beware those who try to threaten me. You cannot tempt to virtue like Satan does to vice. There is no virtue in using the Adversary's methods to achieve the Father's Plan.

Why Good Men Should Seek Suffering

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Nobody likes to suffer. Suffering is painful. However suffering is sometimes preferable to the alternative. And sometimes suffering is the only way for things to be better. Consider the person for example whose appendix has burst. His stomach must be cut open and his insides cleaned or else, in short order, his entire body will become septic and his life force completely ebb. A little painful surgery prevents death, and in a similar fashion oftentimes a little suffering in life prevent the death of the soul. Years ago a religion teacher once spoke that the worst trial one could endure was a life of no trials. Consider Job, whose life at the onset of his story seems to be one of nonstop merriment. His friends, so attuned to his success, conclude when God allows the devil to cause Job to suffer that Job must have deserved it. The real interesting thing about Job’s story is that God allowed Job to suffer so that He could make Job greater in the end than he was in the beginning. We ought not then pity any man who suffers, particularly a great man who endures trials. Obviously the universe considers some men worth building or it would not try to break them down.

Naturally, the presumption for a man who is suffering is that there is something wrong with him. When I recount stories from my life, people sometimes recoil, assuming that to draw near to me might mean that the lightning bolts of trial might strike them too by association. However, suffering might not mean there is anything wrong at all. Pests are not attracted to things that are already spoiled. Consider “Mr Smith Goes to Washington” which depicts an honest, forthright, and humble man thrust into the public sphere of Congress who does absolutely nothing to earn the spite and ire of his compatriots but who attracts their constant campaign of character assassination, not because he is evil, but precisely because he is so virtuous. Yes, trials often follow the wicked. It is often by the wicked that the wicked are punished, but the virtuous also make themselves a target by living righteousy. Sir Thomas More wrote to his daughter Margaret that sometimes we must stand fast in our virtue at the risk of being heroes. Shortly thereafter King Henry VIII cut off More’s head because More refused to accede to his edict and permit a divorce so that Henry could marry Anne.

In order to build something up, sometimes you must break it down. Likewise, the human body takes in materials and breaks them down in order to build itself up. We don’t need celery or cereal or crab legs, but our bodies break down our food into constituents and then reassembles the contents to build things it needs. If you want to strengthen your muscles, you must tear them lifting weights in order to convince your body to build your body for future lifting requirements. Seeds either must be submerged beneath soil or pass through a digestive track and be buried in manure in order to grow. In 2014 at Sequoia Kings Canyon National Park, a ranger told me that they realized that putting out fires was reducing the sequoia groves.  In order for the new trees to seed and have fertile soil wildfires must rage and pave the way for a new generation of saplings.  None of these are particularly pleasant pictures, but the prospect of growth only occurs under those conditions. Something must be broken before something better can be built.

Why do good men suffer? Why does God allow it? It’s actually a very simple but profound situation. There are many wonderful and decent people in the world. All of them are relevant. Without the average individual, there is not enough for the renowned to flourish, but many people, however relevant, are redundant. The failures are remembered because they tried, the victors are remembered because of their achievements, but the vast majority of people are forgotten amongst the throngs of average. When someone capable of rising above the background noise is born, the world, the universe or the Master elect to offer them a chance to rise up and rise above. Many of these people come from inauspicious circumstances. Joan of Arc was a teenage farm girl. Bailien of Ibelin was a blacksmith in English France. Simon Peter was a fisherman. Abraham Lincoln was so poor he had to borrow books to read at home because his parents could afford none. Yet, we know these names because these people did something with their lives. We also know Henry Tudor (Henry VIII) and Adolf Hitler and Ghenghis Khan and Marcus Brutus and Hernando Cortez because they also did something, something terrible.

The process seems simple. Difficult circumstances arise that invite a man to choose. Often the choices are simple. Sometimes they cut right to the character of the person. In that moment of choice, the man commits to a life path that irrevocably leads to a rendezvous with destiny. They were available and capable, and so the universe affords them a time for choosing. The process tests the commitment of their mettle, the steel of their convictions, the disposition of their specie, the application of their chiasmata. With each choice, the man commits deeper and deeper to his actual eternal disposition and a character is born. When the character’s casting call comes he struts and frets his hour on stage, and sometimes performs spectacularly in a way that dazzles the audience of mankind and reverberates through history. If the man is inclined to diligently apply himself, ultimately all of history knows his name and holds it for better or worse for the rest of human history.

