Not Part of the Solution

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For the past several months, since about the time my parents' beagle Yoda died, I've been watching a lot of MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) videos. Of late, God warned me of the philosophies of men mingled with scripture that make this appealing but damaging to good men. It appeals to me, because I empathize with the stories and appreciate the perspective. I also fear that there is a danger in the attitudes men take as a consequence of going MGTOW towards women and towards the future outcomes of their own lives. I worry about the reactions, and I worry that I almost got swept up in the essentially religious fervor with which these advocates preach if not for God's timely warning. It's actually a form in some way of hate speech, albeit clandestinely. Men like George Adams and Richard Cooper may not know this, but what they preach is actually a form of hate speech because it foments enmity between men and women. As I thought about my own decisions, my own way if you will, I came across this mean-spirited video which prompted me to write the following response:

My first reaction, which is still a true thing I feel, is that your video makes me feel a lot less cynical and bitter than I thought I was. I mean, you really could just distill all your coaching down to "ignore women unless you want to hit them and quit them". There is really no need for anyone to watch any of your other videos, pay you for advice, or listen to anything else you say. After watching five or six, that's the takeaway message I get from your "coaching". If this video truly represents how you feel, then there is no need for any further coaching. That being said, I found the following observations interesting and valuable.

1. even though the woman made zero contribution to acquiring or maintaining an asset, or some women make a token contribution, they become entitled to an equal or larger share because their name gets on the paperwork due to "community property". FYI, even if their name doesn't end up on the official paperwork, the courts will consider it joint assets anyway if you get divorced. My wife didn't appear on the house loan documents because her credit was so trashed that if she was on the loan we couldn't get one, but she was entitled to more than half because she didn't have the education/earning potential I did.

2. before you commit, the women take an equal interest and sometimes make a fair contribution to entertainment, but after you wed, the onus is entirely on you to keep them entertained, and if you don't they sometimes use that as rationale to justify infidelity because "he just doesn't get me" or "i'm not in love with him anymore" or "there's no spark". You have to do all the work. That's exceptionally astute and incredibly frustrating, because it's true with just about every woman I have ever met. Even my very conservative Scottish paternal grandmother told me once shortly before she died that the young women she knew were "dingbats looking for deadbeats who only wanted to be continuously entertained". That was an interesting visit.

3. the courts do seem to leverage against men to take whatever they have in an effort to countermand her insult with your security. Yes, many women like to use that against you to their own advancement. Isn't that a human thing to do? Don't most people take advantage of opportunities? Let's not pretend that most of the men considering your advice are the moral authority.

Who hurt you so badly? I guess either my experiences weren't that bad or that I've healed more than I thought.

You present yourself as a coach, someone in a better place who can lift me up, but I don't think you really are either in a better place or capable of elevating the men to whom your videos are ostensibly addressed. I get the impression that you view women as chattel with which to slake your lusts and that you use the MGTOW empowerment movement in order to "clothe your naked villainy in odd old ends stolen forth from holy writ and seem a saint when most you play the devil". There is a real danger inherent in this kind of attitude towards women that you espouse. This is some serious He-Man Woman Haters Club stuff you're preaching. It does not behoove us to give men the impression that all women are and always will be unworthy, that the only thing for which they are useful is the satiation of biological urges. How would you like another man to think of your mother, your sister, your daughter that way? Do you seriously want us to think that if I pumped and dumped your daughter you'd give me a high five and send me on my way? I see a very real danger that this kind of MGTOW advice runs the risk of converting men into Edmund Dantes of Monte Cristo fame, where our every effort drives at revenge (or pleasure in this case) to the detriment of our own opportunities. That countermands the civil society for which you claim to yearn. Many of the women you decry rationalize their own miscreant mistreatment of men based on the notion that "all men are the same/only want one thing" and then you seem to advocate becoming the very men they despise. They look down on us because enough men give them reason to, and they consider all men guilty by association. Yet, that's the very thing you're encouraging reciprocally to women. As Dantes was told, "do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence". Do not earn their vitriol or encourage other men to do so. You can go your own way without despising, denigrating, and abusing women because of a perceived slight or a putative one. You don't have to treat them like a means to your own pleasure. You can simply ignore them and go your own way without them. That's what I've been doing since 2013, and I work in academia, where a constant hit parade of young, vivacious women crosses my path each term, where the next group is as equally attractive but also equally clueless as the last, and even though I know they won't make an even passing partner for me, I don't have to treat them like they are scum on the bottom of my shoe. You can be a gentleman, chivalrous, and neighborly to women. In fact, it's fun sometimes to be kind to or compliment them without an ulterior motive because they expect to be able to slap me down when I hit on them, but I don't. Just because most women have done wrong by you does not mean that all women will. Continuing to think that will both invite and justify the ire of women towards men. Even sour grapes make better wine than no grapes at all. Maybe it's time to think of something we could do to earn their respect and veneration even if they withhold it.

This Greg Adams guy is very angry and very self-centered. Too many people in the MGTOW movement seem to have flipped 180 degrees from caring about others to only caring about themselves, which is precisely what the devil would desire. Satan wants each man preoccupied with himself; Christ wants each man to think about his neighbor. To achieve this, satan redefined family, discouraged marriage, and now he's trying to stop men from caring about women one whit. Now, I have my own problems, but this is serious, and it's dangerous, because it puts men and women at odds, such that MGTOW men are encouraged to actively engage in hostile behavior towards women. How will we get good marriages, families, and societies, if men subscribe to the notions Adams espouses? This is a form of priestcraft, and he's having success and making money so much that he really believes now that it can and will lead to a better world. It won't. I thought of Nehor and Korihor who taught the people what was pleasing to the carnal mind. I mean, there is truth in what Adams says. There is also sophistry. This is a popular movement, and it's extremely profitable. The men earn significant amounts of money. As they have success/validation, it makes their ideas seem true. However, even though they contain some truths, they also preach adultery, fornication, and suppression of women, which are expressly repugnant in the eyes of God.

Civilization relies on good men. Back in 2009, a student told me that even if I had no children, I needed to pass on what I was because the world needed men like me. I suspect that civilization persists as long as certain groups of men exist, from each of which I know representatives. The first bailiwick is men who won't copulate with women they don't actually know. The second is men who won't copulate with women they don't actually love. The third is men who won't copulate with women they did not marry first. As long as a sufficient number of that type of men exist, civilization prevails. However, many MGTOW advocates actually advocate licentiousness and lasciviousness, as if an evil attitude can create a virtuous outcome. If men are incentivized and then encouraged to copulate without reservation, civilization cannot persist. Instead, the new norm is that many MGTOW coaches and Pick Up Artists are actually encouraging men to be debauched and debasing, and they are teaching men to simply use women.