Some are ultimately broken by the process. We should not pity them. Most men are not chosen. Most men are forgotten. Those chosen to be built who break against the weight of their trials are still often men we remember. King Saul was chosen. He broke against the commandments of God when, rather than slaughter everything, he retained some of the kine for sacrifice instead of obeying. King David was chosen. He broke against the commandments of God when he lusted after Uriah’s wife, had Uriah slain and lay with her against the prophet’s will. King Solomon was chosen. He broke against the commandments of God when he boasted of his riches to the queen of Egypt, thus precipitating a war in which Egypt lusted after Israel’s riches. Yet, we remember these men. We remember them being broken, but we also remember them being built, being chosen, being brave, being good, being loved of God, and because they were chosen by the universe we all know their names. We do not remember the rest of the kings of Israel or Judah for the most part. They occupied space in the line between men who mattered.

Those who survive the process are refined in the furnaces of affliction. It takes time to make a man great: time and patience and practice. IN a world that does not reward virtue, it also requires unwavering commitment and more than a lion’s share of moral fiber. The great man must prove every minute of every hour of every day that he is true and loves the truth and cannot be shaken or bought or swayed from his true purpose. It’s not about money. He cannot be bought or bribed. And, because it must be honest and from within, God must take away His hand and allow the creature to do from the will alone an endeavor which quickly loses all relish. When Elijah fled Ahab into the wilderness, he was fed by the ravens, but eventually the ravens failed and God sent him to Zarapath. There, he invited a widow woman to feed him and, to his great dismay, watched the son die anyway despite his promise. Although he raised the boy from the dead, by the time he reached the mountain where he challenged the priests of Baal he still wasn’t sure he was doing God’s will. Having seen the fire come down and consume his sacrifice and the soldiers subsequently slaughter Ahab’s priests at Elijah’s command Elijah still didn’t think he had achieved a rassafrassin thing. He still felt abandoned. So God sent an earthquake, a whirlwind, and then finally a still small voice, but it wasn’t until Elisha came that Elijah’s soul seems finally satisfied.

It is hard to stay the course when you are not sure you’re on course. People will conclude that, because things are awful, that you must be doing something wrong. Job’s friends ridiculed him and invited him to repent because clearly all that suffering was a punishment. Even Peter in Acts heals a man whom everyone assumed was infirm because of some sin because sometimes the infirmity is so that Peter can show he is Christ’s apostle. God does not put halos on His servants and the universe does not bedeck its favourites with plumage. All too often it is EVIL that rewards its disciples with gold, silver, silks and titles. Yesteryear, wicked men twirled their mustaches and wore dark overcoats.  Now they clothe their naked villainy in odd old ends stolen forth from holy writ and seem saints when most they play the devil.  Evil has become fashionable.  The Chosen must continue forward anyway without that reassurance, because it makes their faith more noble to press on without any assurance that they are in the right. Because when it comes from within, that’s the only time it’s truly real. You can bribe a man or threaten him, but only if he decides to do it no matter what is the cause of Evil actually threatened. Wrote CS Lewis:

“Our cause is never more in danger my dear Wormwood than when a human no longer desiring but still intending to do the Enemy’s will looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, asks why he has been forsaken and still obeys.” [Screwtape Letters Letter #9]

And that, my friends, is why Henry VIII had no choice but to execute More, because he stood by his convictions and refused to bow his head to the will of a fallen man.  

The devil will also rage against the man and bring suffering. Sometimes the man beset with trials is doing everything imaginable correctly and the devil cannot abide it. He will throw whatever he can at the man to dissuade, distract and discourage. He has no body, so he tries to wear down and break ours. He has no conviction or faith, so he tries to sow doubts in ours. He has no virtue, and so he will try to convince men that we are suffering because we earned it. He teaches of Karma so that men may presume that we are reaping what we sow even if it is not so. Notice that karma is nearly always thought of as a negative with those we do not like. Sometimes people discard and disregard us because they are more interested in fantasy than in reality. Sometimes men suffer because they are doing what is right and because the pests find the fresh fruit the most appealing.

So if you see a man suffering, particularly a man you perceived as good, maybe the universe is refining him rather than scolding him. Perhaps the universe has chosen him rather than forgotten him. Perhaps he should be reminded that some of God’s favorites go through longer and deeper troughs because it is in trial periods much more than in prosperous periods that men grow into what God would like them to become. Wrote the poet “Good timber does not grow in ease; the harsher the gale the stronger the trees.” Up on Charleston Peak outside Las Vegas there stands a Bristlecone pine that is around 4000 years old. Fires, the great Flood, drought, logging, insect infestations, etc., have failed to hurt this tree, and it even withstands men carving their initials into it. It has grown in a way to withstand the winds. The trials it endured killed other trees. For Raintree (as it’s known by the natives) those trials made it strong. So next time God sends you blessings disguised as trials, try not to despair. Like Job, God might be paving the way for your to be better and have more than in the beginning. Clearly God thinks that you might grow into something spectacular.

No More ‘Ites’

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People divide themselves into groups and have for all time. Tribes are usually based around common beliefs, values and norms, and tribal conflict is a blueprint for most strife throughout history. However, in church we are admonished to come together in one people as part of God’s tribe and admonished to put away all other loyalties and associations. Seems nice in theory, but in practice it plays out rather differently. Last week at church I discovered that I am the only Androidite. All the rest of the congregational leadership belong to the iPhoneite tribe. I also realized that they are all former jocks/athletes at least from high school who still occupy most of the positions of import and visibility now in adulthood. Somehow I was invited to join their number even though I don’t belong. It balkanizes us in a strange but transformative way. Should it be that way or should there be no more “-ites”?

Both at church and in class, everyone seems to have an iPhone. My lecture class all prevailed upon me one evening to get an iPhone until they realized that I don’t need one or want one. All of the features they touted are things I know, by virtue of being GenX, how to do without a phone. My fellows at church all prevailed upon me to get an iPhone because they “refuse to respond to my messages unless it comes in the correct colour”.

Over the years, I’ve encountered several instances where people refused to interact with people who didn’t own an iPhone. The first time I remember was in 2014 when some woman on the radio insisted that she wouldn’t date a guy unless he had at least an iPhone3. Back then I had a Motorola RAZR V3 which I only replaced in 2019 because I broke it. I am fairsure there are other people who refuse to date me because my phone is an android. My Sunday school class in 2016 found it strange that I didn’t have one, and I know that they felt that way because they knew I could afford one but understood that I chose not to. Now, it’s church leadership at the congregational level that insists that, because I don’t have an iPhone, they refuse to work with me or at least send me messages.

It's not just phones. I was never popular because I wasn’t really inclined to athletics. Back before I turned 12 I was turned off to sports when, in the final inning of the championship, the coach swapped me for his son and his son struck out in my place. I played soccer after that, and despite attending all the practices and games, I was rarely put in and when I was, because I was the substitute goalie, I was blamed when we lost. When you’re always to blame but never celebrated, it becomes hard to enjoy sports. Consequently, by the time I reached high school I didn’t care for sports and subconsciously I didn’t respect athletes either. They had never treated me with respect, so I put myself to academics and became a Nerd/Dork. This just made me even more of a pariah. Nerds are not usually in charge, and they are never popular. So, I don’t understand how I got into congregational leadership.

Looking around the room at church, they are all jocks. Some of them have physiques so far from athlete that it’s hard to tell, but I have heard their stories. They are still living in the glory days and still probably see themselves as the popular desirable jocks they once were. They also still see me as the Nerd/Dork they apparently still regard me to be. They will praise my piety, but it’s largely backhanded compliments, because they are really at church sometimes I think to socialize or preen and not to worship or serve. They don’t initiate conversation with me, and even if I had an iPhone because I’m still not popular I doubt they would include or invite me. It was ever thus. Back in high school despite being in a congregation with 19 young men my age, I was invited when there was work to do (service projects and church activities) but not for fun. They even had a secret club called “BC”. I still don’t know what it stands for, and I don’t care. I guess the jocks keep me around because I am productive, and they probably tolerate me because I accomplish things and they can simply ignore my attempts to do the right things the right ways.