Personally, I have been burnt and badly by women. I admittedly spend a lot of time complaining about that treatment and wondering if it's worth my time to pay any attention to women. However, you will not see in any of my ramblings any incentive to or suggestion that men go out and do unto others before they do unto you, to treat women as if they exist for your enjoyment, to treat women as if they are beneath you. I do not believe that this leads to civil society. I do not think this pleases God. He created women too. I am cynical and bitter, but I do not think that an eye for an eye will improve our vision of the future. I don't necessarily need a woman, but I like to look at them, and I would like to have a good woman if I can meet one who is actually interested in me. I won't get one if, in the modern world where you can search the internet, she reads or watches a series of seething posts/videos about how women are at fault for all the crap in my life. Well, I did pick them, and sometimes I wonder at my selection paradigm, but that onus to choose wisely is still mine as well as the consequences when I choose poorly. I'm cautious now, perhaps more than is necessary, and that's where MGTOW and I align. Honestly, I don't like most women, but I have a mother that I love, a sister who is dear, and several precious and thoughtful nieces whom I hope will find good men with whom to build families of their own. Just because I don't expect to find that doesn't mean that I feel justified to go out and lie to women I meet about my motives just to slake my urges or excuse you because you do so or that I'm justified to treat all women as if they hurt me. Women hurt me, but their past is not your future. Civil society is based on healthy families. Healthy families emerge from husband and wife (married) who love one another and are committed to the mutual success of each partner and the family unit they create. A society is only as strong as the families of which it is comprised. Unless the behaviors your espouse incentivize families, you're going to damage the society just as much as other behaviors you may decry. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Unexpected Friends

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As I pondered lost love and dead or dying loved ones, a rather odd thought struck me. Excluding family, the best relationships I’ve had are ones for which I was not actually looking. The best friendships and relationships are with individuals that I would have not ordinarily considered for the role. Essentially, I wasted a great deal of time pursuing other people, other opportunities, in other places, trying to force a relationship out of an encounter. When I moved to Vegas, my sister gave me a book by Paul Brandt, and it can be summarized in this one excerpt from his book: “Spend your life living happily and let God bring the people into your life who belong.” The people God brought are the only people in my experience who were worth meeting for my part. Often, they were beings I would not have noticed or with whom I would never have interacted without the interpolation of the Almighty.  I know this is not the conventional wisdom.  Most people tell you to get out, put yourself out there, and take risks.  I can only speak from my experience.  I have found that conventional wisdom does not work out for me the way that people who spout it hope it will.

Relationships I sought ended ultimately not only in disappointment, but in dejection. One young man with whom I hiked frequently used me as a foil by which to entertain a series of women he wanted to date at my sole expense. As I became aware of this, I stopped inviting him to see if he would invite me to things; he continued to hike, but he never invited me. I only found out he married when I had his wife as a student years later. One young lady I pursued romantically about the same time finally acquiesced to date me for a period of barely six weeks after I pursued her for 8 months, including taking her with me to Washington DC, only to seek an exit strategy and ultimately dump me because I wasn’t skinny enough, ambitious enough, or rich enough, and because she wanted to date a previous ex and see if they could make it work. The past several months, I have been stood up by people who accepted my invitation to hike or go shooting even though they initiated contact only to break plans last minute if they notified me at all. Very few students talk to me after they get their letters of recommendation, and even members of Sunday School find me forgettable. In January, I encountered a prominent family from my last congregation on a hiking trail, two of the daughters had me in Sunday School, who didn’t acknowledge me if they even recognized me. Many women I find attractive ghost me, and most of the people with whom I used to go places now go to those places with other people. In fact, with the one exception to follow, I could have ignored every woman I have ever met as a romantic prospect since I was divorced, and my life would be exactly the same. For me, it appears to have been a complete waste of time.

I never thought I would come to love a dog. Growing up, I harbored no intentions of ever owning any pet let alone a dog because my brothers had pets, and I shied away from the responsibility. The only reason I have a dog is because my ex-wife wanted to “start a business” with her parents breeding beagles, which was their way of roping me in as free labor. I never saw a dime from that business, and I didn’t even get to pick him. He was a “gift” for my birthday. Of course, I didn’t ask for a dog or for this dog or get to pick this dog, but I did get to pay for it since she paid for the “gift” with my Discovercard. She never really liked him after he arrived, particularly since he refused to mate with the dog from whom my wife wanted a litter of pups. After we split and I moved away, she used him to manipulate me into coming back, telling me that if I didn’t come get him she would have him euthanized, only to tell me once I arrived that I had to pay $1000 to redeem him from her. When I bought this house in November 2010, I bought it because, in addition to things I desired, it had a yard for him to explore and because it had a dog door already so that he could come inside when I was away during the hot summer days. I’m not precisely sure as to the timeline, but by winter 2012, he was sleeping inside downstairs each night on blankets near the dog door/sliding door, and by Summer 2015, he was sleeping wherever he liked. Last year when he got sick, I discovered that I cared enough about him to drive home for dinner and then drive back for my night labs three nights per week (one night there was no time to go home and get back). I am not sure I would do that for ANY person I have ever met in my life. I love this dog, and I never even intended to meet him. When he dies, part of me will die too.

My two close human friends are also people I sought out for other reasons. My best human friend and I both served as a character witness at a trial for a gentlemen we both knew. He was there for the defense; I was there for the prosecution, but we both said the same thing, and that’s how we met. I never thought I would make a friend in a courtroom. At first, we would just talk, but we found we had enough common ground besides Benjamin W that he invited me out to visit him near Philadelphia, and that’s how I made my first trip to Independence Hall. Only Thom survived of my friends from before I was divorced. My other close human friend was a friend of a former student. Shortly after a woman I really liked rebuffed me in 2009, Tracie insisted that the two of us meet at Taste of Vegas. I would have never gone. I am still not sure why I actually went. Nevertheless, he persisted, and within a year, we were hiking together, talking together, and spending time together at least 40 days per year, sometimes from 8AM to midnight. Neither one of these were men I would have met any other way let alone people in whom I would have been interested in forging a friendship, but I’m glad that I did.

The best romantic relationship I ever had was with a Geautiful Birl many years ago now. I enjoyed her company and conversation, but owing to circumstances of her life, I decided to eschew a romantic relationship with her. Nothing was wrong with her; it was perceived discontinuity between her life and mine, which turned out to be the only thing that mattered, but I digress. My close friend in Vegas persuaded me to consider her, and after prayer and talking to her, we dated, and I’ve never cared about any woman as much as I cared about her. This blog is replete with invitations to her to return and revisit our love, an outreach that ended only after I found out she was living with (and probably schtuping) some other guy. I never intended to get to know her romantically; I wasn’t looking for someone like her. However, scared as I was at the prospect of fatherhood, she remains the only woman I’ve ever known with whom I actually wanted to have children, and she remains the only woman for whom I “changed” to be my best self all the time without her chiding me or requesting it of me. I wanted to be the best person I could be for her of my own free will and choice. She inspired me. Yet, I met her at the only time in my life I ever would, and she remained interested long enough for my friend to persuade me to give her a chance. I’m just sad that she didn’t work out, but if she had, I think I would be far less attached to and interested in my Best Beagle Buddy.