It's sad that in Christ’s kingdom we are not as one. I’m always going to be seen apparently as a Nerd. I’m not going to be respected unless I buy a particular brand of phone. What are we, six years old? I really thought, apparently naively, that when we grew up that brands and being cool would cease to matter. Maybe I grew up and they just grew old. The tribalism from sports and iphones is expressly contrary to the community of Christ and the brotherhood to which we ostensibly belong.

Perhaps that’s why some members of my congregation like and respect me. I don’t pay them special regard because of things they own or wear or do. I take care of them because the iPhone-ites ignore them. The iPhone-ites take care of each other, so I don’t worry about them, but other people are left out because they cannot afford iPhones or because they are not interested in or good at sports, and I minister to them regardless of their poverty or preferred recreational activity. I really don’t care what you do. I teach correct principles and let people govern themselves, and I think the youth I teach know that. They know they can ultimately ignore me, and since most of their parents are jocks who own iPhones I won’t be too bothered if they decide to ignore everything I ever teach them. I wonder sometimes which phone Christ would use and, if He owned an iPhone, if I would get one too or, perhaps more importantly, if He would even care which phone I used.

At the end of the day I have always been an outcast. I have never been an “ite”. I have never belonged. But Christ cared about those people, and I am trying to care for and about them too. Not everyone is included easily, and sometimes it’s hard to include some people. However, I know that even if Christ owned an iPhone He wouldn’t ignore me because I didn’t have one or belittle me because I wasn’t a jock. If those things were important, He would patiently prevail upon me to become such and also help me become such that I was inclined to and able to afford the price required to be an iPhone-ite and a jock. Christ empowered people.

This week ironically I returned two lost iPhones that I found. The people to whom they belonged did not judge me because I didn’t own an iPhone. In fact, I think they were shocked that I returned their phones. One was an iPhone XR; the other was an iPhone 12 Max. The latter costs like $800, and when I told him I didn’t want anything in return, I think he was shocked. He saw my Galaxy S5 and tried several times to offer me some compensation. I don’t know if he assumed I was poor because my phone is nine years old or if he was genuinely grateful. I refused all offers. I didn’t do it for the money. I don’t even want a smartphone, let alone an iPhone, so his phone is of no interest to me regardless of its potential market value or utility.

Your true identity is not in the things with which you festoon yourself but in how you treat others. God watched me spend Friday night returning two lost iPhones to their owners with no gain on my part. Fortunately, they drove to me, so I didn’t have to spend any money either. Christ admonished us to treat everyone with love. Ignoring my messages and leaving me out of activities is not treating me with love. Sometimes I’m not terribly loving in return. I turned to the bishop last Sunday and suggested he replace me with someone who owns an iPhone and plays sports. He won’t. He knows that despite the fact that I don’t get involved I will still go out and do the work of salvation. It might not be 100%, but I will give 100% on the part of the work about which people tell me. And God will be ok with that too, despite the fact that I don’t have an iPhone and hated sports. He knows I care about His people, whatever “ite” follows their name.

Unto Such Shall Ye Continue to Minister

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In my role as a member of the ward bishopric, I take the occassion to visit as many families as I can. I have NOT visited EVERYONE, but last week I managed to finally make it into a home of some members who were reticent to let ANYONE from the ward into their house. While there, they spilled the beans about their feelings and misgivings and experiences, and it opened my eyes. In particular, one issue was mentioned that prompted this post. The wife reported that, when reporting on her ministering visits, the Relief Society President asked if a particular woman should be added to the list of "never coming back to church". She was disturbed. I was enraged. I mentioned it to the Bishop last Sunday, but he dismissed my concerns and experiences. After all, this family won't let HIM in their house. I found it contrary to experience, to doctrine and to the happiness of both the minister and the person to be visited.

First off, this attitude runs contrary to experience. We have members of our congregation who were absent for protracted periods of time who are now stalwart, faithful and RESPECT ME, and I didn't even have anything to do with their return. An elderly couple returned to the temple this last year after 40 years of not having recommends. An older gentleman was inactive after joining the Navy until his daughter was born, and he has been active and valiant for the 26 years since then. A husband walked away for a time, and his wife thought they were going to be apart forever, but he decided to read the scriptures and, after reading everything in a year, returned unexpectedly to church one week. Even his wife didn't know. We have no idea who will return to the fold. We have no idea what the Lord is doing to reach out and influence people. If we assume they are never coming back, we will not be available to help them return, and even if they do we rob ourselves of the blessings that come from helping people change their lives for the better.

Secondly, this attitude runs contrary to doctrine. In the Book of Mormon, we read Christ teaching his disciples in the Americas: 

 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them. -3NE 18:32

We have been commanded to continue not only to continue to minister but to allow and encourage them to come and worship with us. Christ himself taught us to continue to reach out, as He does, to everyone. We have no idea who will return and repent. We cannot see the heart of a person, and we cannot predict whom Christ will elect to heal. Many Christians assume they know the final disposition of a soul, but with rare exception anyone can be helped and rescued and redeemed. One of the youth reported seeing a sticker that read "Christ loves those you hate". He died and rose again for them too.

Finally, creating a list of people who will "never return" is contrary to happiness and denies the Christ. We are not the final arbiter, and the disposition of a man in this world is not the final state of a man. No man can see the future. Many that die deserve life; many who live deserve death. Many who are happy deserve suffering; many who suffer deserve ease. Sometimes the path to heaven is not that straight and narrow, not because the criteria vary but because the route we walk and the experiences we endure lead us to wander far from where we intended. As a boy, my dad liked to draw mazes to entertain us at church, and I quickly learned that My Father liked to draw a circuitous route from start to finish. Likewise, our Father God does the same in order to make sure we get the experiences and opportunities and have a chance to influence the lives He sends us to touch and participate as much as we can in His work so we can share the blessings. Even Jesus wandered in the wilderness alone for a time; even Jesus felt like His father abandoned him in Gethsemane. At baptism we promise to be with those in need of help, to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need of comfort. At no point are we told to eschew, reject or bar the "wicked" from our midst, because we are all wicked too. CS Lewis wrote that, as far as temptations go, "Murder is no better than cards if cards will do the trick" leading a man away from God.

Anyone can return to Christ. I had a friend in High School who, up until my Freshman year, was a drug dealer. Initially members of my ward worried about me hanging out with "Richard" because they saw only his past. Christ saw his future. THere was no reason to expect Richard to ever come back to church, but he did, and he served a mission, and I hope he is well, because we lost contact when I moved away. He would discuss the scriptures with me at school, acknowledge I exist, and give me a ride when my father was not available, and I bet members put him on the "never coming back to church" list in their hearts. I don't see men change often, but I saw Richard change, and I know what goes through MY heart, and so if God can find me acceptable and inspire me, then surely He can and will work through whomever He deems worthy, and I am not there to judge. I left my visit last Thursday promising them that I was not there to judge them. I was there to love them, and SO ARE WE ALL. We have only two commandments to live: love God, and love your neighbor. I shall continue to minister, because although nobody from church visits me, Christ ministers to me and is patient with me and forgives me. How can I do anything but?

One of My Proudest Moments

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There’s a lot of temptation in the world today to do things to advance yourself. There’s a lot of temptation in academia to do whatever it takes to succeed. I told my class last night about cheating, about how students have cheated and about how they have cheated each other, as I warned them about allowing cheaters to get away with it. And then I told them a story about one of my proudest moments about cheating. You see today, it seems that morality and virtue and ethics and propriety are to be discarded at any time if you can justify it to advance yourself. One day, years ago, a student tried the trope on me.

Back in 2015, I was teaching all the same lecture and lab classes. I had all the same students which was good for continuity and familiarity. Unfortunately, familiarity brings its own risks. One night during lab, after I’d given a particularly tough exam earlier that week, one of my female students approached me. She told me that she would do “anything” to get an A in my class. I said, “Anything eh?” as I rubbed my beard. “Anything” she responded, seductively. “Then why don’t you do the homework I assign?” You see, by this point, she had failed to submit any work for three homework assignments, totalling 75 points of the total score, bringing her down nearly an entire letter grade. She said anything, but not that.

We all know what she wanted. Even her lab partner, a female herself, laughed as this student stared at me in stunned silence. She had no idea what had just happened because the conversation didn’t go as she foresaw it in her head. The partner told me later that this student had been sleeping her way through college and that I was probably the first instructor on whom she’d tried this where it didn’t work. I knew this young lady didn’t want me, and truth is I didn’t really want her either, so what she was clandestinely and suggestively offering didn’t interest me one bit.