People come and go. Sometimes people come into our lives only for a season. Sometimes that season is shorter than we like. I spent a great deal of time trying to make friends, nurture friendships, and pursue romantic opportunities with other people. The ones that lasted for any period of time pale in comparison to how well they changed my life to those that I did not seek. Now, I know that these choices are not necessarily a waste. Sometimes we are also a node in the nexus of many lives. “It’s A Wonderful Life” shows us the myriad ways in which a simple, single life, can change the course of history in the lives of those around him for the better even if things appear relatively bleak and unsatisfying for him. I don’t know if I contributed directly to bettering the lives of those I encountered. All I know is that the accidental friends I made bettered my life immensely. I loved my Kat. I love my dog. I thank God for a few friends, none of whom I actually set out to make a wife, a pet, or a friend. I would have never known to ask for these blessings, but maybe because of Paul Brandt I was open to the possibilities, and maybe God will bring others into my life who actually matter.

A Dog's Life

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As I reminisce about the lives of my beloved dogs most of which are now buried beneath the dirt of the good earth, I think about the things they taught me and how they gave me an example of how to live a better life. Maybe I should have given some thought to this while they were here. Maybe that would have made my life better, our life better, while they were around. Whenever you learn these lessons, I think dogs teach us some powerful lessons about life. Besides the obvious, I identified the following small but significant behaviors/attitudes/lessons I derived from the lives of my very good beagle buddies:

1. Anytime is a good time for a treat. Any time. Nobody gets out of this life looking like they did when they were in their prime. Eat right, exercise, die anyway. You're not going to get out of here alive, so if you get a chance to eat a treat, to have something that you really enjoy eating, take it. The Sunday before last, I gave him too many treats, upset his stomach, and watched as he vomited at my feet. However, the treats were still well spent. He enjoyed eating them.

2. Let the wind blow through your hair. When we went on road trips or storms blew through the valley, my beagle liked to find a way to let the wind blow his ears around and go through his hair. I don't know why, but when I think about it, I find it a simple joy of life to let the cool breeze blow through your hair. Up on the mountain, if the wind rises, I often remove my hat, muss my hair and enjoy the sensation. So did he.

3. Smell things. Most people know that dogs rely primarily on their sense of smell. My dog didn't really like touch, but sometimes he would hover in front of my face and sniff, and whenever I came home, he'd check for other scents. It's how he knew where I was, how he partook in things along the way. I managed to record a video of him while driving where he is sniffing at all the smells as we head up the road. It was an interesting pleasure for him, and it's akin to "take time to smell the roses".

4. Stretch when you awake. After getting up and checking to see where I was, my beagle always stretched. It was cute. It was also practical. A lot of our injuries as humans could be mitigated if we stretched more. In a more figurative sense, each day gives us a chance to stretch ourselves a little more than yesterday in doing the things we like, we ought, and that make us better. I find that I get more done early in the day, so I try to stretch as much before lunch as possible.

5. Make eye contact. One of the cutest things about my dog was his face. Those brown pools of mud he had for eyes spoke volumes. I knew looking into his eyes how he felt. Back on 9 August 2013 when I had a particularly bad day, bad enough that I remember the date, I remember him looking up at me from the floor as if to say "I don't know what's wrong, but I still love you." Beagles don't usually make much eye contact, but I didn't notice some of his faces, his proclivities, and his personality traits until he lost his hearing and had to make more eye contact in order to communicate with me.

6. Enjoy any chance to walk. I managed to shoot video of him this year before we took a walk. He would get so excited to go get out even if just to be in my neighborhood and see what was new (or in his case smell what was new). It's a simple pleasure, but it's just as good for us as it is for them. My mom told me last week about how she walked them all separately when she hurt herself, and think of the steps she got, the calories she burned, the fresh air to which she was exposed, and the things she might have seen because she got off the couch and out the door. Get outside!

7. Find a good, comfortable place to rest. My beagle had many beds. Couches, chairs, piles of clothing, basically anywhere that smelled like me that was comfortable suited him, but when he injured himself last fall, I made him several beds of old BDUs in the house so that he could sleep somewhere comfortable. I told my dad that I wasn't going to refill the cordoroy poof chair in which he slept until he died because it provided a nice bed, low to the ground but sufficiently cushioned to rest his bones and sufficiently insulated to keep him warm. Basically, he spent most of his last few months in that poof atop the mink blanket my mom made so that he could be with me and be comfortable in case he fell asleep which happens when you're that age.

8. Take frequent naps. More now than before, my beagle sleeps, but where he sleeps, when and why changed. He sleeps when he's near me. He sleeps in the sun. He sleeps in places that are comfortable. A well rested body makes for a better life. It's a pure pleasure of life to awake rested and recharged somewhere where you'd like to be, whether it's a favorite chair, near a favorite being, or in a favorite light. Maybe we'd be less testy as people if we rested more.

9. Play whenever you can. I confess I didn't play with him as much as I ought to have. Sometimes I would, but more than anything, I would take him to my parents' house to play with their dogs. We have fond memories of him running laps full speed in the back yard having the time of his life. On a simpler note, sometimes, he'd just bounce around the room and try to get me to chase him. We don't really play anymore. We may enjoy ourselves, but there's something refreshing about getting your heart rate up by having fun and playing.

10. Make sure you keep an eye on those you love. Especially in the last year or so of his life when he lost his hearing, my beagle positioned himself most of the time so that he could keep an eye on me. Even last night when he slept, he positioned his head so that if he opened his eyes and I moved he could investigate if he chose. When he could hear, he would look up EVERY TIME I made noise, even if I was just readjusting in my chair so that he could go and be with me on an adventure or to get a snack or whatever.

11. Be ready for an adventure. One of the choicest things I was able to capture this past winter after God granted me more time with my dog was his face when we rode in the car. I grab the leash, attach it, and he's stoked. He would head right for the door and go out into the world. After I rolled the window down in the car, he would put his head just behind the head rest, pleased as punch, and sniff and look and take it all in, wherever we went. I think we're too slow sometimes to get up from our comfortable position, but no matter the temperature or conditions or time of day, when he felt well, he would jump up and go with me, especially if he caught evidence that we were going outside the property boundaries.

12. Driving is best with the window down. I loved watching his ears blow in the wind as it blew past him. You miss a lot of the experience when you drive with the windows up. The sights are dimmed, the smells are blocked, and the pure physical pleasures of speed, sun, and wind vanish in the climate control. It also helped cool him naturally since beagles pant in order to cool off, so moving air helped.