The other girl let me mention her name when I self reported the event. Of course the student claimed that I made HER the offer to give her an A if she performed some acts. The investigation ended quietly and I was cleared, but I think back on that girl who was shocked when a man she viewed as beneath her rejected her ovations. It is not the first time, and it will sadly probably not be the last.

I have plenty of weaknesses and weak moments. Ask my summer class this term and they’ll tell you I make at least one mistake in class each time we meet. Sometimes I’m very lonely, and given my state of mind at the time, I would have been about as vulnerable to this then as I ever have been. For some reason, I made the right call, and I made it in a way that made everyone except her laugh. I get some smug satisfaction out of knowing that a below average guy turned down an above average girl. In truth though I knew she wasn’t really interested in me, and if you’re not interested in me it won’t be enjoyable for either of us.

People sell themselves short sometimes. You are worth more than you think you are. It’s not your education or your wealth or your looks or your “confidence”. It’s your identity as a child of God, and I wasn’t about to go back before the judgement bar of the great Jehovah and have to recall that I took advantage of a young lady once in return for lying about her score. Sounds like two sins to me. It’s hard sometimes to resist, but when you realize that people are not tempting you because they care about YOU it gets easier, and I’m old enough to know when someone is really interested or just pulling my chain. Of course, I hope one day a young lady who is pretty WILL take interest in me. Until then, I can proudly preen about how, once I find her, I respected her and myself and that student by not falling prey to sophistry.

Pavlov's Doug

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The Dean came by my office yesterday just because he was making the rounds, but when I answered the door, I asked him what he wanted. I have become so accustomed to people only talking to me when they need something, that I treated him like all the others- just another person talking to me when he needed something. Our conversation evolved into something pleasant, and I enjoyed his visit, especially since he didn't come with an ulterior motive, even if the visit was brief. It's nice sometimes to have someone share some time with you without having an ulterior motive. Unfortunately, my experience is all too often quite the opposite.

How it started
Back in High School, I was shocked when cheerleaders acknowledged my existence and talked to me. It didn't take long to register that they were coming to me for help with their school work. I attended two different high schools in two different states, so I got used to being the new kid. Being a nerdy/dorky guy didn't help much either. No matter how I tried, I ended up with the outcasts until the outcasts decided to cast me out too. Eventually, I retreated into my shell and just did what I wanted. My junior year of high school, there were 27 young men about my age in high school from the same congregation. They always invited me to service projects and church things, but they never invited me when they were having fun. I showed up one day at one of their houses to find 25 of them having a fun activity without me (and the other kid Nathan who was ostracized). I just grew used to people not having any interest unless they needed something.

How I noticed
One Sunday at University the phone rang. I grew accustomed to the notion that if the phone rang on Sunday morning it was because they needed something at church. I usually went for walks down town and fed the homeless just to not be available to backstop their last minute emergencies. People did NOT call to invite me to fun things or just to talk. When I asked "What can I do for you?" my father said, "I'm your dad. I'm just calling to see how you are." I became so engrained to expect a particular ulterior motive that I responded automatically no matter who spoke.

How it's going
For the past year or so, people I know have insisted that I "just need to put myself out there more" or "trust in people and let them in". Over the past three months, I've started a dialogue now with at least five young ladies who ostensibly were interested in me romantically. I was standoffish at first, but then I decided to give them a chance and got my hopes up only to discover that they were also only talking to me for ulterior motives. One of them was a "working girl" who was willing to hang out with me only if I sent her money up front. One of them wanted to get me involved in a pyramid scheme. One of them was just talking to me for attention because she was lonely and bored.

I feel like I'm just one of Pavlov's Dougs. I have become conditioned so much to expect people to only contact me when they need something that I don't know that I enjoy the company of other people. Most people only extend themselves when they need something from me. When I am finally released from the bishopric of my congregation, I won't be floating around checking on people because they don't bother to check in on and with me. I invite others. They don't invite me. I visit others. They don't visit me. I do things for others. They don't even offer to do things for me. I don't live my life entirely on a quid pro quo basis, but it would be nice to be visited, included and appreciated. Most people only talk to me only when there is work to be done and not when there is something to enjoy. I'm conditioned, and I hate it. How about you?