13. Double check before settling down. Everyone with a dog has probably seen them circle before they plop down in place. I think if I were more circumspect about my surroundings I might avoid pain, avoid people, and avoid circumstances that would have or did cause me discomfort. I have rip marks in my jeans from his nails when he rearranged the clothing to be a better condition for him, either because it wasn't cushioning enough or so that he could prop his head up on something and see me from where he sat.

14. Accept any attention, particularly to your head and back. Every morning when I came home from exercising, I would go in and scratch his head and rub his back. He would close his eyes, breathe rhythmically, and purr sometimes with pure pleasure. I remember the last time I had a back rub. in fact, I pay to have my haircut sometimes just to have someone run their fingers through my hair. Physical touch conveys emotions in a way that no other sensation can. If you get attention to your head and back, it is usually not too sensual, but it just might provide the sensation you need to feel better or convey love in the way you actually need.

15. Two of the best things in life are chicken and cheese. Towards the end of his life, my beagle became a particularly picky eater. I gave him chicken every day for the last few months to first of all make sure he ate but also to show him that I cared about him. He also really liked the taste of cheese. I always let him lick the bowl/plate in this last year if he desired to, and I threw him pieces of my food that he found delicious. Life is something you should enjoy, and so I gave him some of his favorites so that eating would be a better experience and to show how much I cared.

My beagle may die any minute. Every day I leave the house, I wonder if it is the last time I'm saying goodbye, petting him, and rubbing his head. He can't hear me, but I tell him how much I love him. Every night when I get home, I wonder if I'm going to find his lifeless body. He has lived a pretty good life. Sure, it's a dog's life, but what's wrong with a dog's life? He has someone to care for him, food when he needs it, a comfortable place to sleep, and regular company. He has been worth every bit of cost to me, yes even marrying my ex wife without whom I would have never had a dog let alone this one. Without that, I never would have met him. Without that, he never would have had a good life, and he never would have been such a blessing that enriched mine. After class tonight, I'll pick up burgers to share with him again for Valentine's Day, hope he is still with me, and then walk him, eat with him, and snuggle with him if he's interested. He made my life better. I have tried to make this past year a great year for him too. Thank you, Lord, for the love of Dog, the love of my dog.

For Free in the Land of the Free

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Concomitant with my desire that freedom increase, and since I earn "enough" and to spare from my primary employment which I enjoy, I decided to remove all monetization from social media. Here's the video attesting thereunto:

Refraction at Many Angles

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I know it's old news now, but it's a good reason to remind ourselves all about how important it is to gather data before jumping to conclusions. I'll go into lab this week and once again reinforce the importance of gathering as much data as we can before we really know what we have, because there are two major problems with facts, data, and evidence. First off, you rarely, if ever, gather every bit of information that is true, meaning that we rarely if ever understand anything completely. Secondly, sometimes the data you acquire is wrong either outright lies or because it's in the wrong context, meaning that any conclusions you draw from it will likewise propagate those flaws. Last week, the internet exploded over the grinning teenager who stood down a drumming Shawnee Indian on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and people jumped up to take sides. I guess everyone wants to be first rather than be correct. I guess people want to know who is right instead of what is right. I guess we never learn, and so this advertisement from the UK Guardian is as prescient as ever:

I  know that our media is biased.  I read the Guardian and the Telegraph when I want to know about what's going on in America. I know that these two periodicals are too, but I know that since they are from the UK they are biased to not sugar coat anything that happens in America, and so I learn things about what happens here that I don't learn from the alphabet soup of media in this nation. I also know that even the Guardian doesn't show all angles. It turns out that this "menacing" kid was actually approached by the Indian, and if you watch the video of their interaction, you can see that the kid, while grinning awkwardly, is actually not that sure, since he blinks in fearful anticipation with each strike of the mallet against the drum. It turns out that the "noble" Indian is actually a known rabble rouser. They really should find someone more nondescript to trot out because this guy sticks out like a sore thumb. Investigation of his story shows lots of holes. The kid? Not so much. The more we learn, the less we see that the kid is the problem, just like the skinhead in the Guardian commercial.

People like to be able to judge quickly and be correct. We like to attach demographics to people so that we don't have to get to know them better. Earlier today I was complaining about a certain VWR employee who was condescending towards me and mentioned that he sounded by his name that he originated from the Indian subcontinent, and someone listening said, "well that explains it all." It does not. I had a good friend from Sri Lanka in High School who was awesome. There are good people everywhere and bad people everywhere. Stereotypes and generalizations may usually fit, but they don't always fit. There is an exception to every rule except for this one. People are people,, but we are all unique.

Two weeks ago in Sunday School, I talked with my class about the conversion of coal to diamonds. The reason why natural diamonds are considered valuable is not because they are particularly rare. I have several myself. I also have some that I created in lab, just because I wanted to prove I could do it. Lab created diamonds are worth less because they are ALL THE SAME. Natural diamonds are valuable because they are unique. The way they shine and the light they cast comes from the fact that although they share good structure they all contain different flaws in different places, just like every person. It's no coincidence in my opinion that we talk of good people sometimes as "diamonds in the rough". Every diamond has flaws, but as they are cut and cleared and faceted and polished, they shine, and each one shines differently, but all of them are brilliant. Only when we let the light refract through them at many angles can we truly see of what they are truly made and the goodness that is in each of them. I share CS Lewis' sentiment from his introduction to the Screwtape Letters: "I do not believe that if you take away all that is good in man that you are left with a bad man. I think you are left with nothing at all." Even graphite can be useful. At the very least it's non toxic.  Cast in a certain light, when you cast a different light on things, you can tell which diamonds are lab created and which are unique.  The light we use shows us whether they are truly diamonds or simple facsimiles, and our willingness to use different lights shows others the degree to which we are open to finding out the truth about someone we meet or an event presented by the media.

You may not notice the brilliance of a stone or a person unless you can learn to see them from all angles. You may not see the flaws of people either unless you cast them in unflattering light.  The light you apply tells me much more about you than the light reveals about the person on whom you shine it.  I once knew a woman who thought I was the bees knees. I think that she, for at least a time, could see the diamond deep in the rough of my soul. I think she saw what I could be if you were willing to reveal my other angles and look at me through them rather than through what is easy. Every person is flawed, and every person makes mistakes. If we assume at first glance that we know everything we will miss quite a bit. My Sunday School class did not recognize what uncut diamonds were, and none of them knew that diamonds and coal are the exact same material. I know that because I'm a chemist. I know that because I have learned and studied. As you look at other people, the following advice is something I try to apply, particularly once I become conscious of a negative bias towards a person or group: "When you cannot love someone, try to look for the hidden rudiments of the child of God in their eye" (F Enzio Busche). It's difficult betimes. It is however true. Whether rough diamonds or coal, we are all made of the same things, even if you don't like the other people who stand toe to toe with you. It takes time to get to know people. It takes a willingness to look at other angles. It requires us to see what they are made of because of not only what they do but why and how. Much of what you see is a play.

In Comparison

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I've been feeling sorry for myself since I saw my sister's annual video this year. She seems to have an exciting life full of awesome adventures, great challenges, and voluminous rewards. I know however that she posts the rosiest parts of her life. I know this because my parents tell me about her struggles. Maybe she has been to cool places like the Great Wall of China and the Persian Gulf, and maybe she'll get to see cool things during her two years in Europe. Maybe she has more money than I do. That's because her life, her responses, and her interactions differ. Even if I did the same things as she, I'd have different outcomes because I'm a different person and because I'd encounter different people. We compare ourselves to others all the time; it's a human thing to do. It's also usually harmful. However, in comparison there really is no comparison. While it's not as bad as comparing apples to oranges, it's like comparing oranges to lemons or limes or grapefruit or mandarins. They are all citrus, but they are not the same citrus. We are similar, but we are also unique, and therefore each of our lives will be too.

Upon honest reflection, I had plenty of adventures myself. I went away to college as an undergraduate, but she did not. Granted, I didn't get out much to "cool" places, but I did spend time each Sunday talking to and feeding the homeless, watching the balloon races, and just enjoying my life before technology, facebook, and one-upmanship. I lived in the Alps for two years. I didn't get to travel like she will, but I also got to see life up close with the people of Austria because I lived in little villages, attended services and celebrated festivals as one of them. She may see sights I did not; I got to meet and know people she will never know. Some of them were Nazis. I'm not sure I'm glad I met some real SS officers, but she won't, and in that way my life is different significantly with experiences she may never have. In graduate school, I got to study different things and meet different people and attend conferences. Afterwards, I drove over every square inch almost of Nevada on road trips. Those things might not interest her, but the more salient point is that they interested ME, and so I went on adventures that I wanted to do that I could also afford, and some of them created interesting and unique stories and experiences that I value. I went to Alcatraz one Christmas Day with my boss. I did cool things when I was her age. I also did things I didn't ever think I would or didn't want to.

I had to overcome struggles that she didn't have and go alone many times. I managed to overcome them. My sister managed to get a job that actually rewards her with promotions for doing a good job; mine just gives me more work. My ex wife wasted away much of our substance gambling, and I've recovered well, and that's impressive. Eventually, I purchased my freedom from her and "settled all claims and counterclaims", which didn't come cheaply. I try to think of it now as an educational opportunity that cost me more than I expected. The actual sum of my goods may pale in comparison, but my sister never even got married, so she never got divorced. As a single male, I faced several unsubstantiated claims of impropriety, and even though I came out as innocent, they still cost me grief and some small amount of money. My sister is a female, obviously, and they are usually not accused of improprieties. She finds people to go with her, and I usually go stag. That might be due to proximity rather than true affinity, so maybe she isn't with "friends". I did enjoy going to Montana alone because I decided when I'd had enough and didn't have to wait for a tour group or ask others if it was ok to leave early or stay late. I did what I wanted when I wanted.

Everyone is a package deal. If I wanted to have her pros, I would have to also deal with the struggles concomitant with her achievements. One of the congregational leaders in my last unit was a man who by all visible accounts lived an enviable life. He had a supportive and attractive wife, a handsome family, a lucrative job, physical beauty, a leadership position, etc. He also suffered from some chemical imbalances that caused him no end of trial. I would like to have the good parts of his life, but I drove home from services each week glad that I didn't have to deal with the trial inside his mind. When it comes to my sister, she likes different things, same things for different reasons, and pursues other talents. She's a different person, and she will live a different life. Also, she is better equipped to handle that life than I, in particular because she chose parts of it. I know she struggles, but not because she tells me directly. I can tell because of how she tells us stories about what she does at work and with friends and because I've visited her in her apartment and seen that she's also apart from the world like I. I think most people are more lonely and more disheartened than we think. Social media encourages people to post the rosy parts of their lives without showing the price paid to arrive there or the cracks in the pavement that undergirds their current standing. You can't trade places with anyone and just get the rosy parts; you get the whole package.

Our lives vary because our interests and opportunities vary. I told my intern last week that I believe "luck" is our perception of the difference between outcomes: we define as luck when someone's outcome differs from what we expect our outcome in similar circumstances would be. My sister never expected to go to the Great Wall, but another opportunity opened that door and she took it; I would never fly from Nevada just to see a stone wall when I could just drive to Ft. Churchill which is a few hours away. By virtue of circumstances, my sister managed to get an engineering gig even though she never intended to. By contrast, I ended up as a teacher, because I couldn't get anything else to work out, which doesn't pay the same dividends. Much of my compensation comes in unmonetized forms like when students take me again or write me thank you notes. I got one with $300 once, but I returned the money because I didn't need another ethics investigation. This month, I went back and watched the annual videos I made since 2010 for my family and realized the myriad of adventures and experiences I had. Many of those things my sister has done too. Her experiences were different because she is different and because she met different people doing those things. I also realized that before we did these videos I also had great adventures, and so I'm going to make one for 2007-2008 to catalogue my travels in Nevada. I'm glad my parents asked us to make these videos, because it reminded me of the richness of my own experience and of some rare and valuable personal perspectives too sacred to share here. Suffice it to say that I have seen God's hand, heard His voice, been rescued by His grace and steered by His eye to where I am. I believe that I am where He would have me be doing what He would have me do, and that's more important than all the luxurious vacations or creature comforts you could acquire. Generally speaking, my life pleases Him, and that realization gives me peace and hope for future adventures, no matter how rough or pleasant the road from here to there may seem.

Getting to Know Them...

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On Sundays during graduate school, I frequently walked down to the river near campus to feed and visit with the homeless people who lived there. After a while, they grew accustomed to my visits and more open to conversation and communication, and as our relationships expanded I learned things about them that nobody remembered. In particular I remember one older man who once worked for NASA on the Apollo and Voyager space programs whose partner died, after which he lost all interest and ended up homeless because he had nowhere he wanted to be. Most people who came to the parks along the river probably found it odd to watch me, donned in suit and tie, sitting with the homeless because they didn’t know what I knew about those people. Since I took the time to learn more, I learned that these people were more than they appeared to be.