Benefits of Vigilance

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Back in 2015, I noticed water running down the sides of my driveway. When the bill came, I registered that almost 1000 gallons extra useage beyond what I usually use. It took a few weeks to determine that the leak was BENEATH the driveway, and I was worried about earth being worn away from beneath the driveway. The guy who installed the sprinkler system in my front yard ran tubing under the driveway that CONTAINED A KINKED SECTION which eventually failed. Ever since then, I have paid attention, nearly daily, to the water meter.

Tuesday morning when I left for work, I noticed that according to the water meter I had used 70 more gallons than I expected. When it happened again Wednesday morning, I went out to check the yard and found that a feed line had been detached from the valve, spilling water into the middle of the yard. So, some plants suffered for two days, and I wasted some water, but I got it repaired and didn't have to spend any money on a repair or a professional. If I were not aware, who knows how long it would have been before I noticed the water waste?

Periodically, unexpected useage piques my interest and gets me looking for a problem. Since the initial leak, I have caught neighbors using my water to fill their swimming pool, squatters (in that same house later) using my hose bib to fill their carbuoys, found a leak in a valve in the front yard, and tracked another useage to a cracked section of pipe at a corner. That last one was a huge pain to fix. However, since I pay attention nearly daily, I caught the problem early on, within a few days, and minimized the water waste.

We take a lot of things for granted in our modern life. Many daily conveniences create massive problems because we just assume things are running fine. Back when you had to haul your own water, nobody ever ended up with a flood inside their house unless there was an actual flood. When you had no electricity you went to bed when it was dark or hung out by a fire/candle. When you didn't have netflix, you had to entertain yourself or get together with friends. Now, a lot of things go without oversight and, unwatched, often end up out of wack.

The world has changed a lot in the las 23 years. Politicians, unwatched, have run rampant. People, obsessed with watching their phones, have often run into me while walking. A lot of things are not getting the attention they ought, and some things, like tiktok and other social media, get far more attention than they deserve. Are you watching what they teach your children? Are you watching your bank account? Do you check your utility bills to see if they make sense? Do you pay attention to people in your neighborhood? I recently spent 10 days in France, and none of my neighbors even noticed. Everyone seems obsessed with what I'm eating online, but nobody seems interested in actually getting together.

They say that eternal vigilance is the price of freedom. Our conveniences and opportunities came, often, due to no sacrifice or work on our part. For the most part, people simply pay money and the conveniences of modernity are provided BY OTHERS. When crisis arises, we are then beholden to those professionals to repair our state at whatever price they demand. When crisis arises, we often don't notice before things are far beyond our poor power to affect change. People don't really seem to notice what goes on around them, and then they piss and moan when something goes wrong, badly wrong, and a large price is required to repair the damage done.

Like I said, because I watch my water meter, I caught the problem within two days and paid nothing to actually rectify it. If I waited for a professional, in all likelihood he would charge me a service fee to "take a look" (which I could also do) and then probably has a minimum fee even though no expense was required. If we pay more attention to what happens around us, we can save ourselves from irreparable disaster sometimes as well as from being beholden to the often unethical business practices of those who would hold us at ransom. Years ago, I had a flat tire that was irreparable (so they say) and they refused to let me leave. I put on the spare tire, drove home, put on a FULL SIZE SPARE that I had in the garage, and waited until tires were on sale to buy a replacement. Vigilance provided me with freedom. I didn't have to bow to their demands, pay their price or act on their timing. I was ready and free to act upon my own. You can be too. Not everything is simple and not everything is cheap, but if you are paying attention you can often end up paying a lot less down the road when things go wrong. Catching a problem early may cost you for the repair, but you wont stack up months worth of excess water useage because you didn't notice the back yard was flooded every morning. Be vigilant. In this there is savings and peace.

Long Time Passed No Posts

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I learned yesterday from a follower that people miss this media. I abandoned it because during quarantine I was making videos, and they are easier to make. However, I do get a lot of shade for how I look, which I don't get here. I've just been frustrated, distracted, and discouraged, and so I have opted to do other things with my time, because I thought that nobody read this or cared anymore for blogs, especially mine.