All our lives, we evaluate based on information we possess. Sometimes our information comes from experience; sometimes it comes from other people’s experiences; sometimes it comes from hearsay. Sometimes we don’t have all the information at all, like I did on the river all those years ago. Last Thursday, I found myself in an impromptu conversation with the head of receiving on campus and learned that she was a licensed respiratory therapist. She was thanking me for not looking down on her because she works in receiving; I told her that was easy because most of the people who look down on her look down on me too. What I know now that they still don’t care to know is that she worked for over a decade in health care and CHOSE TO LEAVE and do something else. How many times do we look at someone in a “lowly” job and assume they can’t do better or at someone in a lofty one and assume that they earned their way there?

For some time now, I have discussed with all who listen one of the sad truths of life about stratification. While it is true that the cream rises to the top, so also does the scum, and the problem is that the scum thinks that it’s the cream. The cream thinks the scum belongs there. The scum convinces the rest that it earned its way to the top. The real point everyone misses in societal stratification is that between the dregs and the cream are other portions which, if absent, ablate the difference between the dregs and the cream rather than exaggerate them. If a nation is filled only with rich and poor people with nobody in between, the people have more in common than if there is a wide range of income. The only way in which they tend to differ is in material possessions, but in character they tend to blend into an indistinguishable morass. Inside any body exists a portion called the Extracellular Matrix which is void of cells but filled with mostly empty space. It is integral however because it constitutes a definition of different organs, keeping different cells apart and keeping the shape and definition of each organ and system. In other words, there is no “junk” DNA and there is no empty space and there aren’t really any useless people. Even the poor among us exist so that we can show our beneficence to those less fortunate than we.

You never know about people unless you get to know them. Until I spoke with this woman, I had no idea she ever went to college. Unless you call a certain member of the House of Representatives from Las Vegas to task about his qualifications, you will never learn that he actually dropped out of college. Not everyone gets $10 million from his father to get started in business like Donald Trump did, and not everyone who lives paycheck to paycheck belongs there. Some successful people got there by timing and luck, and some failures arrived in the gutter the same way. If you look at a person’s wage, title, living situation, and family relationships, you get a snapshot which, even if everything you see is true, is not usually the whole truth.

Each semester in the department office, someone leaves a box of Sees Candy. It’s fun and illuminating to watch professors select from the box the pieces they personally prefer. All of the candies are essentially made the same on the outside, and the people generally select chocolates based on the contents. Some hate nougat and others love nuts, and sometimes chocolates are cut beforetime to see what they contain before people commit. It’s paradoxical sometimes that we choose our chocolates based on their contents but judge people by their colorful candy shell. However, it’s apparently always been that way. I guess the point of all of this is what I tell my students each semester about the scientific method. Every decision I would have made differently in my life is because the information was either incomplete or inaccurate. Maybe it’s impossible to get EVERYTHING we need, but usually we stop when we get the information that’s easy or that validates what we want to be so. Each of us has the responsibility to find out as much information as we can and bear the consequence of the choice we make with the information we possess. Many first impressions are false, and first impressions are not the only impressions. This woman in receiving chose a lesser status and paycheck. The man on the river was the victim of choices. If you meet them, what you learn about this is true. There is also so much more.

Open Letter From Singles, Widows and Divorced

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The following is the original text of an unsent open letter to the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I originally wrote 28 February 2011

Dear Brethren:

Sometime in 2011, a group called LDS SWorD (Single Widowed or Divorced) will release a documentary on LDS singles over the age of 30. As I also fall into that particular demographic and after speaking with others therein, or who will soon belong to same, I have a few concerns and thoughts I feel inclined to share with the world at large.

Why is it stigmatic to be single at 30? Up until the beginning of the 20th century, it was perfectly normal and acceptable for a man to be single at that age no matter his Faith. After all, it took some time before he could procure education or employment necessary to assume the responsibilities of home and hearth, especially in more volatile times. Frequently, the Church would ask him to settle the wilderness or serve a mission, delaying his felicitations with women until he had matured somewhat. It was very common among my own genealogical forefathers to have large age gaps between husband and wife. I know times have changed, but I am not convinced that the stigma as constituted persists for good reason.

My own research has led to the conclusion met by others that Brigham Young never indemnified young men as such as “menaces to society” as they advanced in age. Yet, that belief has led to many rushed marriages, ostensibly to found families, but more apparently as a hedge against fornication. I worked with a woman during graduate school who told me she intended to marry her boyfriend just so that they wouldn’t be sinning. Sexual relations are poor materials with which to build a familial foundation.

The rising generation is different from previous generations. As the opportunities to connect with strangers increase, intimate connections and conversations with closely associated persons diminish. They no longer know how to talk to anyone they actually know and frequently turn to the internet for friendships and beyond. Where a mission, abroad or in the adjacent state, once sufficed to help a young man mature into roles of responsibility and leadership, some of the youth return without having grown so and are still encouraged, literally or as a consequence of the culture, to marry, mate and multiply before they actually become adults. Whereas young women were once taught how to run a household, many of them now attend college for no other reason than to obtain an “Mrs. degree” or to date. Some of the fathers are noticeably absent when it comes to teaching their sons how to chivalrously defend the virtue of women. Some of the mothers are also actively engaged in efforts that appear designed to hold their daughters back from maturing and to select potential husbands over which they can exert power and influence. In times of general strife, all of these struggling newlyweds may burden others more than the struggles can ever help those couples or the children that seem to quickly follow their nuptials and in some sad cases precede them.

Like everything else we build to last, families should be built on solid foundations. Faith, virtue, and industry are only some of the cornerstones for successful relationships. Anything else is Bad on the newlyweds, Bad on the children, Bad on the Church, and ultimately Bad on society. Many of them are not real people yet. They have not discovered themselves let alone what they actually want. Many of the parents encourage missions for the wrong reasons or disallow dating with people of character in favor of how the person might fit into the family. Few decide on marriage after they appeal to the Lord for guidance, especially if their families veto revelation with other interested, albeit uninspired, opinions. Many marry for convenience or to avoid sin and the shame that accompanies it. That may account for the rise in divorce within the Faith. I am not sure we do them a service encouraging them to marry or move out before they are ready. The messages that reach our young people are taught by strangers, carried on airwaves often void of filters and infrequently challenged by moral friends, inspired leaders and loving parents. I have frequently felt inspired to say things to some youth because I felt that if I did not then they might never hear what ought be said.

Different times call for a different strategy. Just as we now have four different generations in the workforce, we have four different generations of thought, values, and norms present within the echelons of the Faith. When I left for my mission almost 13 years ago, there were few electronic gadgets, smaller socioeconomic variances, and lower expectations. Like no generation before it, the one right behind my own requires, not just expects, things to start where they were when they left their parents’ home. They choose their friends and their mates differently. Whereas they choose their chocolates by what’s on the inside, they choose eternal companions based frequently on nothing more than a colorful candy shell. People of great character are cast aside in favor of great looks or great fortunes. Other men and women are possessed of Toys R Us Syndrome and do not want to grow up at all. Nobody wants to marry a teenager, but all too frequently teenagers marry each other.

I am certain that you mean well and that Christ, who gives you your directives, means them for our happiness. I am not sure how young people hear what you tell them, even if it makes perfect sense to you. As a college professor, I learned quickly that the message does not always get through even from me, and I am much closer to them in ideals and experiences than many of their actual leaders. Few of them have learned to inquire of the Lord, and even those who do frequently abandon His counsel when their peers challenge its validity. Although the reasons many of us are single vary widely, I am concerned that many youth of the Church marry young both in age and maturity, without sufficient benefit of acquired wisdom, proper parenting, and inspired guidance to help them make this all-too-important decision. Some go through motions and date only to appease those who express concerns, which does nothing to resolve them. Many are marrying for the wrong reasons or with misapprehensions of love, family, and commitment, which concerns me. I can only imagine how it concerns you and the Lord.

As I frequently interact with a steady stream of young folks embarking on their lives and college education, I am acutely aware of the problems. As a scientist, I have dedicated my career to solutions. I am at your disposal to discuss what is happening and how youth have received what is being taught so that they can be guided to a better understanding and execution of eternal values and virtues. Please contact me if I can be of any assistance in this most vital work, the work of the Lord, to exalt man and bind families together. Words matter. These people matter. What we do and are matter.

Your Brother in Christ-

Doug ******

I think it's time the church tackled the stigma that surrounds being single and over the age of 30.  The organization SWorD never made the video and subsequently vanished into the ether, but the problem remains.  I heard that 1% of single men over the age of 30 attend church and that 70% of people my age identify as spiritual but not religious.  I find the sentiments as relevant now as back then.  I also have this to say by way of final thoughts on the matter: It is good to marry.  It is better to marry in your Faith.  It is best to marry only when you actually love someone with an eye single to God's glory and not just because you seek to fulfill some visible aspect of faithfulness.

Wreckers and Builders

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Like many of you, I'm thinking about how I'd like 2019 to be different from other years. I've been silent on my blog a lot because sometimes I'm very upset. Sometimes what I want to say is either going to just increase my frustration or offend others, and I'm not interested in offense for the sake of offense. If something is wrong, I will speak my peace, but after I speak my peace, I decided to hold my peace. I also found out there was a way to increase my peace while still sharing what I think, feel, experience, and believe. One of the things I decided was to change how I shared things online. I tell people that my social media exists for three reasons: to share things with strangers, to remind myself of things I found and why I found them interesting, and to yell at public figures. With rare exception, this blog has already changed to be kinder and more uplifting, but my twitter feed is angry and condemnatory. The internet essentially runs on outrage. People either find or fabricate something that will foment discord and then let it fly. Meanwhile, they found a way to monetize it, and they use this anger to enrich themselves while other people tear each other apart. It's vulgar. So many people seek high places and high access so that they can rip on others. Well, I decided to try to change how I phrase things so that I can invite the people with whom I disagree to change reform rather than simply attacking them for what I perceive as deficiencies. Essentially, I'll offer them the choice: do you want to continue to be worthy of criticism or would you like to change to something better?

Contention is of the devil. If your motivation and intention is to incite a riot, or if you criticize others to get attention and attaboys, you're doing it incorrectly. Correction is supposed to be about the person, an invitation to change, so if you make it about you, to stir up contention, to appear to be better, or to get likes, retweets, shares, etc., then all you're doing is getting people upset. Sometimes it is necessary to go backwards first in order to move forwards, and sometimes it's necessary to destroy something to make way for something better, but if you're just throwing Molotov for the sake of sowing destruction and discord, then you're a wrecker. Wreckers don't need to be smart or skilled or principled. They just have to be loud. They just have to be controversial. Usually they thrive on attention because they are small, and being part of the riot makes them feel they are part of something. Wrecking is also sometimes fun; if you don't believe that, go take part in a demolition. It's fun to swing a sledge and break a wall or throw rocks through windows someone doesn't intend to reuse, but those just make a mess. Someone must clean up the mess when you finish the demolition or all you find at the end is a pile of rubbish. Wreckers don't usually clean up, and when they do, they don't often clean up well. A few proximal neighbors cleaned out homes vacated between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and the amount of rubbish and debris from the former tenants overflowed the dumpsters they ordered so that garbage remained in the street days after the owners cleaned up. So, the houses look vacant and trashy. They may look better, but they're still damaged and dirty, and that's not attractive moving forward.

Your attention and affirmation for criticism only extends as long as your audience agrees with you 100%. As long as you attack the common enemy, people will cheer and support you. If you ever defend someone they perceive as an enemy, they'll forget prior allegiances. Perhaps you remember Cindy Sheehan of Code Pink who was a darling of the anti-war movement until she went into the weeds on some other ideas and started to cause embarrassment to the members of her original premise. Maybe you can understand and even appreciate her passion. However, if passion is a substitute for reason, your movement will not be reasonable and the people who share your passion will not be able to reason with you. Aristotle wrote that "the law is reason free from passion", and most argumentation, since it exists to stir up contention, is impassioned. They will talk about the plight of people without discussing how they got there. They will talk about our responsibility toward the downtrodden without talking about the responsibility of the downtrodden to help themselves. They will talk about mercy without justice, about generosity without respect for your time, about the needs of others without thinking about your needs. They will talk from their own perspective because everyone does. Everyone tends to project his world view onto others. So, since nobody sees the world the way you do, nobody will agree with you 100% except for you. Nobody. Some may come close, but there's an asymptote of perspective that means eventually contention will arise even in well-intended movements and ideas that are actually good. This tends to corrupt them from their intentions and create unintended consequences that marginalize many accomplishments and tarnish the members who genuinely do their best to create positive changes.

All too often, people talk about change as if it's all good, when everyone knows that change isn't always good. Fresh iron changes to rust. Smooth skin gives way to wrinkles. Noble politicians turn into greedy scoundrels. The law of entropy appears to govern not only chemistry but also psychology as well, probably because we are also made of chemicals and rely on them for our function and continuity. According to this law, if left to themselves, all things decay and increase in chaos and ruin. That's why a Savior was necessary. Damaged things cannot repair themselves, and imperfect things do not usually right themselves. Eventually, all things and all people must be invited to change FOR THE BETTER. The Christian way is to not just call people sinners but to invite them to repent. The criticism that matters isn't that which points out flaws; we all know that every person everywhere is flawed, no matter how the celebrities and politicians prattle their prescience, proficiency and purity. Criticism that helps people see a better way, to change FOR THE BETTER, to repent and turn another direction is what matters. Wrote the apostles: "But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee. For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted (Luke 14:10-11)". Jesus constantly praised those who acknowledge their unworthiness before God, their need for a Savior. In truth, the first step to reformation is recognition. Come and sit in the lowest room. Cleanse the inward vessel. Start with the man in the mirror. Start by changing something chaotic in your own life, and then shalt thou see clearly to remove the mote that is in thy brother's eye. It is easy to be critical. It is easy to be a wrecker. It is tempting to exalt ourselves, and all too often when we criticize we do so out of pride because we miss the mark. It is possible to critique someone without being critical. People who offer critiques all believe this, even if you perceive their critique to be critical. Maybe it is. More to the point, when you give the "constructive criticism", you want to be judged on your intentions. Why and how we do something matter just as much as what we do if not more. If you reprove with sharpness and then ignore someone or ghost them, they are probably justified to view your actions as ill-intended. However, the well intended invitation to change comes concomitant with an increase in care, concern, and love towards the reproved. You don't cut them off. You continue to minister to them hoping that they will return and repent. The humble man who calls you to repentance will also point you to the Savior. He will show you a better way. He won't just roast you for a weakness, but he will show you a way to make weakness into strength.  He will continue to strive with you.