So, now that I know you care, so here's the skinny. I've been in a bishopric now for about two years, and it has been the most frustrating thing in my life. I took this calling knowing that it would require sacrifice, but I had no idea as to the width and bredth of sacrifice it would actually exact of me. Whether we're talking about my job, my health, or my other private concerns, this calling has cost me in many avenues of my life, and may culminate in me losing my membership or at least some privileges thereof.

First off, it hurt me professionally/vocationally. I had to take a significant pay cut to be in the bishopric, and that staffing option has been filled by someone else who was willing and AVAILABLE. As soon as I was no longer willing to do whatever it took, the administration started looking for OTHER PEOPLE to put into my slots. For the first time in a decade, they took a class from me last term and gave it to a new hire who is a member of the HDTV+ community. Students were upset. Administration was aloof. Meanwhile, the other bishopric counselor has been promoted twice, and he's unlikely to be at weekly activities, summer camp, or stick around very long after church. His career is far more important than the Lord.

Secondly, it has hurt me socially. As a member of a bishopric, I'm supposed to work with the youth, but there are also a crapton of widows and widowers, and I have adopted them and cared for them. So, my friend circle is predominantly filled with septa- and octagenarians, who are old enough to be my parents. On the other end of the spectrum, I work with teenagers, who are young enough to be my children. Some of their parents don't like me because the kids listen to me and not to them. So, I ended up in a social no mans land where the people my age are married already and/or hate me.

Finally, it has hurt me psychologically. I find that church leaders are reticent to help with or dismissive of my concerns. Yesterday in church a Stake Leader used abusive language toward three youth and although the Stake President and Bishop were there, I was the only person who pushed back or pointed it out. I was so ticked off that I was about to punch the dude for mocking teenagers, so instead I tripped over my chair and left. My pulse was 117bpm. I was angry. Church leaders expect me to "plow and sow and reap to glut the avarice of those who would riot in my blood and hunt me from the face of the [ward]". They expect me to get these kids to seminary and prepare them for missions and then allow other adults to mock them publicly in front of their peers. I told the Stake President that I expect him to back me up if the youth matter, otherwise I'll surrender my temple recommend and resign from the bishopric.

At the end of the day, none of these kids are mine. Nobody will make much mention of lessons I taught or times I stood up for them if other priesthood leaders drive them away from the church. If stake leaders aren't going to stick up for the kids and push back against the Adversary's methods, what good will my feeble efforts achieve? I am only one man, and half the time I'm sure I'm overreacting and being over the top because I lack a female influence to calm me down and temper my reactions. I don't know if God talks to me, if I hear Him at all, or if I misinterpreted His messages. Plus, what do I know about raising children? Nobody seems to want to have any with me, so what do I know about raising them? I just about attacked a priesthood leader who was bullying the youth. Imagine what that might have cost me if I physically assaulted him in a church building!

I don't know why, but I care about these kids. I know that five to ten years from now, if past is prologue, most of them won't remember me, talk to me, or talk about me even though in the digital age keeping in touch is easy, even for someone sans social media such as myself. Two years ago, I attended wedding receptions for two young men I taugh back in 2018, but I haven't heard a peep from them since. I know God sees what I'm doing, and He hasn't struck me with lightning yet or closed my mouth so that I cannot speak, so I keep being me because that's what I was told to do was be me. Yet, I feel so often like I am the 506th Parachute Infantry, surrounded in Bastogne, and the Allied leadership is dickering about helping me while I give ground and lose confidence. I know that paratroopers are supposed to be surrounded, but we also rely on other parts of God's Battalion to come to our relief. Nuts!

Maybe I'm just complaining. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this job. Maybe I'm not supposed to win. I mean, sometimes God sends people to proclaim repentence knowing they won't actually repent, but I hoped that I might be able to make a difference. Now I have to go spend six hours this week doing damage control with vulnerable youth because some high school football star continues to bully those who are weaker than he and gets away with it because priesthood leaders "believe in God's mercy". I refuse to let the kids be bullied, and I refuse to put my arm to the square to sustain men who think there is virtue in using the adversary's method to achieve the Father's plan. I managed to walk away, but I cannot do that forever, and I don't know how else to respond. I don't have time to raise other men's kids, and why would God trust me to do that when He gave me none of my own?