Life is an uncertain realm filled with danger where the weak are often oppressed by the strong and where we either burn or grow stronger in the furnace of affliction. Like the iron in the forge, the affliction exists, not to point out our weaknesses but as a means to remove them from us. Impurities are removed in chemistry one of two ways: addition of a solvent or changes in the heat. It is no accident that we are made better by baptism of water and fire. Our lives are invitations to draw closer to a Savior, to rise up, to rise above our baser natures and become better men, to build up and build upon and build better things. Wrote the poet:

I walked one day through a lonely town; Some workers were tearing a building down. With a ho-heave-ho and a husky yell, they swung a beam and a side wall fell. I asked the Foreman "Are these men skilled? The kind you'd hire if you want to build?" "Oh no," he chuckled. "No indeed. Common labor is all I need. Why I can destroy in a day or two What builders have taken weeks to do." I thought to myself as I went on my way Which of these roles have I tried to play? Am I a builder who works with care, Strengthening lives by rule and square? Or am I a wrecker who walks around Content with the task of tearing down?

Destroying things and criticizing others is easy. It takes no skill or candor or intellect or training to tear down others. It takes a great deal of skill and talent and time and patience and practice and work to create something. It takes someone and something more than tweets, hashtags and financial donations. It takes a Savior. This year, I decided that I would try to talk to others more like Jesus did. Yes, sometimes He was upset with what they did or why or how, but He also invited them to be better, to come to Him, and He tried to build them up because He knew of what they were capable. Enzio Busche once admonished me "When you cannot love someone, look into their eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him." I choose to make my commentary reflect that I care about them and desire better things for them. We'll see how well I do.

Love at Home

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I sing at church, mostly without a hymnal, and to the surprise of many leaders. I guess it's because I'm male. I also sing tenor, which delights many choir directors until I start making up my own parts because I'm usually the only tenor and feel like I should be able to do what I like. However, there are some hymns in my Faith that I don't sing, where I sit there arms folded, a stern and dour look on my face in sullen silence until they finish because I don't feel like it. Until this fall, one of these was "Love at Home"; I realized that although this hymn implies family and posterity, it also obliquely refers to anything and everyone that provides love at home. I realized that I have love at home in the form of my dog.

There is beauty all around: my beagle buddy is pretty handsome. The young kids in the neighborhood think he's a puppy. He has pretty good posture for his age. You should see his cute face. I have something beautiful to look at every day at home even if I don't leave the house because I have this handsome dog as my house mate.

There is joy in every sound: when I wake in the middle of the night, arrive home from work, or come in from outside, I hear the clickety clack of his nails on the flooring as he comes to the door to see if I'm there. When I hear him breathe or snore, I know he is alive still, and that brings me joy too.

Peace and plenty here abide: very little gives me the peace I feel like lying on the poof and rubbing my dog's belly and scratching his head. No matter how my day was, I feel comfortable there, loved, as I feel his breath and hear him purr. When I awoke Christmas morning and heard him snoring, I felt like the richest man in Christendom. I thanked God for my first Christmas present that morning.

Smiling sweet on every side: my beagle makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me smile, makes me feel welcome when I walk through the front door. I don't think anything in my life gives me the joy that I feel being with him.

Time doth softly, sweetly glide: I can hardly believe that I've had this beagle since June 2003, how much time has gone by, how we've been on adventures and taken rides and been places. I remember picking him up from the airport in Sacramento on a hot June afternoon, how he shivered with fear. He'd been there alone for hours, and on the way home, he learned to trust me and love me. I really hope I age as well and live as long as he has.

In the cottage there is joy: I already mentioned my joy, but you should see his. If I grab a treat or the leash or open the back door, he will leap up and turn in the air (not so much anymore) and excitedly get ready to go. We never go very far or for very long, but he's so excited by simple things, it's an ensample to me about just how glorious simplicity can be.

Hate and envy ne'er annoy: one of the great things about a dog is his abject lack of selfishness. Other dogs will take things or defend territory, but even when he's attacked, he never fights back. I do the fighting. If he smells other dogs on me or if I had another one, he wouldn't be jealous, and he doesnt' care how many Doug treats I eat as long as he gets at least one dog treat.

Sweeter sings the brooklet by: we spend a lot of time together out back, and my house backs up to a riparian area where a natural spring drains towards the lake. So, the birds and beasts that also occupy this area have learned that the dog is no threat, so I can watch them perch on trees above him or drink from his bowl or just watch him. THey watch me, and they know that I'm the gardner, and in the yard there is peace.

Brighter beams the azure sky: one of his favorite things to do is just go outside and stand in the sun. I imagine, particularly now that it's cold, he just wants to warm up as he stares at the sky. But we sit out there just enjoying being in nature while I rub him, and life seems bright even if only for afew moments when we're together.

Oh, there's One who smiles on high: I really think this is the literal manifestation of God's love in my life right now. Some people have successful businesses, beautiful families, or other gifts, but I have this wonderful dog, which is essentially the mirror reflection of God.

When there's love at home. When there's love at home, a house is a home. I have looked forward to getting home almost every night since he fell ill in September. I am excited to spend time with him. We're going for a walk when I finish this post. For the first time since I was newly married, I feel love in this house, in my house, in my life, in a way that holds water. Ok, he makes a mess drinking water, but there's someone here with skin on, and he may be a dog and "just" a dog, but he's the closest thing to a son I have. I will watch him die some day and probably soon, but until then, I have the literal physical manifestation of God's love for me and dog's love for me sleeping on the poof just awake enough to watch for when it's time to leave. And I consider that a great blessing. It's been a tough year in many ways, but he has been there to comfort me, to greet me, to accompany me, to listen to me, to make me feel loved, and I could not be more grateful. I have love at home, and for the first time in my adult life that song doesn't bother me anymore.